# Minor/adult relationships
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [June 24, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912 "2003-06-24T01:39:08Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Doux\_elle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doux_elle)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/1 "2003-06-24T01:39:08Z")
Okay, I am 16 years old and very mature for my age. I was talkin to my sister (she is 18) when her cell phone rang. It was somebody named \*\*\*\*\*\*\*, so I just picked it up not thinking anything. Him and I got to talking and he is 21. Um, the two of us have a lot in common ao we decided to meet for the first time. We hit it off immediatley and really like each-other. We are ‘secretly dating’ behind my sister’s and father’s back, because they would both freak out if they found out. That was a few days ago and we have spent every night up talking to eachother on the phone.
What is the law when it comes to minors and ‘‘adults’’ dating? Are there any loopholes?
🙂 😛 😉 😃 🆒 :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :dubious:
---
### Author:  [@drhess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drhess)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/2 "2003-06-24T01:42:14Z")
Depends on the country and, likely, local jurisdiction (in US states).
Also, don’t every 16 year olds think they are very mature for their age?
---
### Author:  [@Doux\_elle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doux_elle)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/3 "2003-06-24T01:46:33Z")
Um, it is in the United States, I live in FL.
I honestly am more mature than most 16 yr old girls when it comes to relationships.
oh, and is there something morally wrong with this? Things I should watch out for… you know, that kind of stuff.
---
### Author:  [@stoyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoyel)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/4 "2003-06-24T01:52:07Z")
Dating? I’m pretty sure there are no laws against dating, whatever ages are involved.
As for sex, it depends on the state. In many states, the age of consent is 16.
> **[Sexual consent](https://www.avert.org/sex-stis/consent)**
>
> What’s sexual consent? How do I get it? How do I give it? And how does it work ‘in the moment’?
If the age of consent in your area is 16 or below, you’re in the clear. However, I really don’t recommend pursuing this beyond casual dating until you’re a little older. Millions of years of evolution are screaming **HAVE SEX NOW** at you in big capital letters just like that, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a good idea.
What were Dan Savage’s rules on relationships with much younger people again? I think it’s something like: make no promises, tell no lies, break no hearts.
The thing is, it’s not a difference in emotional maturity that makes these relationships a bad idea. It’s a difference in emotional _experience_. I’d say that the fact that he’s 21 and has no qualms about dating a 16-year-old is a **big fat warning sign** all by itself.
So don’t get in a hurry, and be careful out there.
---
### Author:  [@Doux\_elle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doux_elle)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/5 "2003-06-24T01:56:59Z")
Its not that he is a frak or anything. Trust me, he has NEVER done this before. Umm… We never started talking with the intentions of being anything more than friends.
Hmm… so at the age of 16, I can do it if I want, and not have to worry about accidently getting him sent to prison? We are both so worried about the wrong person finding out and it jeprodizing his freedom He said he wouldnt mind getting into trouble for me, as long as he knew I would still be there when everything was donea nd over with, with the law. Hmmm
I dont know, it’s a lot to think about and I have a pretty good hea don my shoulders.
---
### Author:  [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/6 "2003-06-24T01:57:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by drhess \*
>
> Also, don’t every 16 year olds think they are very mature for their age? \*\*
Haha, no doubt. But I doubt the 21-year-old is all that mature either.
I say pursue it if you must, but be careful.
---
### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/7 "2003-06-24T02:06:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Doux elle \*
> Hmm… so at the age of 16, I can do it if I want, and not have to worry about accidently getting him sent to prison? We are both so worried about the wrong person finding out and it jeprodizing his freedom He said he wouldnt mind getting into trouble for me, as long as he knew I would still be there when everything was donea nd over with, with the law. Hmmm
That’s assuming that the page listed is accurate. Note that they gave two ages for FL, 16 and 18, which according to the bit at the bottom means that they found conflicting information. So, it might not be legal at all.
And I’m sorry, but I’d worry about a guy’s priorities - or truthfulness - if he thinks that a conviction for sexual assault (however it’d be phrased for sex with a minor) is worth having on his record.
---
### Author:  [@Doux\_elle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doux_elle)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/8 "2003-06-24T02:08:18Z")
If both him and I denied it and the only thing up against us is someone else’s word, no proof, then what?
---
### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/9 "2003-06-24T02:14:00Z")
Well, say that your parents caught you, for instance - or the cops. I don’t know if this is possible, but what if your parents got the idea that you were having sex, and dragged you to the ER after one of your dates, saying that you were sexually assaulted (being unable to legally consent to sex, after all) and wanting a DNA collection done?
I’m not saying these are necessarily **likely** to happen, but aren’t completely out of the question.
And put it this way, if you do really like this guy, why are you willing to even risk getting a sexual assault charge lined up against him?
---
### Author:  [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/10 "2003-06-24T02:14:09Z")
Then you’re still doing something illegal and risking him being branded a _sex offender_ for the rest of his life.
Th’ain’t nothing physical that’s worth that. If you really are mature for a 16 year old, and he’s in it for mature reasons as well, and the relationship is strong enough for you to continue despite having to hide it, then the two of you may still be dating in a couple of years when you know it’s legal. It would be best for everyone involved if you held off on anything iffy till then.
---
### Author:  [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/11 "2003-06-24T02:17:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Doux elle \*
> \*\*If both him and I denied it and the only thing up against us is someone else’s word, no proof, then what? \*\*
If you both got busted, I’m sure someone would press the issue and the courts would slap a “no contact” order on him faster than you can sneeze. When he violates that, then he’ll end up in the Big House.
Don’t need proof for a restraining order. Your folks can request it as you aren’t legally emancipated yet.
Tripler
Couple more years for that, I’m afraid.
---
### Author:  [@stoyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoyel)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/12 "2003-06-24T02:18:36Z")
From [www.ageofconsent.com/florida.htm](http://www.ageofconsent.com/florida.htm)
“…if a person is less than 24 years old, they may enter into sexual contact with a person who is at least 16 years old.”
So no, you’re not going to get him sent to jail.
And no-one accused him of being a freak; it’s just a warning sign that it apparently doesn’t bother him that he’s a third again your age. Many warning signs are false alarms, but there’s no excuse for being careless. Don’t take his word for everything, and try to get to know some of his friends and relatives. Listen to your intuition. If any of them make you profoundly uncomfortable or you start to feel unsafe, get the heck out of there. This is a good idea for _any_ relationship, at any stage of your life.
If you’re both too worried about your friends and relatives going ballistic, then it’s a good idea not to let this go beyond casual dating in very public places. Yes, dating in ‘secret’ is an exciting thing, but you _do_ want your family, or at least a few close friends, to know where you are and who you’re with. Again, a good idea in any relationship. If you go missing, they need to know where to start looking – and don’t take this as an accusation against the guy, either. It’s just not a good idea to be alone with _anyone_ you don’t know very well (I’m not talking about liking the same bands, here) when no-one knows where you are.
---
### Author:  [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/13 "2003-06-24T02:49:27Z")
It could turn out that three months later, you’re a gal in trouble, and you haven’t seen him for a while.
Are you good at dancing? Could Grandpa preach a little gospel, or sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good?
---
### Author:  [@Doux\_elle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doux_elle)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/14 "2003-06-24T03:03:35Z")
Hmm… Well, itis 11 o’clock at night at my father is sleeeeeeping so guess where I am going?
---
### Author:  [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/15 "2003-06-24T03:05:43Z")
Oh my.
---
### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/16 "2003-06-24T03:10:27Z")
Sneaking out? Oh boy… you know, even if it’s legal for the two of you to have sex, I don’t think that would prevent your parents - if they were sufficiently angry about this situation upon discovering it - from taking out a restraining order.
**stoyel** had some good advice - you should reconsider it.
---
### Author:  [@Doux\_elle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doux_elle)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/17 "2003-06-24T03:10:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by aaslatten \*
> \*\*Oh my. \*\*
Thats the best you can give me? Do you actually think I’ll go? C’mon, gimme more credit than that.:rolleyes:
---
### Author:  [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/18 "2003-06-24T03:11:16Z")
I just got so excited I couldn’t come up with more words.
---
### Author:  [@Beer\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beer_Penguin)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/19 "2003-06-24T03:28:46Z")
Y’know, in my experience, the girls who are the least mature in relationships are the one’s who think they are the most mature. Furthermore, as a 20 year old male, I can vouch for the fact that any 21 year old who would date a minor isn’t the kind of guy you wanna be dating, and doesn’t have the best intentions.
---
### Author:  [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912/20 "2003-06-24T03:35:54Z")
I’m in a similar situation, (16, dating a guy who’s 21).
1. Most states, yes, you can have sex if you want. My advice is not to, but legally, you can.
2. The maturity issue is big. He may be taking advantage of you, he may not. Be careful and use common sense, you should be pretty safe.
3. Yes, your parents could get a restraining order against him. Don’t take it to that point. Talk to them about it, don’t whine, act mature (but not too mature). Again, be responsible.
4. Just a note: if you should happen to get pregnant, he’s under no obligation whatsoever to offer any sort of support. May be something you want to keep in mind.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-adult-relationships/183912.md?page=2)