# Mild Pit on Female/Male Langauge Differences **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2006, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777 "2006-12-12T02:59:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/41 "2006-12-12T21:13:12Z")
[QUOTE=flight] H: You’ll never guess who I ran into today? M: Wilford Brimley? H: What? Who’s that? M: The oatmeal guy. H: Why would I have seen him? M: I have no idea. H: What was I talking about? [/QUOTE] I just about peed myself after reading this. I DO THIS! I may have even done the Wilford Brimley thing! It’s so easy and fun, I wonder why it’s not a usual thing with other people. I do it with friend’s wives when they ask the open-ended questions, and their husbands laugh as well. I respond similarly to ladies in the office…everyone chuckles. My least favorite thing is when my wife asks me something when she already has a preferred answer. Her favorite: Wife: “Honey…start thinking about where you want to go to lunch.” Me: “OK.” Wife: “Where do you want to go, then?” Me: “I’m easy…wherever.” Wife: “That’s not an answer!” If I do answer (like, for example, Kona Grill), thenshe overrides where I wanted to go anyway. Not having any real attachment to my choice most of the time…I let her. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/42 "2006-12-12T21:22:06Z")
That’s a good one. There should be a law: If you ask the other person where they want to eat, and they answer, you should not be allowed to then disagree. It annoys me no end when refuses to come up with any suggestions, but then vetoes all _my_ ideas. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/43 "2006-12-12T22:14:26Z")
[QUOTE=flight] H: You’ll never guess who I ran into today? M: Wilford Brimley? H: What? Who’s that? M: The oatmeal guy. H: Why would I have seen him? M: I have no idea. H: What was I talking about? [/QUOTE] With me, the conversation would go more like this: Me: You’ll never guess who I ran into today? You: Wilford Brimley? Me: Yeah. How’d you know? (Or maybe, “That was a \*really \*close guess, but no. It was [person].”) ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/44 "2006-12-12T23:55:18Z")
From that old _Herman’s Head_ sitcom: HEDY: Herman, is this skirt too tight? HERMAN: Not if you’ve been shot in the ass and you’re trying to stop the bleeding. HEDY: Oh, good! ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/45 "2006-12-13T05:09:12Z")
my best guy friend does this. We often go through the whole “guess what guess what guess what!!” “uh you’re pregnant.” “no!” “you found a live porpoise in your garage and you’re now trying to keep it alive by putting wet towels on it” routine. What REALLY bugs me, though, is when he starts a statement and he wants you to probe for details. “so I saw someone at the grocery store” or “something weird just happened.” or “I have a new idea for a video game” . To which I’m supposed to respond, “who?” or “what?” and then he tells me all about it. It just seems so scripted to me, and the idea of having a scripted conversation just feels weird. It’s like the old routine- “my dog is so short” “HOW SHORT IS IT?” ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/46 "2006-12-13T06:26:22Z")
Oh my God - I had a girlfriend who did that all the time, except she’d also make up some teaser line that was supposed to be cute, like: “I think I’m cursed.” and then nothing… and then I was supposed to say, “Wow, really?! What happened? Please tell me more.” Or “I actually visited hell today.” silence… After this happened a lot, I started to dispense with the coaxing just to see what would happen. “I think I’m cursed.” “Oh.” And then it would just be silence for awhile, and after what seemed like an eternity, she’d tell me her story. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/47 "2006-12-13T08:01:40Z")
Oh, man. I remember falling for the “What are you feeling?” trap. Whatever the correct answer is, it _isn’t_ a pause followed by “vague suspicion.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/48 "2006-12-13T08:38:48Z")
[QUOTE=Cemetery Savior] I just about peed myself after reading this. I DO THIS! I may have even done the Wilford Brimley thing! It’s so easy and fun, I wonder why it’s not a usual thing with other people. I do it with friend’s wives when they ask the open-ended questions, and their husbands laugh as well. I respond similarly to ladies in the office…everyone chuckles. My least favorite thing is when my wife asks me something when she already has a preferred answer. Her favorite: Wife: “Honey…start thinking about where you want to go to lunch.” Me: “OK.” Wife: “Where do you want to go, then?” Me: “I’m easy…wherever.” Wife: “That’s not an answer!” If I do answer (like, for example, Kona Grill), thenshe overrides where I wanted to go anyway. Not having any real attachment to my choice most of the time…I let her. -Cem [/QUOTE] There’s a name for this in Spanish: _hacer el zopilote_. Not to be mistaken with _hacer el buitre_ or _buitrear_ (to borrow without intending to repay), although both zopilotes and buitres are vultures. It’s after the vultures’ scene in Disney’s Jungle Book, and I’m paraphrasind and back-translating so please forgive me the inaccuracies: “what we gonna do?” “dunnow, what we gonna do?” “hey I donnaw… hey I asked first?” “so?” “so, dunnow… what we gonna do?” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/49 "2006-12-13T08:40:39Z")
A friend of mine has managed to cure her mother (mostly) of “what are you thinking?” by answering things along the lines of “of getting a divorce and a sex change.” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/50 "2006-12-13T09:39:04Z")
[QUOTE=lowbrass] That’s a good one. There should be a law: If you ask the other person where they want to eat, and they answer, you should not be allowed to then disagree. It annoys me no end when refuses to come up with any suggestions, but then vetoes all _my_ ideas. [/QUOTE] Your name is David and you married my ex-fiancée! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sevastopol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Sevastopol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevastopol)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/51 "2006-12-13T10:04:17Z")
Don’t do this: She: Don’t you wonder why I don’t like to talk about that? He: Wonder what a woman is thinking? There be dragons and eating of the insane root, flee, flee. … Coven: Some people are just more rational than others, know what I mean? He: Men? … She: Can I ask you a personal question? He: Sure, I’ve got 5 minutes. … ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/52 "2006-12-13T11:55:37Z")
[QUOTE=lowbrass] That’s a good one. There should be a law: If you ask the other person where they want to eat, and they answer, you should not be allowed to then disagree. It annoys me no end when refuses to come up with any suggestions, but then vetoes all _my_ ideas. [/QUOTE] We have a deal that if you do veto, you _must_ counter with another suggestion, which the other person can veto but the same applies, until we hit boredom or a restaurant we can agree on. However, if we’re both in a silly mood the counter-proposals usually run to horrific places neither of us ever want to eat again. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/53 "2006-12-13T14:59:06Z")
[QUOTE=Idlewild] We have a deal that if you do veto, you _must_ counter with another suggestion, which the other person can veto but the same applies, until we hit boredom or a restaurant we can agree on. However, if we’re both in a silly mood the counter-proposals usually run to horrific places neither of us ever want to eat again. [/QUOTE] I have almost completely stopped giving any suggestions as I am convinced she only asks my opinion so she knows what she doesn’t want to do. All the way down to, “Which of these skirts do you like more?” To that I just say the opposite of what I think because I can guarantee she will go with the other one. I wonder what that says about my taste and her awareness of it. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/54 "2006-12-17T08:31:31Z")
At least I know how to spell “language.” ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/55 "2006-12-17T11:54:26Z")
[QUOTE=JillGat] At least I know how to spell “language.” [/QUOTE] And there is, er, rejoicing in the street! And such. ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/56 "2006-12-17T15:46:13Z")
I, for one, think it’s a red lettered day for the dope that a misspelling in the title didn’t get commented on until the second page. I think this may be the first time that’s happened. Someone note today’s date for the record books. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/57 "2006-12-17T16:08:14Z")
[Read this book.](http://www.amazon.com/Men-Mars-Women-Venus-Understanding/dp/0060574216/sr=8-1/qid=1166371648/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-6349563-9704961?ie=UTF8&s=books) ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/58 "2006-12-17T21:26:26Z")
Actually, I think Deborah Tannen’s [You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation](http://http://www.amazon.com/You-Just-Dont-Understand-Conversation/dp/0060959622/sr=1-2/qid=1166390592/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-2803937-8156763?ie=UTF8&s=books) is a much better book on the subject. It’s written by an actual expert in sociolinguistics with some good academic research behind it. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/59 "2006-12-17T23:26:41Z")
[QUOTE=BraheSilver] Oh, man. I remember falling for the “What are you feeling?” trap. Whatever the correct answer is, it _isn’t_ a pause followed by “vague suspicion.” [/QUOTE] I laughed until I cried when I read this. I also do the absurd suggestion to the leading question routine, but I don’t get as many chances as some people seem to. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2006, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777/60 "2006-12-18T20:26:58Z")
The problem with these books that purport to explain the differences between men and women is that women read them, and then have all sorts of expectations about how men are _supposed_ to behave. I dated a woman who happened to have done very well for herself and had somewhere around 10 times as much money as I have. I naively thought that wouldn’t be a problem. But after dating for several weeks, picking up the check every time we went out, and having her not offer to pay even _once_, not even for half, I finally asked if I was going to always be paying for everything. (I didn’t want _her_ to pay for everything; I just thought it would be nice for her to offer maybe once or twice.) Her response was that I shouldn’t want her to pay because then I would feel “emasculated”. Listen honey - let _me_ worry about whether I’m feeling emascuated or not. I don’t need people telling me how I’m _supposed_ to feel when I don’t fit into the stereotype of what some pop psychology author thinks a man is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pit-on-female-male-langauge-differences/383777.md?page=4)