# Mild Pitting - posters asking for advice and then ignoring it **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 27, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735 "2008-11-27T20:10:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/21 "2008-11-28T01:31:46Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Come on, haven’t you ever had a real-life acquaintence who came up to you and said “Sofis/Jeff, I can’t figure out what to do, what do you think?” and then blows you off? Don’t know about you, but I find that kind of thing at least mildly annoying, and often causes me to lower my estimation of that person. What would really chap my hide never happens in real life but only on this message board: a person who comes to you (your community) for and then _pointedly_ ignores you even as you’re talking. No, it literally does not bother me like that. The people who ask questions on the dope are strangers to me, there’s no emotional investment compared to real life. More than that, they are posting a public question which will necessarily garner a multitude of answers, mine included, often while they are offline. This is not 911 and they’re not required to stay on the line while we respond. Or refuse to make up their mind until ‘x’ number of posts have been made. Nor can he personally respond to every poster who offers them advice. ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/22 "2008-11-28T01:45:44Z")
> [@A.I.Wintermute](#): > > P.S.: Hi Sofis, former GL poster/lurker here! Wow, it’s been years since I posted there, I’m a bit surprised anyone still remembers me. But I suppose I was one of the more prolific posters there. I don’t recognise your name, I’m afraid. It’s nice to be reminded of the past, though :). ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/23 "2008-11-28T01:58:06Z")
> [@Jeff](#): > > No, it literally does not bother me like that. The people who ask questions on the dope are strangers to me, there’s no emotional investment compared to real life. Ah, so if somebody acted the way the OP described _in “real life”_ then it _would_ annoy you just a little, am I right? I think this thread boils down to whether one considers the SDMB as completely divorced from one’s “real life” where everyone is an anonymous stranger. Is that about the size of it? ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/24 "2008-11-28T02:25:46Z")
**featherlou** , I beat you to this one. 😉 I posted this in his thread before he came back to tell us the obvious, that he was listening to his small head. You could see the trainwreck coming down the track in slow motion. > [@Can I date a High Schooler?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/10): > > Is this one of those threads where the OP posts a question and waits while 20 people say no and then takes the first yes or even maybe and runs with it? I hope not cause I hate those. As\*\* jsgoddess\*\* noted, there have been way too many “sneering OPs” lately. I can think of at least 4 in the last two months that were annoying. That word sneering really describes them wonderfully. But the most annoying part is that when he comes back to MPSIMS to tell everyone how a girl broke his heart, it will be seen as heartless for people to point that thread back to him. I’m reserving that right. This is my proof. ---
**Author:** ![Qwisp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qwisp/32/397_2.png) [@Qwisp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwisp)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/25 "2008-11-28T02:28:46Z")
What I perceive to be so annoying is the fact that if someone takes the time to solicit advice, a well meaning poster who responds usually will do so because of life experience ,we have a pretty good idea of what advice to offer. When the OP goes and ignores said advice it kinda makes you feel like your life experience is not worth the time it took to respond. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/26 "2008-11-28T02:33:52Z")
No one said it wasn’t his life. No one said he should do what people on some “anonymous message board” said he should do. BUT… **THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE START A THREAD ASKING FOR ADVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!** What the hell was the whole point of it? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/27 "2008-11-28T02:37:54Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > \ > But the most annoying part is that when he comes back to MPSIMS to tell everyone how a girl broke his heart, it will be seen as heartless for people to point that thread back to him. > > I’m reserving that right. This is my proof. Damn right. I don’t have a problem with people wanting to have a discussion with us - he could have started a thread with, “I’m planning to have a relationship with a 16 year old - any thoughts?” and that would have been perfectly fair ball. As it was, he was specifically looking for advice, and that’s where things get irritating. Some of you are relating this to real life; what it feels like to me, to make an analogy, is someone coming to your desk at work, asking your opinion on what they should do about a personal question, and either walking away as you’re answering (the people who never come back to their threads) or listening your advice and telling you they had no intention of doing anything except what they were planning to do in the first place. Well, why were you wasting my time, then? I could have been looking at lolcats. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/28 "2008-11-28T02:39:55Z")
I this whole thing boils down to whether you believe you are the only opinion the asker has sought. I assume I am not. I am one of many voices the asker heard and he made his decision based on all the opinions (weighed by whatever criteria he had) and his own thought processes. If his final decision matches my opinion or not is not because of my opinion. That’s just the way it bounced. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/29 "2008-11-28T02:45:38Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > No one said it wasn’t his life. No one said he should do what people on some “anonymous message board” said he should do. > > BUT… **THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE START A THREAD ASKING FOR ADVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!** > > What the hell was the whole point of it? Because he was–get this–asking for advice. I know, it sounds crazy, but just because he made his own decision doesn’t mean he didn’t weigh the advice given. People do that sometimes; look at all the available information and come to their own decision. Weird, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/30 "2008-11-28T02:54:39Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Ah, so if somebody acted the way the OP described _in “real life”_ then it _would_ annoy you just a little, am I right? > > I think this thread boils down to whether one considers the SDMB as completely divorced from one’s “real life” where everyone is an anonymous stranger. Is that about the size of it? Like I said, there’s no emotional investment. Its not that I think “it’s just the interwebs, it doesn’t matter.” I know people on-line who I would consider just as close a friend as people I know offline, despite the fact we’ve never met. But most people here really are strangers to me. Take yourself for example: I don’t know your name (assuming its not Koxinga), I don’t even know if you’re a guy or a gal. I didn’t know Freejooky was a guy before his thread, and I certainly don’t know his name either. That’s just about the epitome of anonymous. _added on preview_ And if my other realistic option is to be like Guin is acting, gosh I like my plan better. No all-caps bolded rage for me, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![atomicbadgerrace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@atomicbadgerrace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atomicbadgerrace)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/31 "2008-11-28T03:01:06Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > No one said it wasn’t his life. No one said he should do what people on some “anonymous message board” said he should do. > > BUT… **THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE START A THREAD ASKING FOR ADVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!** > > What the hell was the whole point of it? What the hell does it matter to you? What the hell is the point of half of the threads on this message board? Christ, don’t get all pissy just because his decision isn’t in line with the one you would have made. Go outside or something. Let it be said here and now, if I post a “what do you guys think?” message, that is NOT a “I’m going to make my decision based on what you guys think!” message. Not by a long shot. It’s a **what do you guys think?** message. [QUOTE=featherlou] Surprisingly enough, though, if 50 anonymous internet people tell you something is a bad idea, it’s probably a bad idea. [/QUOTE] Not necessarily. 50 anonymous internet people aren’t actually involved in the scenario; the OP, the girl, and her parents are. Those are really the only people whose advice should be sought. But you don’t need to hang him for asking what your opinion might be. Perhaps he’s just genuinely curious what you think. Or just wants to know **what your humble opinion** might be. Lame ass pitting. ETA: What **Sofis** said. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/32 "2008-11-28T03:08:55Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Come on, haven’t you ever had a real-life acquaintence who came up to you and said “Sofis/Jeff, I can’t figure out what to do, what do you think?” and then blows you off? Don’t know about you, but I find that kind of thing at least mildly annoying, and **often causes me to lower my estimation of that person**. What would really chap my hide never happens in real life but only on this message board: a person who comes to you (your community) for and then _pointedly_ ignores you even as you’re talking. Well, hell. If everybody just did everything your way, the world would be a much better place! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/33 "2008-11-28T03:19:14Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > Well, hell. If everybody just did everything your way, the world would be a much better place! :rolleyes: No shit. Just because someone asks for advice doesn’t mean they have to take it. It’s just something else to add to the thinking about it process. It’s advice, not an order. That said, the world _would_ be a much better place if everybody just did everything my way. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/34 "2008-11-28T03:28:17Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > Well, hell. If everybody just did everything your way, the world would be a much better place! Thanks Santo. I have always thought that showing a bit of respect to others, even if you disagree with them or end up not taking the course of action they recommend, is always a good idea. That’s especially true when you can expect that posters here might take the time to share what personal, hard-learned experience as **Qwisp** pointed out above. ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/35 "2008-11-28T03:36:11Z")
**Koxinga** , how did **Freejooky** fail to show respect? I asked this earlier (in post 18), and you did not respond: what should he have done that he did not do? How should he have behaved differently, other than by following the advice you thought he should have followed? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/36 "2008-11-28T04:54:15Z")
Meh, I can’t get behind this. I offered advice too which was not taken, but so what. It’s not like I offered a kidney that wasn’t taken. It’s not like **Freejooky** is my BFF and by not taking my advice he has ruined my life. Really, what the hell do I care if he takes my advice - it’s not like there’s a huge investment in writing a 10 line post. I have a degree in psychology that had a whole boatload of counselling type courses in it. The thing that was repeated in every single one is that when you give advice, you need to expect it to not be followed. However, generally when people are asking for advice, they aren’t asking you what they should do, they are using you as a sounding board. I have to admit that I find the manufactured outrage by the usual suspects rather hilarious - NB - this does not include the OP at all. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/37 "2008-11-28T05:01:34Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > That said, the world _would_ be a much better place if everybody just did everything my way. Just sayin’. That could be a very scary place. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/38 "2008-11-28T06:32:00Z")
> [@Sofis](#): > > Because, of course, one should always follow advice given by random strangers on the internet. > > **Freejooky** gets to make decisions regarding his life, not you. . Yes, you should if you ask for _advice by random strangers on the internet._ ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/39 "2008-11-28T06:55:36Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Yes, you should if you ask for _advice by random strangers on the internet._ I see. I disagree. Even when asking a single person you know well and trust, I think it is a good idea to think about the advice and then decide whether to follow it, since no one is infallible, and one’s friend may have misunderstood the situation or simply not thought of something. With relative strangers, that risk is increased, since they do not know you or the situation as well as a close friend, so contemplation seems a better idea than blind obedience even more so. And that’s not even counting the risk that the strangers may be outright stupid, insane, or malicious. And, of course, with many giving advice, one cannot obey all, since some will contradic others. In the end, I think one is responsible for one’s own actions _even when advised by others_, and with that must be coupled that one is also free to choose one’s own actions _even when advised by others_. Otherwise, how ccould one be held responsible for them? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/40 "2008-11-28T06:59:22Z")
> [@Sofis](#): > > With relative strangers, that risk is increased, since they do not know you or the situation as well as a close friend, so contemplation seems a better idea than blind obedience even more so. And that’s not even counting the risk that the strangers may be outright stupid, insane, or malicious. > And, of course, with many giving advice, one cannot obey all, since some will contradic others. You make a good point … _for not asking for advice from stangers._ Once you ask,you need to at least take it under consideration. Or don’t ask. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735.md?page=3)