# Minor Holiday Rants that Don't Merit Their Own Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 17, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405 "2004-12-17T19:58:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/101 "2004-12-20T23:49:46Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > :dubious: Miracle Whip : mayonnaise | Velveeta : cheese > > Besides which, it makes perfectly frightful egg nog. Hey there, Velveeta has its uses. It is good for grilled cheese sandwiches. It is also good for macaroni and cheese. Egg nog should be abolished for the love of the future generations. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/102 "2004-12-20T23:51:26Z")
> [@luluBahrain](#): > > Oh, no you didn’t!!! Miracle Whip is like angel kisses. Now go and pray for those blasphemous thoughts to be gone from your head. Clearly, you’ve eaten too much Miracle Whip and have gone insane from it. Come now, sit with me and have some Kahlua-and-bourbon laced Eggnog. It’s quite yummy. After a few cups, we won’t care about sandwich condiments any more. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/103 "2004-12-20T23:52:51Z")
> [@luluBahrain](#): > > Hey there, Velveeta has its uses. It is good for grilled cheese sandwiches. It is also good for macaroni and cheese. :eek: :eek: I give up. You’re beyond hope. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/104 "2004-12-21T00:25:14Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I would like to take this opportunity to pit eggnog. I really can’t let that kind of blasphemy go by unremarked. Eggnog and rum is _wonderful_! So is eggnog and brandy, eggnog and bourbon, eggnog and Irish whiskey (hmmmm…I’m detecting a theme here…). ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/105 "2004-12-21T02:13:20Z")
Do you have to drink the Eggnog with booze in order to stave off some kind of bocilism (sp?) I like Miracle Whip and Velveeta. Not together. In fact, I prefer Velveeta over real cheese. I like to think of it as freeing the cows from enslavement, et al. ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/106 "2004-12-21T02:19:01Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Do you have to drink the Eggnog with booze in order to stave off some kind of bocilism (sp?) > > I like Miracle Whip and Velveeta. Not together. In fact, I prefer Velveeta over real cheese. I like to think of it as freeing the cows from enslavement, et al. Finally, a voice of reason. Except that I enjoy real cheese in almost everything that I did not mention a few posts back. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/107 "2004-12-21T09:09:17Z")
A plea for sanity: c’mon, everyone knows tofu is the REAL sperm of Satan. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/108 "2004-12-21T12:21:17Z")
Tofu is the sperm of Satan. I think we can all agree on this. **Satan’s Sperm Tofu**. Kinda has a melodic ring to it. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/109 "2004-12-21T12:30:55Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > **Satan’s Sperm Tofu** First time I’ve done this: BAND NAME! ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/110 "2004-12-21T13:03:35Z")
> [@racinchikki](#): > > I was born on January 5. I think I got once birthday party my entire childhood. You’d think it would be a good time because people could, like, get a birthday present at an after-Christmas sale, but what happens is everybody’s so relieved that the holidays are over that they completely ignore me. My birthday is on January 6 so I know how you feel. Fortunately, my parents were pretty good about getting me gifts. They only screwed up once when they waited until after Christmas. When they went to go buy some toys, they discovered that most of the stores were closed for inventory and re-stocking. Now my dad was born on Christmas day, and even though we always bought him a birthday gift wrapped in birthday paper, he still got screwed. Back to the OP… Fuck you, [Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com) for your screwed up inventory system. Not only are the items I ordered not in stock like you claimed, but they sure as hell didn’t ship within 24 hours either. Thanks for not updating the status to “available after Dec. 24th” for 2 weeks so the stuff I wanted was, by then, sold out in every local store. How could you bastards be out of World of Warcraft 4 weeks before Christmas?? I want to shove my [Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com) credit card up your left nostril and twist it hard. Thumbs up to [EBGames.com](http://EBGames.com) for having World of Warcraft in stock and getting it to me the next day even though I used standard shipping. ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/111 "2004-12-21T13:09:49Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I like Miracle Whip and Velveeta. Not together. In fact, I prefer Velveeta over real cheese. I like to think of it as freeing the cows from enslavement, et al. Come on. Everyone knows that Velveeta is just nasty. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/112 "2004-12-21T13:44:35Z")
People who give us Xmas/B-day babies “one gift for both of them” and then wrap it in fucking Christmas paper. I had to beg for some B-day wrapping on my B-day presents. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/113 "2004-12-21T14:30:36Z")
> [@continuity eror](#): > > Well, I won’t know for sure, that’s why I have to worry about it. And it’s not about gratitude, it’s about respecting my politics, which they don’t at all. Actually, I asked them not to buy me anything at all this year because there’s nothing I really need or want, but they wouldn’t do that. Said I’d just spend any money they gave me on food. Well, duh, I do need food. But I guess basic sustinence isn’t as important as useless CDs and DVDs I’ll listen to a handful of times then forget about. > > If your kid has some pretty strong political beliefs, wouldn’t the best gift of all be to respect those beliefs, and buy gifts accordingly, if you’re going to buy them at all? But I guess I should just sit down and shut up and like my slave-made Walmart goods, like a good girl should. After all everything stops for Xmas, even politics. I bet your parents don’t think you’re 100 % serious about this. If you were my child, I wouldn’t. If the gifts come from Wal-Mart just return them. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/114 "2004-12-21T16:56:19Z")
I pit “The Christmas Song.” You know, the one that goes “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” There’s nothing wrong with the song itself, but why, with all the thousands and thousands of Christmas songs out there, does it have the nerve to call itself “_ **The** _ Christmas Song”? How presumptuous is that? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/115 "2004-12-21T17:06:54Z")
I hate the Christmas gift tags that give you about 1/4 inch in the “to” and “from” spaces to write the appropriate names. Give me some space I can work with! And to those of you in charge of the Christmas turkey: Learn to make gravy or don’t cook the bird. My sister-in-law’s gravy is, to paraphrase Lincoln, as thin as soup made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had starved to death. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/116 "2004-12-21T17:13:41Z")
What in fuck’s name did I do with the three Christmas cards I bought last month? Did I accidentally throw them away? They’re not among the papers on my table. Grrr…I just know I’ll find them on December 26. ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/117 "2004-12-21T17:19:50Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > People who give us Xmas/B-day babies “one gift for both of them” and then wrap it in fucking Christmas paper. I had to beg for some B-day wrapping on my B-day presents. My mom’s birthday is in December, and my Dad beat it into me to never wrap her gift in Christmas paper. Mom always made a point to give separate gifts in birthday paper to December babies. Apparently a young cousin (born Dec. 21) once announced at a family party that her aunt (my mom) was the only person who ever remembered her birthday. We were going to a birthday party last week, and I was adamant that the gift not be wrapped in Christmas paper. Not the snowflake stuff, either. Nor the green. Normal paper. My other friends laughed at me. Now I feel justified. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/118 "2004-12-21T17:25:13Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > And to those of you in charge of the Christmas turkey: Learn to make gravy or don’t cook the bird. My sister-in-law’s gravy is, to paraphrase Lincoln, as thin as soup made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had starved to death. Damn right! Anybody who has **any sense whatsoever** knows that this whole holiday season is really all about **the gravy**. That’s why the whole season starts with Thanksgiving which we all know is really National Gravy Day. Thank you, **BobLibDem** for daring to speak up. Won’t somebody think of the gravy! Oh, and Miracle Whip is the sperm of Satan. Velveeta is the sperm of his twin brother, but it’s good when you melt it with canned chili in the microwave and eat it with big corn chips. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/119 "2004-12-21T17:50:53Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > People who give us Xmas/B-day babies “one gift for both of them” and then wrap it in fucking Christmas paper. I had to beg for some B-day wrapping on my B-day presents. My sister’s birthday is the day after Christmas and I always make a special point of wrapping her birthday present (yes, I get her a separate BIRTHDAY gift) in Birthday paper. Just so’s you know. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405/120 "2004-12-21T18:08:31Z")
May I be the first to pit the time honored tradition of Christmas Cards? Sending out cards to people you never see, never writing a little ‘blurb’ about the family and how they are, just a sterlized wish for a Happy Holiday. Could we show we care a little bit less? How automated the card sendee become every December. On the flip side, the people that we see all the time; the people we truly care about, we have to send cards to and sign it with Warm Wishes and other nauseating phrases that we would never say to their faces. And we include pictures of our kids so as to make them feel obligated to sally back a round of generic cards with picture du-jour. It is all like some sick sadistic game started by Hallmark. Bastids. While I like getting cards with notes & pictures and updates, it still gets my goat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-holiday-rants-that-dont-merit-their-own-thread/280405.md?page=7)