# Microsoft: Take your Xbox One, and your paperclip, and stick them both UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 28, 2016, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764 "2016-12-28T09:03:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/41 "2016-12-30T21:22:13Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > The CD player in my 2008 Hyundai Elantra didn’t have a paperclip hole. So I was stuck driving around with an error message displayed on the screen for three years, since I didn’t want to take it to the dealer and pay lots of money to fix a CD player I didn’t use. It’s harder to do on slot loading drives than tray loaders. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/42 "2016-12-30T21:53:42Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Is anyone else old enough and nerd enough to remember the ti99 and it’s tape drive? It used audio cassettes for data. Took damn near as long to load games as it would to type it into basic. And that horrible eeeeeeeeee kachu kachu kachu kachu sound it would make when loading. my first comp! and never did get the tape drive to work right … Hunt the whumpus! FTW! and I miss blasto … all the other 5 games I had were math related … ☹ ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/43 "2016-12-30T22:06:38Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Is anyone else old enough and nerd enough to remember the ti99 and it’s tape drive? It used audio cassettes for data. Took damn near as long to load games as it would to type it into basic. And that horrible eeeeeeeeee kachu kachu kachu kachu sound it would make when loading. I had an Atari 400 growing up, and we had the 410 tape drive so I remember the noises well. Supposedly it was 300 or 600 baud so loading something like frogger took ages. And the best was when there was an error somewhere and you got a corrupted screen after waiting. I still have that system, I should drag it out and see if it works. ---
**Author:** ![Debillw3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Debillw3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debillw3)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/44 "2016-12-30T22:18:48Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > It’s harder to do on slot loading drives than tray loaders. Isn’t the Xbox in question a slot, rather than a tray? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/45 "2017-01-03T14:30:12Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > It’s harder to do on slot loading drives than tray loaders. Yeah, I figured. I assume there was a manual slider on top of the unit that you have to remove it from the dash to access. Unfortunately there was no way of removing the center console on that car without taking the entire dash off, or at least not one I could figure out. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/46 "2017-01-03T15:58:26Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Yeah, I figured. I assume there was a manual slider on top of the unit that you have to remove it from the dash to access. Unfortunately there was no way of removing the center console on that car without taking the entire dash off, or at least not one I could figure out. on an automotive CD mechanism, not likely. if it fails and won’t eject the disc, you’re stuck pulling the radio apart. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/47 "2017-01-03T22:26:58Z")
Well now I feel even better about not bothering to fix it. Especially since I don’t have that car anymore. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Calico\_Jack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calico_jack/32/7320_2.png) [@Calico\_Jack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calico_Jack)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/48 "2017-01-04T00:22:56Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > I’ve enjoyed my day playing NBA2K17 on my year old XBOXOne yesterday afternoon and early this morning, and God forbid, made the decision to change from that game t NHL2K16. This, like you would imagine MOST video game consoles, simply requires me to eject the NBA disc and insert the NHL disc. > > OOOOOOOH NO, not with Xbox One. Apparently after spending hundreds of dollars on their piece of shit Xbox One, I have to use a PAPERCLIP, and stick in the right place, in case my NBA game didn’t eject when hitting the proper button on the face of the Xbox. > > For real: the Xbox guide suggests turning the power completely off of the console then restarting it, and then if the disc still does not eject—I use a fucking PAPERCLIP to eject the disc! > > That’s right folks, I have to use a fucking paperclip, a 19th Century device, to make what is supposedly one of the most competitive video game systems of 2016 function, and not only that, it has to be the proper thickness and light of paperclip. > > I am not fucking with you: > > [Xbox Support](http://support.xbox.com/en-US/xbox-one/console/manually-eject-disc) > > But its not good enough you get a good paperclip. You have to ANGLE it the right way IF you can find the pinhole located somewhere mysteriously on the console. From above: > > _Insert the straight end of the paper clip into the eject hole, located next to the orange rectangle. You may have to angle it slightly forward (toward the front of the console) as you insert it._ > > After trying these outrageous instructions, and STILL unable to eject my $49.99 disc to play my $39.99 NHL one, I have a better idea, Microsoft: > > _ **WHY DONT YOU STICK THE FUCKING PAPERCLIP RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!** _ > > In my lifetime, I’ve owned a Atari 5200, Sega Genesis, Playstation, Wii, Xbox, and Xbox 360 and NEVER had this problem before. And BTW MS this isn’t the only issue I have with your piece of junk: I have to spend 20-30 minutes downloading a new game before I play it; 1/2 the features don’t work unless I sign up for Xbox Live for $5 a month; having trolled NFL Madden '16 repeatedly to get it to work-----and then there are the slow download times for most games. > > Don’t get me wrong: when functioning, and thats a big “when”, XboxOne games are fantastic. > > But after paying $300 for a console and being told I have to shove a paper clip into a mysterious pinhole so I can play a new game? > > Hey, Microsoft: > > _ **FUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUU** _ AND BE REST ASSURED, my next game setup will have “Playstation” written on it, cocksuckers! [![](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Nd0uyxnR1Qo/TQJsAkKVkTI/AAAAAAAAAA0/RmmeLptzw8g/s1600/biggest_whiner_statue_1.jpg) ](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Nd0uyxnR1Qo/TQJsAkKVkTI/AAAAAAAAAA0/RmmeLptzw8g/s1600/biggest_whiner_statue_1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/49 "2017-01-04T10:51:17Z")
I accept! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764.md?page=2)