# Mini-Rants for April Fools **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 1, 2021, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176 "2021-04-01T18:52:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2021, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/161 "2021-04-19T20:35:21Z")
You know what they say, don’t look a gift horse in the uterus (I think that’s what they say). ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/162 "2021-04-20T02:36:58Z")
It’s been 14 days since I caught my son’s cold. I’m still goddamned sick. I’ll be okay for hours and then go into a sudden long coughing spasm where it’s hard to catch a breath. My MIL thinks it’s walking pneumonia. I think it’s bronchitis. I know if I go to see a doctor they are going to do a damned COVID test but the odds that it’s COVID are vanishingly small (I am vaccinated and super cautious.) I’m afraid to let someone shove a swab up my nose. I have a hyper - responsive gag reflex. But I should probably just woman up and go. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/163 "2021-04-20T03:01:49Z")
Woman up and go. . . Glad to help! Seriously, I gag easily, but the last two tests just tickled. And wouldn’t it be great if you’ve got a bug that’ll respond to a round of antibiotics? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/164 "2021-04-20T10:54:01Z")
A newborn pony is a tough sell. His first thought was a bullet and a hole, but his wife would object and the neighbors had seen the foal nursing. He’s going to have to care for the foal through weaning, then find a buyer. ---
**Author:** ![slalexan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@slalexan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slalexan)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/165 "2021-04-20T14:25:04Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Asshole customer came back the next day. One of the other budtenders caught the name & held me back, sent a male budtender out with his order. > > I’ve called out for today, because I just can’t deal with the noise inside my head. I also filed a sexual harassment claim with the state, which is freaking me out further. > > I just wish none of this had happened. {{appropriate physical and/or emotional support gesture}} It shouldn’t have happened. He should have been told off, preferably by a fellow customer or your manager so that he would learn how to behave better. And it should have happened a long time ago.There is no excuse for his behavior. My only gripe today is that daycare called, again, and said they couldn’t take the daughter to school this morning and that I would have to do it myself. It would be really nice if we could have a regular routine in the morning, even if she weren’t autistic. Can we get back to normal now, please? ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/166 "2021-04-20T17:28:39Z")
I went to a local drugstore and did my own covid test, it was not that bad. I also have a high gag reflex and cannot abide anything up my nose. I also had a horrible cough that I was pretty sure was allergies. No Covid and eventually the allergies got better. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/167 "2021-04-20T17:33:40Z")
When I had a Covid test (I was in the hospital and needed a procedure, they tested me first to see if it was safe to do it) it took about ten seconds and it was the equivalent of sticking dental floss up my nose. Not pleasant and it made my eyes water a bit but it didn’t hurt and it was done very quickly. Like others said, it is a slight tickle. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/168 "2021-04-20T18:13:13Z")
Thanks for the reassurance. Unfortunately the health care system in my county is overloaded right now and not only is my doctor not answering the phone, the voice mailbox is full. I guess I will try to go to urgent care tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![teelabrown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teelabrown/32/8412_2.png) [@teelabrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teelabrown)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/169 "2021-04-20T20:25:16Z")
I’m being driven crazy by freakin’ rats in the attic. We had exclusion done about fifteen years ago and that kept them out a long time, but they’re back. We just had an attic guy come in and examine it up there, and he declines to take on the job and advises my husband to just set some traps in the attic. We’ve done that! Sometimes we catch a rat but more often they just avoid the traps. I tried to reason with my husband that even if we catch some rats with traps, they’ll still keep coming in through whatever new holes they’ve made. I lost the argument, though. So I guess I get to try to sleep with the noise of scrambling rats a few feet above my head, and waiting for the traps to work. Ugh. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/170 "2021-04-20T20:55:57Z")
Eek rats. They are smart, I’ll give you that. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/171 "2021-04-20T21:04:18Z")
We have mice, and at night I pretend the noise is fairies having a party on the roof. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/172 "2021-04-21T15:09:33Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > A pony is just a small horse, they are both _Equus ferus caballus_. But yes, he purchased a female pony, thought it was fat (many ponies are), turns out it was pregnant. I had that happen with a guinea pig I bought from a local pet store several years ago. But a second unexpected guinea pig is a hell of a lot easier to deal with than a second unexpected pony! 😲 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/173 "2021-04-21T15:27:11Z")
Listening in on the company zoom there are some people who can’t help but talk of their kids sporting accomplishments, saying they are pushing their kids to excel in sports so they can get scholarships, and I just want to say ‘you know, you can just work on making your kid smart and get the same results, all without the risk of a injury… or a bored kid… derailing your plans’, but I just shut up and wish them luck. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/174 "2021-04-21T15:54:48Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > they are pushing their kids to excel in sports so they can get scholarships Also, if they put the money they spend on coaches/travel teams/etc into a 529 plan, they’d likely end up in the same place monetarily. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/175 "2021-04-21T16:09:34Z")
I do not want to cast aspersions on those who use this strategy: for many people sports _is_ the best chance at low or no-cost college. But when you brag that all _five_ of your kids are being pushed to excel in sports for this one purpose, you’re not really thinking _anything_ through. You just made a decision and, by God and by Damn, that’s that! ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/176 "2021-04-21T22:16:20Z")
I know someone who went to college on a sports scholarship. In his very first football game he was tackled by half the opposing team and ended up needing extensive knee surgery that ended his football career. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/177 "2021-04-21T22:17:11Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > I had that happen with a guinea pig I bought from a local pet store several years ago. But a second unexpected guinea pig is a hell of a lot easier to deal with than a second unexpected pony! 😲 One big difference is that ponies aren’t known for eating their young. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2021, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/178 "2021-04-21T22:19:54Z")
That wouldn’t have happened if his parents had pushed him harder to excel at sports in Kindergarten. ---
**Author:** ![Reeses\_Monkey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reeses_monkey/32/2885_2.png) [@Reeses\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeses_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2021, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/179 "2021-04-22T00:07:03Z")
You know my uncle? He went to USC in the early 70s on a football scholarship, blew out his knee, and ended up becoming a bus driver for the City of Los Angeles. He retired many years later and now lives in Olympia, where he raises llamas. ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2021, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176/180 "2021-04-22T02:54:49Z")
So, a younger than me friend (about 20 years difference) who hasn’t gone roller skating since she was in Jr. High school got bad influenced by _her_ younger friends and bought a pair of snazzy roller skates to be one of the gang. On Sunday, she wasn’t going that fast, had just done a spin so she could skate backwards while talking to her husband, hit a crack in the sidewalk and now has two broken wrists which includes fingers to upper arms casts. I am a very bad friend, I think there should be cards that say things like “I hope you didn’t spill your beer” or “Da’fuk where you thinking you dumass” but couldn’t find anything I thought was appropriate, so just bought a generic get well soon card which I took to where we used to work together to have folks sign. \* Nobody there seemed to understand how hysterically funny it is that this happened. My mother thought I was horrible for laughing at my friend’s misfortune. Fortunately, I am married to a man with the same sense of humor, so we were able to laugh together. \*I also bought her a big bunch of fresh flowers, a big bottle of her favorite tipple and 10 pre-rolls. I’m not totally heartless. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-for-april-fools/939176.md?page=10)