# Mild Pitting - posters asking for advice and then ignoring it **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 27, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735 "2008-11-27T20:10:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/61 "2008-11-29T04:39:56Z")
If you people gave better advice, this wouldn’t happen. I blame [global] you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/62 "2008-11-29T04:52:50Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > I don’t know what the consent of her parents has to do with it. The state prosecutes and convicts on behalf of the people in society. > > As to what they might charge, it’s already been established in this thread that she’s underage in his state. Depending on the laws in his state, all he would have to do would be to (if the laws are similar in his state): > > If he did any of these things, if these laws apply in his state, he is no longer innocent as to the laws of his state. First, he has to DO something illegal - dating a sixteen year old is not illegal. THEN that something has to get reported - by herself or her parents. THEN the state needs evidence - and if her parents are consenting to the relationship and she does as well, there are going to be a decided lack of witnesses - unless he takes his sixteen year old girlfriend to orgies. Well, I suppose they could accuse him even if he were innocent and he’d have to defend himself against that - but that doesn’t seem likely if they are inviting him to dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/63 "2008-11-29T06:33:43Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > First, he has to DO something illegal - dating a sixteen year old is not illegal. THEN that something has to get reported - by herself or her parents. THEN the state needs evidence - and if her parents are consenting to the relationship and she does as well, there are going to be a decided lack of witnesses - unless he takes his sixteen year old girlfriend to orgies. You didn’t read the quoted post, did you? If the laws in Illinois are the same in this regard as Michigan, all he would have to do is touch her on the thigh, fully dressed. That’s enough for him to be breaking the law. Anyone in the public who saw it can report it. Why would there be a lack of witnesses? Are they going to be cloistered in her parent’s house for the rest of their dating? They don’t have to be having sex or planning to have sex for him to be convicted of a sex crime. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > Well, I suppose they could accuse him even if he were innocent and he’d have to defend himself against that - but that doesn’t seem likely if they are inviting him to dinner. Her parents don’t need to accuse him of anything. It could be anyone who sees them. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/64 "2008-11-29T07:01:10Z")
It doesn’t bother me if people don’t use the advice their given. In the situation the OP used as an example, I didn’t think he was going to listen to anyone anyway. The sheer pathetic-ishness of his situation makes me pity him more than anything, really. What does get mildly annoying is when someone is looking for help with something, describes what they need in the OP and then sets about to (pardon the disgusting phrase) shit all over every reasonable suggestion they are given. That won’t work because of \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. No way to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ because it costs too much. I can’t have \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ because of blah blah blah. No matter what is suggested, it’s not good enough and for some pretty odd reasons. We have one person in particular who seems to do this more often than anyone else and I always wonder if she does it for attention or wants people to offer to do it/buy it for her instead. There are a few other people who I’ve seen do it, but the usual suspect(s) always makes me laugh. It’s almost like they’re wanting us to find them a magic unicorn. ---
**Author:** ![mshar253](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@mshar253](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mshar253)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/65 "2008-11-29T07:09:22Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > If someone already knows what they want to do and isn’t going to be persuaded otherwise, they should skip the cowardly approval-seeking and just do it. The end result will be the same, and other people’s time won’t have been wasted. You’re already surfing the SDMB, and _then_ you’re going to worry about your precious time being wasted? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/66 "2008-11-29T07:29:50Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > You didn’t read the quoted post, did you? If the laws in Illinois are the same in this regard as Michigan, all he would have to do is touch her on the thigh, fully dressed. That’s enough for him to be breaking the law. Anyone in the public who saw it can report it.\ As far as I understand it, any of her teachers who heard about her dating a 27 year old (or saw anything like a touch on the thigh) would be required by law to report it. As previously stated, consent of the girl and her parents has nothing to do with it. **Sleeps With Butterflies** , I know what you’re talking about, and that is definitely the most irritating way of responding to advice - rejecting everything proposed and getting huffy and short about it. It’s like the poster feels shortchanged BY FREE ADVICE FROM THE INTERNET. Honey, if we respond at all, you got your money’s worth. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/67 "2008-11-29T07:52:34Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > It doesn’t bother me if people don’t use the advice their given. In the situation the OP used as an example, I didn’t think he was going to listen to anyone anyway. The sheer pathetic-ishness of his situation makes me pity him more than anything, really. > > What does get mildly annoying is when someone is looking for help with something, describes what they need in the OP and then sets about to (pardon the disgusting phrase) shit all over every reasonable suggestion they are given. That won’t work because of \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. No way to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ because it costs too much. I can’t have \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ because of blah blah blah. No matter what is suggested, it’s not good enough and for some pretty odd reasons. > > We have one person in particular who seems to do this more often than anyone else and I always wonder if she does it for attention or wants people to offer to do it/buy it for her instead. There are a few other people who I’ve seen do it, but the usual suspect(s) always makes me laugh. It’s almost like they’re wanting us to find them a magic unicorn. Is there a third point to your post? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/68 "2008-11-29T07:58:37Z")
> [@Sapo](#): > > Is there a third point to your post? 😉 Cheeky monkey! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/69 "2008-11-29T11:18:25Z")
> [@Q.E.D](#): > > No, I meant that part. I know that. I picked up on your hostility a long time ago. I can live with that. I just normally ignore it out of politeness, which I will continue to do in the future. It really doesn’t upset me more than the tiniest smidgen. I’ve built up a tough hide over the years. Enjoy your holidays.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/70 "2008-11-29T11:26:43Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > I’m thinking about wrapping my cat in duct tape and using it as a doorstop - is this a bad idea? > > And when I say I’m thinking about it, I mean I’ve already done it but I desperately need someone to provide me with a justification for my having done it since I can’t justify it myself. > > Also, it’s not my cat. That depends. If the cat was dead when you duct taped it, no problem. If it was alive, you’re a bad person;) Why do you hate cats? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/71 "2008-11-29T13:19:16Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > Regardless of the sincerity of the advice, or ramifications for following or not following it, it isn’t disrespectful to the advice giver if the advice receiver chooses not to take it. I truly don’t understand the sentiment. WTF? I wasn’t commenting on the sincerity-I was making a point that the situations are a HELL of a lot different. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/72 "2008-11-29T23:13:30Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’m not convinced there is any 16 year old girl interested in him. The guy started a troll thread, got a predictable response, came back and said “neener, neener”. I didn’t agree with this initially, but I think I’m starting to move in this direction. Same guy just started an OP about DP in IMHO: > [@Ladies - is getting DP'ed "the ultimate?" REALLY?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-is-getting-dped-the-ultimate-really/474974/1): > > I met up with some friends for after-Thanksgiving cheer, and after several rounds two of the women in the group started talking sex, and things got frank quickly. Somehow things got on the subject of Threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes, and I was surprised when the two women - and a third who wasn’t really tight with our group, but was in the bottle by then - started talking about how getting DP’ed was analogous to the standard guy fantasy of “two chicks at the same time.” I countered that this was more of an artifact of hetero male-oriented porn, and that most women didn’t share the fantasy and that most of the ones that did were probably only doing so or saying so in order to have an analogous “the ultimate” bedroom fantasy. They insisted that most of their girlfriends felt the same way, but that women “don’t talk about it like guys do.” > > Ladies, what’s the dope on this one? I don’t really buy it. Let’s hope that his 16 year old “date” wasn’t there at the time. And let’s hope these are not the friends that she’ll be hanging out with. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/73 "2008-11-29T23:45:22Z")
That thread combined with his recent 16 year old one is setting off my troll alarms, too. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/74 "2008-11-29T23:49:34Z")
There is a certain “letters to Penthouse” quality there. + ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/75 "2008-11-30T01:32:41Z")
> [@mshar253](#): > > You’re already surfing the SDMB, and _then_ you’re going to worry about your precious time being wasted? The SDMB isn’t the only place where people ask for advice and then ignore it. People IRL have definitely wasted my time doing this. Even on the SDMB, there’s wasting time and there’s wasting time. It takes longer to write a post than to read one, and since most of us can only spend so much of our day on here then it is a waste of time for a poster to ask for responses that they are only going to ignore. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/76 "2008-11-30T02:04:37Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > Her parents don’t need to accuse him of anything. It could be anyone who sees them. If he pisses her off, it could be HER. Not a good situation to find oneself in. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/77 "2008-11-30T02:14:18Z")
I had this conversation with two now former friends. One was ALWAYS asking for advice, to which his only response was to shoot down every idea, no matter how easy, simple or obvious. Friend 2, who was the other advice giver, ultimately stopped and started ragging on Friend 1 about how he kept asking for advice with NO intention of taking any of it. Telling him to stop asking for it if his only intention and apparent interest in it was for it to serve as a bunch of clay pidgeons for him to shoot down. An actual conversation with Friend 1; “I’m really out of shape. I need some help getting in shape.” _“Start walking”_ “No, that won’t work. (excuse, excuse, excuse)” (extended conversation about walking to the store 1/2 mile away) “No, that’s too far. I’d be out of breath (blah, blah, blah, long list of excuses)” Me: :dubious: :mad: Some people are just stupid, and you can’t fix stupid. The other idea is that they want to think about it themselves, so they bounce it off others in a social way in order to feel like they’re contributing to the group conversation, but in fact, they’re really just speaking to themselves. (Which is a clue that, when push comes to shove, their friends only exist to entertain them, not as separate individuals in whom they take a real interest.) ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/78 "2008-11-30T02:16:20Z")
Don’t know why the OP is surprised, people do this constantly in real life. No one ever really asks for advice, they ask for confirmation of their already chosen course. ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/79 "2008-11-30T03:52:22Z")
Freejooky just wanted to mention Mensa, as if that is some Galactic Badge of Honor. “Thank God for Mensa” he said. Dude, you are still a moron. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735/80 "2008-11-30T04:44:01Z")
Worse than the people who ask for advice and then ignore it is the people who just _keep asking_ until you tell them what they want to here. I can live with being ignored once, but being ignored _repeatedly_ gets a little old. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mild-pitting-posters-asking-for-advice-and-then-ignoring-it/474735.md?page=5)