# Military fakers going overboard **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 7, 2010, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251 "2010-06-07T06:29:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/21 "2010-06-08T14:19:33Z")
And in the interests of fairness, I’ll relate this story: some time back, a girl I knew slightly was telling me that her boyfriend, an Army enlistee, had just gotten back from six months in Germany, where he had been awarded the “Distinguished Conduct Medal.” I asked her if she meant the Distinguished Service Medal, and she said, “Yes, that’s it!” Since I knew the Distinguished Service Medal was quite rare, especially for an enlistee (it’s higher in precedence than the Silver Star) I immediately decided that this guy was yanking her chain. Several weeks later I actually met the guy, and, wanting to see if he’d carry on the lie, I asked him about it in front of her. “What?” he laughed. “No, I got the Army Good Conduct Medal.” (Which is awarded after three years in without getting in any kind of serious trouble). So the problem was a ditzy girlfriend, nothing more… ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/22 "2010-06-08T14:24:52Z")
My daughter brought a new boyfriend home to meet me once. He said he was ex-Army. I asked him how long he was in—4 Years. I asked him his rank—E7! He did not like me much after I told him I was an E7 and proceeded to destroy him. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/23 "2010-06-08T14:32:16Z")
This is making me laugh as I was thinking about it the other day. My son and I had been in an airport in Memphis and were eating in the bar of a restaurant there when in comes a “warrior” in full regalia. He was really workin’ it and of course getting kudos and free drinks. We commented on how that would be a clever way to get a little ego boost and a few free cocktails - just go to your Army surplus store, doll up and take a swagger through an airport. Only last week my daughter commented on a man I know who has schizophrenia and has spent most of his life in and out of institutions. She’d said how sorry she felt for him as “VietNam messed him up.” So that’s how he explains his disability in a more acceptable way, I thought to myself. Clever and sad. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/24 "2010-06-08T14:37:21Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > My daughter brought a new boyfriend home to meet me once. He said he was ex-Army. I asked him how long he was in—4 Years. I asked him his rank—E7! > > He did not like me much after I told him I was an E7 and proceeded to destroy him. How long does it take to reach E7 ranks? ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/25 "2010-06-08T14:50:12Z")
A lot longer than 4 years. [Here’s the Air Force promotion table.](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:heQVztKI8wAJ:fromtheinside.us/handbook/promotion/TIS_TIG_Requirements.doc+air+force+promotion+tig/tis&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a) Note that you must have a minimum of 8 years time-in-service to make E-7 (Master Sergeant), along with time-in-grade requirements. Exceedingly few people make it in the bare minimum of time as promotion is not automatic and is based on many factors. Airmen are lucky to make E-5 (Staff Sergeant) in 4 years. That guy was absolutely, demonstrably full of it. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/26 "2010-06-08T14:55:07Z")
Oh, I’m not arguing that. I was just trying to figure _how_ out there his claim was (like, 29-year-old Fortune 500 CEO vs. 29-year-old POTUS). ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/27 "2010-06-08T15:14:35Z")
My grandfather was run through with a saber during his time in the desert in the second world war. He showed me the scar! I was recounting the tale at his wake and one of his daughters explained that what I’d seen was an appendix scar and that he had a habit of teasing small children. Recently I got sent his actual war records. He did indeed serve in the desert (that was never disputed) where he contracted malaria and had to be sent home. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/28 "2010-06-08T15:15:30Z")
I didn’t know that there weren’t any enlisted pilots in the Air Force either. Frankly, just about everything I know about the armed forces I learned from watching M_A_S\*H. Point being, the average civilian may well be quite ignorant about military matters. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/29 "2010-06-08T15:27:15Z")
Now I’m doing it - First World War I meant to say ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/30 "2010-06-08T15:27:36Z")
A little Googling indicates that Army chopper pilots and some Navy pilots are warrant officers, and can actually become such via enlisting- they just go straight to NCO status. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/31 "2010-06-08T15:31:31Z")
> [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > This is making me laugh as I was thinking about it the other day. My son and I had been in an airport in Memphis and were eating in the bar of a restaurant there when in comes a “warrior” in full regalia. He was really workin’ it and of course getting kudos and free drinks. > > We commented on how that would be a clever way to get a little ego boost and a few free cocktails - just go to your Army surplus store, doll up and take a swagger through an airport. > > Only last week my daughter commented on a man I know who has schizophrenia and has spent most of his life in and out of institutions. She’d said how sorry she felt for him as “VietNam messed him up.” So that’s how he explains his disability in a more acceptable way, I thought to myself. Clever and sad. I don’t think the British forces are allowed to wear their uniforms on the street - maybe this is one of the reasons. Anyone who boasts about their forces history should be treated with skepticism really. We had a Colonel So and So in our village, but everyone said he wasn’t and hadn’t been. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/32 "2010-06-08T16:34:51Z")
“Colonel” is a common one. Especial in the US south. Aren’t all auctioneers allowed to use it? Then there’s Colonel Sanders (Was he in the service? Does he exist?) “Colonel” Parker, Elvis’s manager. And don’t forget Captain Spaulding. Does anyone ever pretend to be a former Private? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/33 "2010-06-08T16:39:19Z")
> [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > Then there’s Colonel Sanders (Was he in the service? Does he exist?) Colonel Harland Sanders was a [Kentucky Colonel](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kentucky_colonel), an honorary nonmilitary rank granted by the Governors of Kentucky in much the same way knighthoods are conferred by the British Crown. ETA: Fun fact - the Arabic equivalent of a lieutenant colonel is muqaddam. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/34 "2010-06-08T16:46:34Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Frankly, just about everything I know about the armed forces I learned from watching M_A_S\*H. Corporal-Captain ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/35 "2010-06-08T18:24:43Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > But doesn’t all that stuff make it glaringly easy to confirm? I’m surprised these fakers don’t set the bar a little lower in their faux rank/accomplishments, since it arouses less suspicion. I had always thought that good liars got away with their lies by using deception that was plausible enough not to arouse any doubt. If you think about it for a second, you answered your own question there. The people who do the \*best \*job of faking military service are the ones we never find out about. It’s the overboard idiots who get caught. (And even the non-overboard idiots who get caught generally aren’t going to make the news, 'cause they’re presumably not as exciting.) ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/36 "2010-06-08T20:46:05Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > ETA: Fun fact - the Arabic equivalent of a lieutenant colonel is muqaddam. And the Hebrew term for general is Aloof. (Which even more amusingly, literally means “champion”.) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/37 "2010-06-08T21:08:45Z")
> [@](#): > > My grandfather was run through with a saber during his time in the desert in the second world war. He showed me the scar! I was recounting the tale at his wake and one of his daughters explained that what I’d seen was an appendix scar and that he had a habit of teasing small children. Recently I got sent his actual war records. He did indeed serve in the desert (that was never disputed) where he contracted malaria and had to be sent home. And it turns out we weren’t even fighting the Comanches in World War II. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/38 "2010-06-08T22:18:01Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > ETA: Fun fact - the Arabic equivalent of a lieutenant colonel is muqaddam. Cool! I’m totally going to start calling my dad muqaddam\* just to mess with him. With my luck he won’t bat an eye, totally messing with me! 🙂 \*He’s actually the real deal as opposed to a faker but he _MAAAY_ have told my mom’s younger brother, back when they were dating and bro was a snot-nosed teenager that dad could kill him in less than 6 seconds with only his thumb. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/39 "2010-06-08T23:47:13Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Colonel Harland Sanders was a [Kentucky Colonel](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kentucky_colonel), an honorary nonmilitary rank granted by the Governors of Kentucky in much the same way knighthoods are conferred by the British Crown. Quite a list there. Johnny Depp, Bill Clinton, Elvis, Betty White, Muhammed Ali, Tiger Woods, Hunter S. Motherfucking Thompson! So after Elvis became a Colonel, did he make the Colonel call him a Colonel? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251/40 "2010-06-08T23:48:00Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > A little Googling indicates that Army chopper pilots and some Navy pilots are warrant officers, and can actually become such via enlisting- they just go straight to NCO status. Warrant officers are officers, they get saluted and everything and their kids get to go to the officer’s club and eat prime rib and everything. 'Course, when they retire, they revert to E-9 for the better retirement pay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-fakers-going-overboard/542251.md?page=3)