# Middle age and becoming "invisible" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 17, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176 "2013-03-17T15:45:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2013, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/81 "2013-04-06T13:29:05Z")
Earlier in this thread, I mentioned that I had not become invisible yet. But last week I went to renew my gym membership and mentioned to the lady that I was usually there around 8 in the morning. (I’m pretty proud of my attendance these past few months.) She said she was present most mornings at 8, and had never seen me. ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/82 "2013-04-06T13:48:39Z")
Maybe it’s like with the invisible man. You’re only \*completely \*invisible if you’re naked. In which case, I would offer this friendly reminder: you take your clothes off AFTER you get to the gym. 😃 edit: believe me, I know how easy it is to forget such details. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2013, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/83 "2013-04-06T14:04:52Z")
I _prefer_ being invisible. Maybe it’s a local-merchant-culture thing, but what both me and my brother remember from being young and shopping is having employees “keep an eye on us” and occasionally outright follow us around under the theory that anyone male under 30 must be either a shoplifter or a gangbanger. Being ignored is better than being harassed. These days I wonder how many people who _didn’t_ fit their age/gender profile robbed them blind because they were so busy keeping an eye on us “dangerous” types to notice. ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/84 "2013-04-06T14:25:52Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Yes, I read the OP. But is the OP taking a single mistake by one hostess and extrapolating it to a common trend? Because I think it might just be a projection of the OPs fears about fading into irrelevancy as he enters his twilight years. > > Certainly average to short men (5’8" or under) are often not regarded as highly as men who are tall (over 6’). But I had no idea if there was some actual thing where older men trigger some sort of genetic response to either ignore them or put them on an iceberg and send them out to sea. Well, there are certainly plenty of other people saying that the same thing happens to them… > [@JuliaSqueezer](#): > > As a middle-aged woman (60’s) I can relate completely with the OP. The most egregious was recently when a clerk reached over my shoulder to take money from someone standing behind me in line. Yes! Invisible me! I would have been seriously tempted to bite his arm while it was within reach. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2013, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/85 "2013-04-06T14:35:44Z")
I was invisible way before I got older. I’ve been walking around naked in public for years. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/86 "2013-04-06T14:39:26Z")
5’7" 64 yrs old, I was shop manager for several years at a large diesel repair shop. Salesman would come in and see me at the desk and ask if anyone was here. If a mechanic happened to be standing near by they would address them. This drove me up a wall!I figure their is something written on my face saying I could not possibly be a manager. Not normally rude I could become extremely rude in these instances. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/87 "2013-04-07T15:26:57Z")
I seem to have the opposite problem-since I am usually well dressed, people come to me and assume I’m a manager…or something. For example, I was visiting a friend in a hospital, and people came up to me, assuming I was a doctor. Or in stores-I get asked about stuff (it breaks my heart to tell them I don’t work there). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2013, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/88 "2013-04-07T17:00:12Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > I seem to have the opposite problem-since I am usually well dressed, people come to me and assume I’m a manager..or something. For example, I was visiting a friend in a hospital, and people came up to me, assuming I was a doctor. Or in stores-I get asked about stuff (it breaks my heart to tell them I don’t work there). I get this whenever I am in Best Buy, even though I am never wearing a blue shirt. I have great fun with it. My powers of invisibility don’t work in Best Buy. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/89 "2013-04-07T20:05:32Z")
I think it’s a transitional phase. People tend to focus on their peers. Children pay more attention to other children, young people pay more attention to other young people, middle aged people pay more attention to other middle aged people, and old people pay more attention to other old people. And you can apply the same rule to other social divisions like race, gender, occupation, or social class - people devote more attention to people they perceive as being like them. The reason it’s noticeable in this case is because of the transition. Nobody has spent their life being middle-aged. They had previously been a young person and had the attitudes of young people, including paying more attention to other young people. But a day arrives when young people start seeing you as a middle-aged person and therefore not as a peer they going to pay attention to. But the realization hits you slower. You still think of yourself as a young person so you’re surprised by the lack of attention you’re getting from other young people. Meanwhile, you’ve started to attract the attention of middle-aged people who are now beginning to see you as a peer. But you don’t yet think of yourself as a middle-aged person so you don’t notice this new attention. You feel you’ve become invisible because the people you notice aren’t paying attention to you and the people who are paying attention to you, you don’t notice. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/90 "2013-04-07T22:07:22Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > I seem to have the opposite problem-since I am usually well dressed, people come to me and assume I’m a manager..or something. For example, I was visiting a friend in a hospital, and people came up to me, assuming I was a doctor. Or in stores-I get asked about stuff (it breaks my heart to tell them I don’t work there). This. Happens to me all the time. Sometimes I do help, but I let them know that I’m not a representative of the store. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/91 "2013-04-07T23:06:15Z")
I have become more visible since I turned fifty. I made a definite decision to dress and act to satisfy myself. It would seem that I now project more confidence (I dare \*anyone \*to go out for the evening wearing a bow tie and \*not \*project confidence). My lovely and long-suffering Wife is amused at the number of women who approach me now. I wish I had this mojo going thirty years ago. ETA- I checked with the Wife, and she says she is more concerned about just what is wrong with these women. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/92 "2013-04-08T20:03:15Z")
Madame Pepperwinkle is the reason I tend to be invisible. She is a sunny, open, colorful personality, usually somewhat flamboyantly dressed, and it’s all we can do to keep her from decorating her wheelchair with colored dots, banners and balloons. I’m the one behind her, pushing. She also has an easy laugh, a friendly manner, and I just don’t care for small talk. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/93 "2013-04-08T22:37:24Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Um…occupying space? I’m a middle aged male. Why the hell would anyone care that I am composed of matter? If I say or do something, people notice me. They have no particular reason to; I look ordinary, dress ordinary, act ordinary. Yet when I speak or act to make my needs known, people notice. I’m not picking on anyone in this thread, but there’s a culture of passive aggression growing too, which I think might convince its practitioners that they’re invisible when they are, instead, being quite logically ignored. If you just stand there, of course you’ll be ignored. You’re just standing there. People are busy. It’s a very rushed world we live in. Speak up. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/94 "2013-04-08T23:20:43Z")
I’ve always been very introverted and as I’ve become more and more invisible with age, it’s a bit of a relief. (Getting attention when I was young n’ hot was very uncomfortable.) With middle age, however, a woman has leeway to be loud, demanding, and borderline obnoxious to be noticed. Hell, what do we have to lose?? We are looked down on by most men. And all young people (remind them of their mothers or overbearing aunts?). So we can wear fuschia or purple capris with matching bedazzled t-shirts and speak up! So? Who cares? We’ll suit ourselves, thanks!..As I grow even older, I look forward to being a sweet old lady, bless her heart, she’s sharp as a tack, look at her trying to cross the street alone! Sweet old people get more attention than the meek middle-aged! Oh. And when my friends and I were cute young things, we were looking for cute young men. We didn’t SEE the invisible 30+ men because we weren’t interested in them. Whether they were rich, or looked rich, was irrelevant. A 30+ invisible man was and is of no interest to most cute young women, regardless of the girth of his wallet. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2013, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176/95 "2013-04-08T23:59:30Z")
And yet when I walk into a store in full [ninja costume](http://www.halloweencostumes.com/adult-deluxe-ninja-costume.html), everyone notices me. Strange. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/middle-age-and-becoming-invisible/653176.md?page=4)