# Mini-rants! Now in Open-letter format! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 1, 2006, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693 "2006-11-01T04:44:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693/61 "2006-11-04T01:24:35Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > Monday passed with no communication from you. Likewise Tuesday. Wednesday I made one final effort: I arranged to cross paths with you this afternoon. Overlooking the fact that you were on the phone, a “hi” was exchanged and no mention was made of your free lunch. Between my placement of the coupon and now, Friday afternoon, there has been no communication from you. Not a phone call, not an email, not an instant message, not even a bloody facebook poke. Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch. NOTHING. Without necessarily agreeing that your (discreet) hovering round this woman falls into the “stalking” category, **Rift** , the outcome seems to signal loud and clear that she’s, as they say, just not that into you. I think both of you handled this pretty well, actually; you made a thoughtful overture without being demanding or intrusive, and she brushed you off as humanely as possible by not responding. Better luck next time! (Thinking back twenty years ago when I dated some physics guys myself… Ah, those were good times!) ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693/62 "2006-11-04T01:27:32Z")
I know when she goes to one of her classes, MWF, and I know she has her teaching thing early in the mornings. That’s it. I met up with her that way 3 or 4 times, which I did because she didn’t even answer the emails she told me to send. That’s right - she told me to my face to send her an email regarding us going dancing. Then she didn’t answer it. Here’s some more information for you: she told me do to that right after we finished going out to dinner. The following weekend, we went to parties both Friday and Saturday nights. We also spoke on the phone and on instant messenger several times. I’ll admit, my letter isn’t the whole story, so it’s somewhat misleading. But I certainly was not just following her around. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693/63 "2006-11-04T01:30:02Z")
**Kimstu** , you’ve got a point, but I don’t think ignoring something like what I did is polite. A polite brushoff would have been sending me an email or something saying “No thank you,” not just leaving me in the lurch. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693/64 "2006-11-04T01:47:47Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > I met up with her that way 3 or 4 times, which I did because she didn’t even answer the emails she told me to send. That’s right - she told me to my face to send her an email regarding us going dancing. Then she didn’t answer it. Here’s some more information for you: she told me do to that right after we finished going out to dinner. The following weekend, we went to parties both Friday and Saturday nights. We also spoke on the phone and on instant messenger several times. Hmmm, she sounds kind of like one of those girls who are always friendly and encouraging to guys in person, even if they really don’t want to encourage them, because they “don’t want to be mean”. Of course, it’s actually a lot “meaner” and crueler to send mixed messages like that and raise false hopes than it is to just choke the guy off right away by being a bit cool and distant. But some women take a long time to learn that. Sounds as though you rank as, at best, a friendly acquaintance; she may hang out with you from time to time if you happen to be there, but she won’t lift a finger to seek you out or respond to your seeking her, if you’re not there. I think you’re right to decide not to waste any more time on her. (And a final bit of advice from Aunt **Kimstu** : if, now that you’ve made this decision, you happen to run into her (genuinely) accidentally and she’s all “Hi! Where have you been? Let’s get together! Let’s do dinner or something!”, don’t cave. Smile and say “Sounds great, call me!” If she really does have any interest in you, she should be willing to follow it up when you’re not actually right there taking up space on her retinas. If she continues not to follow up…well, she’s just not that into you.) > [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > Kimstu, you’ve got a point, but I don’t think ignoring something like what I did is polite. A polite brushoff would have been sending me an email or something saying “No thank you,” not just leaving me in the lurch. Maybe, but as I said, she sounds like one of those people who’s unable to do any rejecting except at a distance. (Failure to respond is in fact a Miss-Manners-approved way to signal not being interested, btw, although as I said it’s cruel and stupid to undermine it by being too encouraging in person.) ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693/65 "2006-11-04T01:52:01Z")
[QUOTE=Spatial Rift 47] I’ll admit, my letter isn’t the whole story, so it’s somewhat misleading. But I certainly was not just following her around. [/QUOTE] If you say so. Anyway, again, next time just ask the woman out. If you want answers, seek them. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/edb3f5/32.png) [@Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Push_Up_Bra)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2006, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693/66 "2006-11-04T02:13:50Z")
Dear Body Clock, Synchronise with the real time please. I know its hard because I’m working at night but I get home at 11. I promise to stop feeding you coffee after this week, I just need it to work! Love, Me [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mini-rants-now-in-open-letter-format/378693.md?page=3)