# Minor Pitting of Mother-In-Law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 22, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082 "2011-12-22T15:28:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/61 "2011-12-23T15:50:02Z")
> [@j666](#): > > With all respect for others’ cultures and traditions, take out on Christmas is just … sad. Part of the holidays is dancing around the kitchen to the aroma of cinnamon and sugar cookies, looking for the second colander, raising eyebrows at the ground cloves, sipping just a little bit too much wine, while one woman gets annoyed, another gets panicked, and a third stations herself by the sink washing out the colander and other kitchen equipment, … > > and all three suddenly realize everything with a Y-chromosome is sitting in the living room, farting on the couch and bitching because they can’t get to the refrigerator to get another beer. > > Screw it, order out. I’m glad your post ended the way it did. I’ve just gotten ready for the holidays while handling a teething baby, a head cold, and an even head-coldier husband. If my house isn’t picked up when my parents get here they’re just gonna have to fucking deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/62 "2011-12-23T17:23:00Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > It’s not “charging guests for food” to make them pay for their own groceries. Shit! Huh? Of course it is. Part of being a host is providing your guests with food and drink. So everytime you have overnight guests, you make them pony up for their share of the groceries? Odd. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/63 "2011-12-23T17:26:25Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Huh? Of course it is. Part of being a host is providing your guests with food and drink. So everytime you have overnight guests, you make them pony up for their share of the groceries? Odd. What you seem to be (intentionally) missing is that the OP already had plans to feed MIL, but she wanted a homecooked meal. So she started making a list of stuff she’d like, expecting that the OP would pay for it and cook it. That’s rude. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/64 "2011-12-23T17:29:56Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > What you seem to be (intentionally) missing is that the OP already had plans to feed MIL, but she wanted a homecooked meal. So she started making a list of stuff she’d like, expecting that the OP would pay for it and cook it. That’s rude. I was not referring to the situation at all. Only to the claims that it is okay to charge people for their own groceries. It is not. IF he agrees to MIL cooking, he needs to buy the groceries. If he doesn’t, his plan is fine too. But it isn’t okay to agree to her cooking and make her pay for the meal. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/65 "2011-12-23T17:40:39Z")
Here’s what boggles me… Her offering to make dinner is fine. And if you accepted she should’ve made her own shopping list and shown up with the groceries she needed. Her handing you the list and expecting you to do the shopping after offering dinner was outrageous. What’s next, is she going to e-mail her your recipes so you can do the cooking for her dinner? I frequently vacation with a group that consists of folks in various financial circumstances. My friend C and I are both reasonably well off, my friend K is a public school teacher with lots of financial obligtions. Both C and I make a point to SHOW UP with most of the basic groceries and stuff like TP and detergent we know we will need for the week because we know K will insist on contributing equallly and we know it puts a strain on her budget while it is an insignificant expense for us. Then we can shop together for the snack food and fun stuff and split THAT bill. So stick to your guns, she’s passive aggressive ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/66 "2011-12-23T17:55:19Z")
> [@j666](#): > > With all respect for others’ cultures and traditions, take out on Christmas is just … sad. Part of the holidays is dancing around the kitchen to the aroma of cinnamon and sugar cookies, looking for the second colander, \ You have **two** colanders? OOOoooh, aren’t WE fancy… ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/67 "2011-12-23T18:00:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You have **two** colanders? OOOoooh, aren’t WE fancy… Omg, not this again! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/68 "2011-12-23T18:02:34Z")
I figured we haven’t done colanders for a while. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/69 "2011-12-23T18:10:09Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Huh? Of course it is. Part of being a host is providing your guests with food and drink. So everytime you have overnight guests, you make them pony up for their share of the groceries? Odd. Oh good lord. Are you serious, or brain damaged? I am talking about _a specific situation outlined in this thread_. I realize you can take that statement out and make it sound like I present a bill to my party guests at the end, but most sane people can read for fucking context. Not even to mention the fact that, where I come from, it is deeply rude to expect your hosts to wait on you hand and foot. If you come to a party, you bring a bottle of wine. If you stay for a week, you take your hosts out to dinner. If you get there and need special fucking groceries, you goddamn well go buy them yourself; you don’t make a fucking list and expect your host to run out and do it. That’s why they’re called “hosts” not “servants”. But I will certainly remember not to invite you to stay in my home. I’m sure you’d find the accommodations lacking. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/70 "2011-12-23T18:23:52Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Huh? Of course it is. Part of being a host is providing your guests with food and drink. You don’t, however, take orders and pay for groceries based on their demand for something different than what you had planned to offer them. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/71 "2011-12-23T19:31:35Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You have **two** colanders? OOOoooh, aren’t WE fancy… I only have one. And it’s plastic. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/72 "2011-12-23T19:49:04Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Oh good lord. Are you serious, or brain damaged? I am talking about _a specific situation outlined in this thread_. I realize you can take that statement out and make it sound like I present a bill to my party guests at the end, but most sane people can read for fucking context. > > Not even to mention the fact that, where I come from, it is deeply rude to expect your hosts to wait on you hand and foot. If you come to a party, you bring a bottle of wine. If you stay for a week, you take your hosts out to dinner. If you get there and need special fucking groceries, you goddamn well go buy them yourself; you don’t make a fucking list and expect your host to run out and do it. That’s why they’re called “hosts” not “servants”. > > But I will certainly remember not to invite you to stay in my home. I’m sure you’d find the accommodations lacking. None of the above is what you said. You should learn to make yourself clear. If it is agreed that his MIL is to make dinner, than HE buys the groceries. If he says no, then it is not an issue. He can’t agree to it and then offer to chip in 20 bucks for the meal. He is the host. He hosts the meal. Whether he chooses to accommodate his MIL’s wishes or not. Do often feel attacked and call strangers names on the internet? You may want to get some help for that. It really isn’t healthy. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/73 "2011-12-23T19:55:38Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I was not referring to the situation at all. Only to the claims that it is okay to charge people for their own groceries. It is not. > > IF he agrees to MIL cooking, he needs to buy the groceries. If he doesn’t, his plan is fine too. But it isn’t okay to agree to her cooking and make her pay for the meal. That’s just it - he doesn’t agree to her cooking. He (and his pregnant wife) already had plans for a meal that suited them and fit their budget. Now MIL wants to come in and create a lot of mess and expense they don’t want. If I had a guest who unilaterally wanted to change my planned menu, they can damned sure pay for it. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/74 "2011-12-23T21:14:11Z")
Here is the resolution of the matter: We will have our traditional Christmas Eve chili pie. We will have our traditional Christmas Morning cinnamon rolls. We will have our traditional Christmas sausage balls, which together with other snacky foods will be our Christmas lunch. For Christmas dinner, MIL will make her famous (in her immediate family) Broccoli Cheese casserole, which her daughter loves. This shall be a side dish accompanying our turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, stuffing, rolls and cranberry sauce from that fine eating establishment that has been discussed previously. THE PEACE IS KEPT FOR THIS YEAR. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/75 "2011-12-23T21:19:28Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I only have one. And it’s plastic. ☹ We have 2, one plastic and one metal. I think that may make us the 1%. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/76 "2011-12-23T21:21:36Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > We have 2, one plastic and one metal. I think that may make us the 1%. We have a colander made of baked clay. That’s some kind of percent, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/77 "2011-12-23T21:23:16Z")
Hooray! Good job, all around. Besides, Famous Broccoli Cheese Casserole is a good thing to have. SO had to make some for T-day this year (well, it wasn’t famous or anything), despite the 9 quintillion tons of food already made because, well, just because. I’m not even going to say how many colanders (not to mention strainers and sieves) we have. But now I want a _chinoise_ and can’t find one locally. Wah. ETA: baked clay? I’m intrigued. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/78 "2011-12-23T21:25:49Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > We have 2, one plastic and one metal. I think that may make us the 1%. 1 metal, 1 plastic and 1 silicon that you can use IN BOILING WATER. Don’t even ask my tax bracket. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/79 "2011-12-23T21:37:39Z")
Who needs a colander? I’m usually wearing underwear. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082/80 "2011-12-23T21:39:58Z")
> [@redtail23](#): > > ETA: baked clay? I’m intrigued.[/size] It’s pottery. I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it using hte word “pottery” so I just said what pottery is made of… 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minor-pitting-of-mother-in-law/607082.md?page=5)