# Military graveside service--what do I need to know? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [June 24, 2016, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212 "2016-06-24T07:21:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Magicicada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c67d28/32.png) [@Magicicada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magicicada)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/1 "2016-06-24T07:21:04Z")
A lot has been going on, and I haven’t been here much, but I need you all’s help. This is a graveside service at a national cemetery. Noncombat veteran, and apparently we’re getting Taps & the flag. Members of the closest Air Force Base will be present. There will only be four family members, all of us civilian women. We aren’t taking a minister–apparently it is BYOP, and we don’t have one, but that’s ok. We’ve already worked out which one of us gets the flag. There will be an urn rather than a casket. This is in the almost-southern US, and chances are good the temperature will be approaching triple digits. Is a modestly cut sleeveless dress alright? I may have on a hat, but do I remove it for the service? (In my far-off memory, a woman keeps her hat on even when a man removes his, but that may not be correct, and my mother is sure to find fault if I am not correct.) What do I need to know? What should I expect? By the time this happens, we will have spent 3 1/2 weeks untangling VA tape, and my sister & I are exhausted. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/2 "2016-06-24T13:11:56Z")
VFW members did my Dads. He was also non-combat, but overseas. Their where only 4 of us in attendance. I’m a ‘shooter’ so I should have been ready for this, but the 21 gun salute from M-1’s is VERY loud. Shockingly so. ---
**Author:** ![Chihuahua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Chihuahua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chihuahua)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/3 "2016-06-24T13:32:32Z")
If you have a Casualty Assistance Officer assigned, you can ask him/her. Otherwise, there are no “rules.” It’s the family’s funeral, not the service’s. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/4 "2016-06-24T14:09:54Z")
**Magicada** , I am sorry for your loss. What you plan to wear is most appropriate in 2016 for a secular outdoor funeral service. You don’t need to remove your hat at any point. … > [@enipla](#): > > I’m a ‘shooter’ so I should have been ready for this, but the **21 gun salute** from M-1’s is VERY loud. Shockingly so. [Three-volley salute](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-volley_salute), correct? ---
**Author:** ![Magicicada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c67d28/32.png) [@Magicicada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magicicada)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/5 "2016-06-24T17:13:09Z")
Unfortunately, there’s no VFW involved. He lived in another part of the country but had no close family there, hence the burial here. He apparently had no VFW ties there and we have none here–it certainly would have made things simpler if we did. To further complicate things, the actual cemetery is over 100 miles from where we live. We never had a rep from the military or VA assisting us, at least near as we could see. ---
**Author:** ![Magicicada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c67d28/32.png) [@Magicicada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magicicada)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/6 "2016-06-24T17:22:44Z")
Sorry, I meant to add that my sister was specifically told (not sure by whether it was by the VA or the A.F. Base) that he would not qualify for the three gun volley. The explanation she was given was that it was because he was not a combat veteran. And to be fair, he served a few years in that lull between Korea and Viet Nam and (I say this affectionately) he appears to have not distinguished himself. We’re grateful that he can go to a national cemetery, and that his grave site will be kept up. It’s just that it was like pulling teeth with broken pliars getting this far. And we have to bring the flag ourselves. I’m just hoping Taps isn’t a recording… ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/7 "2016-06-24T19:59:25Z")
> [@Magicicada](#): > > Sorry, I meant to add that my sister was specifically told (not sure by whether it was by the VA or the A.F. Base) that he would not qualify for the three gun volley. The explanation she was given was that it was because he was not a combat veteran. And to be fair, he served a few years in that lull between Korea and Viet Nam and (I say this affectionately) he appears to have not distinguished himself. We’re grateful that he can go to a national cemetery, and that his grave site will be kept up. It’s just that it was like pulling teeth with broken pliars getting this far. > > And we have to bring the flag ourselves. I’m just hoping Taps isn’t a recording… There are few real bugle players around although if its from a base that has a band it’s possible. Now you will likely get an electronic bugle. It looks and sounds like a real one and it starts to play when the soldier puts it up to his lips. It’s better than having someone push a button on a boombox when there isn’t a bugler available. Sorry if I’m pulling back the curtain. > [@Magicicada](#): > > Unfortunately, there’s no VFW involved. He lived in another part of the country but had no close family there, hence the burial here. He apparently had no VFW ties there and we have none here–it certainly would have made things simpler if we did. To further complicate things, the actual cemetery is over 100 miles from where we live. We never had a rep from the military or VA assisting us, at least near as we could see. It doesn’t matter if he had any ties to the VFW. For particular areas the VFW, American Legion or the state’s National Guard help render military honors. Since you seem to be getting that from the Air Force Base they wouldn’t be needed. ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e47774/32.png) [@quiltguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/8 "2016-06-24T20:08:01Z")
Not much TO know. Be dignified, attentive and have a hanky/tissue handy. I’ve been to several military funerals and all goes week until “Taps” is played, whether by an in-the-flesh military band member, a VFW stalwart or a recording. We’ve been conditioned to associate this iconic piece of music with an armed services member now gone to his/her rest. I maintain; however, that few would not be moved who had never heard the tune before(I’ll leave it to our resident musicologists to explain why the particular tune is SO moving) It’s rare to see a dry eye by the time the tune fades away. Combat or not, overseas or not, every service member takes an oath to serve the country, how ever called upon. A military funeral, even those limited in scope and duration, is their due. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/9 "2016-06-24T21:21:43Z")
Wear whatever you would consider appropriate for a non-military funeral. For a civilian, there is no different expectation. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/10 "2016-06-24T21:38:14Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > **Magicada** , I am sorry for your loss. What you plan to wear is most appropriate in 2016 for a secular outdoor funeral service. You don’t need to remove your hat at any point. > > … > > [Three-volley salute](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-volley_salute), correct? Unless his dad was President of the United States, it was a Three Volley Salute. And anyway, M1s are not used for 21 Gun Salutes. Large artillery guns are used, not rifles. To the OP, women in attendance are not expected to remove their hats. You are expected to stand and place your hand over your heart when Taps is played. This is probably the most common “error” I see at military funerals. Most participants do not realize what is supposed to happen during Taps. Conduct during the playing of Taps is identical to the playing of the national anthem. All stand and place the right hand over the heart. Men remove their hats and hold it in their hand. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/11 "2016-06-24T22:19:30Z")
During the rifle volley you will be startled. Everyone usually is. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/12 "2016-06-24T22:24:48Z")
When I was in the Army I did two cycles on funeral detail and I actually enjoyed it a lot. Unless they actually got a member of the Army band to play the taps that the bugle plays is actually a prerecorded tracks that plays out of a cone shaped speaker that slides into the bell of the horn. I never knew this till I worked funeral detail, but it sounds authentic enough just there are no mistakes obviously its a little too perfect but they face away from you so you don’t see the music is fake. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/13 "2016-06-24T22:27:28Z")
I see **Loach** already addressed my only point, if I remember correctly it has multiple songs, I was always paranoid it would be mistakenly set on Reveille, now that would liven up a funeral. ---
**Author:** ![Ex\_Bubblehead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ex_bubblehead/32/3397_2.png) [@Ex\_Bubblehead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ex_Bubblehead)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/14 "2016-06-25T04:27:04Z")
I attended a cousin’s interment at the Riverside National Cemetery a couple of years ago. When the time came for Taps all active duty and veterans were invited to render hand salute, whether in uniform or not. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/15 "2016-06-25T04:36:11Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > Conduct during the playing of Taps is identical to the playing of the national anthem. All stand and place the right hand over the heart. Or, if they wish, they just stand. Putting your hand over your heart is more of an overt statement of loyalty that some people are not comfortable making. Standing is generally accepted as a measure of respect, though. (Just like when you go to a church function, you should stand when everyone else stands but it’s okay if you sit when they kneel. Or kneel if that’s what you want to do, but like with the hand on the heart, what it signifies is more personal and is therefore less obligatory.) ---
**Author:** ![Magicicada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c67d28/32.png) [@Magicicada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magicicada)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/16 "2016-06-25T06:01:20Z")
Thank you everyone for your answers & kind thoughts. I shall keep my hat on and not look too closely at the bugle. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/17 "2016-06-25T06:26:44Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > During the rifle volley you will be startled. Everyone usually is. There will be no volley. > [@Magicicada](#): > > Sorry, I meant to add that my sister was specifically told (not sure by whether it was by the VA or the A.F. Base) that he would not qualify for the three gun volley. The explanation she was given was that it was because he was not a combat veteran. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/18 "2016-06-25T13:55:30Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > **Magicada** , I am sorry for your loss. What you plan to wear is most appropriate in 2016 for a secular outdoor funeral service. You don’t need to remove your hat at any point. > > … > > [Three-volley salute](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-volley_salute), correct? Yes. Three volley of 7 guns. I had NO idea it was coming, they where behind us. I have one of the shells/brass. And Magicicada, sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/19 "2016-06-25T14:29:47Z")
> [@Magicicada](#): > > Sorry, I meant to add that my sister was specifically told (not sure by whether it was by the VA or the A.F. Base) that he would not qualify for the three gun volley. The explanation she was given was that it was because he was not a combat veteran. Hmm… my uncle retired from the USAF after 20 years. He certainly wasn’t a combat veteran (he drove forklifts or sergeanted airmen who did), yet when he passed, the local USAFR or was it NG unit provided a squad for full military honors at his graveside. Okay, instead of a bugler it was a boom box, and it could have been M-16s with blank firing adapters instead of M-1s with chromed parts, and there was no Commissioned Officer, but still, it was nice and there was a 3 volley salute fired by the 7 of them. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212/20 "2016-06-25T14:53:33Z")
According to the Wikipedia link upstream, Air Force veterans no longer get three volley salutes because of budgetary reasons. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/military-graveside-service-what-do-i-need-to-know/758212.md?page=2)