# Mild Pitting - posters asking for advice and then ignoring it **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 27, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735 "2008-11-27T20:10:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/41 "2008-11-28T07:54:40Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > No one said it wasn’t his life. No one said he should do what people on some “anonymous message board” said he should do. > > BUT… **THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE START A THREAD ASKING FOR ADVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!** Because it may have seemed like a good idea at the time. And then he went about his real-life activities - work or hobbies or meeting this girl’s parents or whatever - and made his decision, having forgotten that he’d actually asked for advice here. It’s a possibility. This is a community, certainly, but not to everyone. For some of us, it’s a place to spend some time during the day reading grammatically clean discussions. And that’s about it. Advice is not always heard nor accepted, is most often ignored, and that’s human nature. People who give advice often feel let down by this because it is a gentle blow to their ego and is definitely a waste of their time. That’s human nature too. Featherlou calls this a mild pitting, and I agree with him. It’s one of those annoyances in life that do prick for a second or two. I’m sure I’m guilty of starting threads and forgetting about them, or responding and neglecting follow-up. Is that marginally poor netiquette? Sure. Awful enough to justify the fervour your post seems to project? I rather doubt it. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/42 "2008-11-28T10:36:53Z")
I’m thinking about wrapping my cat in duct tape and using it as a doorstop - is this a bad idea? And when I say I’m thinking about it, I mean I’ve already done it but I desperately need someone to provide me with a justification for my having done it since I can’t justify it myself. Also, it’s not my cat. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/43 "2008-11-28T12:16:16Z")
His thread will help the courts later on when he’s prosecuted as a sexual offender. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/44 "2008-11-28T13:09:31Z")
> [@atomicbadgerrace](#): > > What the hell does it matter to you? What the hell is the point of half of the threads on this message board? Christ, don’t get all pissy just because his decision isn’t in line with the one you would have made. Go outside or something. > > Let it be said here and now, if I post a “what do you guys think?” message, that is NOT a “I’m going to make my decision based on what you guys think!” message. Not by a long shot. It’s a **what do you guys think?** message. > > [snip] > > Lame ass pitting. Agreed 100%. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/45 "2008-11-28T13:31:16Z")
Do you take every bit of advice offered you immediately, especially advice intended over decades of your life? I don’t. I consider it, often keep doing what I’m doing as I ponder over it, and if I accept it, sometimes it takes a few weeks or months for me to accept the decision as my own. What’s the big deal? Did we all sign some sort of “I will put my brain into escrow and take any strongly worded advice I get” sort of contract? ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/46 "2008-11-28T17:52:11Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Yes, you should if you ask for _advice by random strangers on the internet._ So what advice exactly should he follow? There were two pages of responses that ranged from “burn in hell, fucking pedo” to “ride, Sally, ride”. Is there some objective rational criteria that he should use to determine which of all the advice given he should blindly follow just because he asked? (please don’t say majority rules) ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/47 "2008-11-28T17:58:40Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > His thread will help the courts later on when he’s prosecuted as a sexual offender. No, it won’t, you moron. She’s 16 which is the legal age of consent in his state. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/48 "2008-11-28T18:09:17Z")
Perhaps I was a wee too shrill-(the caps and the bolding). However, I stand by when I say I find it pretty annoying when people start threads-and then don’t even comment on what was said. Dude didn’t even address any of it. It’s his life, yeah. But it’s still pretty stupid to ask for advice-and then not even bother to say why you’re not taking it. Or even say, “Well, thanks, but I think it’ll be okay.” (At least, I don’t recall him doing so) Perhaps he was only bragging. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/49 "2008-11-28T18:13:25Z")
> [@Q.E.D](#): > > She’s 16 which is the legal age of consent in his state. Oops, no it isn’t. For some reason, I thought **Freejooky** was in one of the many states in which the AoC is 16. He’s in Illinois, however, where the AoC is 17; nevertheless, my point stands, since A) there’s no evidence of a sexual relationship and B) he apparently has the blessing of the girl’s parents. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/50 "2008-11-28T18:20:52Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Thanks Santo. I have always thought that showing a bit of respect to others, even if you disagree with them or end up not taking the course of action they recommend, is always a good idea. That’s especially true when you can expect that posters here might take the time to share what personal, hard-learned experience as **Qwisp** pointed out above. As **Sofis** said, how were you disrespected? The way I’m reading it, you were disrespected because your advice was not followed. What am I missing? Sure, a lot of people take the time to share their own, personal experiences. What if I were to have asked two years ago, “Is it worth it for me to go to graduate school?” and all the people who happened to view that thread were people who didn’t do well or had bad experiences in grad school? Would it have been disrespectful for me to have gone to grad school, anyway, even though a lot of people told me it was a bad idea? You’ll note in the original thread that there were a handful of people who said they met their SO in a similar situation. Would the OP have been disrespecting _them_ had he followed the advice of the majority? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/51 "2008-11-28T20:57:07Z")
> [@Q.E.D](#): > > Oops, no it isn’t. For some reason, I thought **Freejooky** was in one of the many states in which the AoC is 16. He’s in Illinois, however, where the AoC is 17; nevertheless, my point stands, since A) there’s no evidence of a sexual relationship and B) he apparently has the blessing of the girl’s parents. As people have pointed out in that thread (especially **Sailboat** and his cousin who is in jail), he’s playing with serious fire here. It doesn’t matter what he’s _doing_ - it can turn very badly for him based on what it _appears_ he’s doing. Most people wouldn’t touch that situation with a ten-foot pole. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/52 "2008-11-28T22:33:40Z")
Here’s something I figured out when I was abut 14, years before I ever read Jean-Paul Sartre: a lot of the time when people ask for advice, they are actually asking for you to tell them to do whatever it is they already want to do (or have even already done). If your advice is NOT what they already wanted to do, they’re going to ignore it. Knowing that this is common doesn’t make it any less annoying, though. If someone already knows what they want to do and isn’t going to be persuaded otherwise, they should skip the cowardly approval-seeking and just do it. The end result will be the same, and other people’s time won’t have been wasted. This also spares others the guilt of “What if I’d been more persuasive in my argument?” when and if things go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/53 "2008-11-28T22:49:37Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > As **Sofis** said, how were you disrespected? The way I’m reading it, you were disrespected because your advice was not followed. What am I missing? Sure, a lot of people take the time to share their own, personal experiences. What if I were to have asked two years ago, “Is it worth it for me to go to graduate school?” and all the people who happened to view that thread were people who didn’t do well or had bad experiences in grad school? Would it have been disrespectful for me to have gone to grad school, anyway, even though a lot of people told me it was a bad idea? You’ll note in the original thread that there were a handful of people who said they met their SO in a similar situation. Would the OP have been disrespecting _them_ had he followed the advice of the majority? I think asking about dating an underage girl (an action that could have legal consequences) is a hell of a lot difference than asking if it’s worth it to go to grad school. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![criminey.jicket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@criminey.jicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/criminey.jicket)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/54 "2008-11-28T23:01:31Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’m not convinced there is any 16 year old girl interested in him. The guy started a troll thread, got a predictable response, came back and said “neener, neener”. That’s what I thought when I read **Freejooky’s** OP. I thought his mentioning of going out to look at _comics_ with the kid was a bit O.T.T. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/55 "2008-11-28T23:09:29Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > As people have pointed out in that thread (especially **Sailboat** and his cousin who is in jail), he’s playing with serious fire here. It doesn’t matter what he’s _doing_ - it can turn very badly for him based on what it _appears_ he’s doing. Most people wouldn’t touch that situation with a ten-foot pole. Why? We convict innocent people who are seeing a girl with the consent of her parents? I don’t know what was up with Sailboat’s cousin - but its possible that he was actually engaging in statutory rape - which Freejooky is apparently NOT. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/56 "2008-11-28T23:09:59Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > You make a good point … _for not asking for advice from stangers._ Once you ask,you need to at least take it under consideration. Or don’t ask. Now that’s advice that hasn’t been asked for. 😃 Anyway, how do you know he didn’t “at least take it into consideration”? You a mind reader? ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/57 "2008-11-28T23:27:14Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Why? We convict innocent people who are seeing a girl with the consent of her parents? I don’t know what was up with Sailboat’s cousin - but its possible that he was actually engaging in statutory rape - which Freejooky is apparently NOT. I don’t know what the consent of her parents has to do with it. The state prosecutes and convicts on behalf of the people in society. As to what they might charge, it’s already been established in this thread that she’s underage in his state. Depending on the laws in his state, all he would have to do would be to (if the laws are similar in his state): > [@Can I date a High Schooler?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-i-date-a-high-schooler/474389/209): > > Don’t know if this has been covered (have only read parts of the thread). > I read she’s under age of consent in your area. I also read folks make a distiction between ‘dating’ and having sex. I cannot stress more strongly that you check out the law in your area before you do so much as hold hands. In Michigan, for example, phyisical contact of ‘breasts, buttocks, thigh or groin’ of uner age person (over or under clothes is not a factor \*\* nor is who \*\* is making contact) = 2nd degree criminal sexual contact. She cannot give consent. All it would take is her claim you touched her or had her touch you **or** any one else claiming they saw it. > > But, of course, you weren’t really looking for advice. If he did any of these things, if these laws apply in his state, he is no longer innocent as to the laws of his state. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/58 "2008-11-29T02:53:13Z")
> [@Q.E.D](#): > > Oops, no it isn’t. For some reason, I thought **Freejooky** was in one of the many states in which the AoC is 16. He’s in Illinois, however, where the AoC is 17; nevertheless, my point stands, since A) there’s no evidence of a sexual relationship and B) he apparently has the blessing of the girl’s parents. You forgot to quote the whole thing. Here’s what you left off. > [@](#): > > No, it won’t, you moron. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/59 "2008-11-29T03:05:09Z")
No, I meant that part. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/60 "2008-11-29T03:28:02Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I think asking about dating an underage girl (an action that could have legal consequences) is a hell of a lot difference than asking if it’s worth it to go to grad school. :dubious: Regardless of the sincerity of the advice, or ramifications for following or not following it, it isn’t disrespectful to the advice giver if the advice receiver chooses not to take it. I truly don’t understand the sentiment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735.md?page=4)