# Minute rants. Add your own. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 8, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774 "2003-02-08T22:38:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/61 "2003-02-10T23:45:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chef Troy \* > \*\ ***Highway rubberneckers.** > \ > GOD I hate you syphilitic, hollow-chested monkey humpers. If you want to see blood and guts, go rent _Faces of Death._ Go study to be an EMT. \ \*\* Hear, hear. I worked for a couple of years as a medical lab tech, and I got to be front and centre to see people bleed to death in the emergency room (some of them children, of course), **plus** I got to see all kinds of body parts that got sent to the lab from surgery. There is nothing at an accident scene that I _want_ to see. I think most EMTs/police officers will tell you the same. It’s not exciting, it’s not drama - it’s someone in agony, bleeding to death on a highway. Maybe a couple of medical training courses would cure these rubberneckers of their desire to see blood and guts. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/62 "2003-02-10T23:55:05Z")
Fuck you, **[insert Doper name of choice here]**, and the cephalopod you rode in on. \ five seconds left to rant…ummm… And your little dog Toto too! Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![zenith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/63 "2003-02-10T23:57:04Z")
1. Make your phone call. Hang up. THEN, put the car in gear and back out of the parking stall. 2. Don’t listen to blowhard Bill O’Reilly’s pontifications about other people’s morals. This asshat got his start exploiting the misery of crime/disaster/accident victims and their families on that awful “Hard Copy” show. Who is he to question others’ morals? My local daily rag just published one of his awful editorials in which he stated that " I’ve worked my rear end off all my life." How does one work one’s rear end off by sitting on it at an anchor desk? Boycott this moron and force him to find find some honest way to make his living. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/64 "2003-02-11T00:51:54Z")
Why can’t you get Cream Soda at most restaurants??? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/65 "2003-02-11T01:50:02Z")
Why is it (whiny Andy Rooney voice) that when you get a hamburger at restaurants the lettuce on the burger is sliced into teeny little pieces that fall out of the burger and all over your lap when you try to take a bite… BUT, when you order a salad, the lettuce pieces are big enough to choke a horse!!! ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/66 "2003-02-11T02:23:34Z")
To Phish: Why, oh why, must you make _every single show_ from your upcoming tour available for high-quality SHN download from your web site for a reasonable price? And, indeed, why must you make the entire (probably) 36 CDs of this package available for purchase in advance at an even more reasonable price? Don’t you know that there are completist nerds out here who are powerless to resist? Who will watch their e-mail diligently, ready to cry havoc if the show is not made available promptly within the promised two days? How can you expect us to give up the chance to download and scrutinize these shows? How can we not overanalyze every flub in every Guyute, every crescendo in Harry Hood, every guitar lick in Reba? Can you expect us to not loudly proclaim that these (Year X) shows are OK, but they just don’t have the heart of those (Year X-4) shows? Could we ever miss our chance to register our opinion that the appearance of the band on the cover of Rolling Stone is a clear sign of the end, wherein Phish has finally sold out its experimental, ever-changing ways to satisfy the needs of the ignorant masses? Won’t someone _please_ think of the nerds? Why, I’ve half a mind to do something drastic, like…_delay my purchase and download_ of this music for as much as a few weeks! How would you like that? Wouldn’t you… …oh, who the hell am I kidding. Where’s my credit card? Dr. J ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/67 "2003-02-11T03:41:42Z")
**you with the face** Nicely done. I agree completely. All of my non-productivity can be blamed on four little letters: SDMB. Wankers, splinters and pie eating felchers. \*In other rants \* Why can’t you get Diet Caffeine Free Cherry Coke? Is this too much to ask? Also, if there is never going to be a DCFCC ever available, would it be too much to ask to have all places that sell food to have Ginger Ale available for those of us who don’t need the caffeine late in the day? And lastly, To the two guys that were on the treadmills on either side of mine tonight at the gym: Humbly, I implore both of you ( one young handsome thing. One bloated-but-still-trying-guy) please, please, please, utilize deoderant for the next work out. I completed possibly the only twenty five minutes on a treadmill with about one breath per minute ratio the entire time. Talk about a stress test. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/68 "2003-02-11T03:42:28Z")
Stupid Fox sucky Joe-Schmoe Millionaire toe-tying soul-draining titill-teasy-ating fluff of voyeuristic mercenary bliss that coulda revealed all ("You BASTARD!!) but waits until I’ll be out of the country to do so. **%@#&!!!** Voi vittu. ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/69 "2003-02-11T05:02:16Z")
Okay, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen _The Today Show,_ so I’m probably behind the times here… but I just saw a clip from it on _The Daily Show,_ and now I’ve got to ask: MATT LAUER, WTF DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!? Who on Earth told you to do that? Some people do look better getting the buzz cut once their hair starts going (Bruce Willis comes to mind), but honey, it ain’t you. Ever hear of the Hair Club for Men? ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/70 "2003-02-11T05:36:40Z")
Why the fuck must cough medicine taste like ball-sweat filtered through fiberglass insulation? Is there some medicinal quality only achieved by forcing me to almost revisit my last meal rather unpleasantly upon taking this vile concoction? I hate having bronchitis. I would rant about the dumb-as-a-post goatfelching fuckwaffles in charge of scheduling at ABC, but that may warrant an entire rant later. ---
**Author:** ![Khan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3ab097/32.png) [@Khan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/71 "2003-02-11T08:38:35Z")
Utensils go in the chute, napkins and other paper waste goes into the garbage can, yes. It’s a complicated procedure to remember, but it’s not quite like moving control rods in a fission reactor as your speed would seem to suggest. No need to get nervous, just remember: “Fear is the mindkiller.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_nardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@don\_nardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_nardo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/72 "2003-02-11T18:24:15Z")
You fucking rich bastard. I’ve got a lot of sympathy for anybody with two disabled kids. Lots, really. I hope that the half-million dollar home that you bought brings you some pleasure. Really, I do. I can only imagine the burden that you carry. Wait. You don’t really carry all that much, do you? Both of your kids attend school until 4pm or so, then the nurses and attendants come to your house until 8 or 9 PM. They provide total care for your kids until bedtime. I should know. You and your spouse are “only” responsible for dressing the kids in the morning and putting them on the bus/taxi. You’ve got plenty of resources. A cleaning lady, care for your kids, personal shoppers, etc. So why does your daughter come home from school wearing the same socks that I put on her at 4PM the afternoon before? Why is your thermostat ALWAYS set at 63 degrees? Why do you walk past boxes of newly-delivered medical supplies and diapers stacked outside your door from the time they’re delivered until I get there, sometimes for an entire weekend? Why do you throw soiled diapers on the floor, inches away from the trashcan? Why are used, mucus-laden suction catheters strewn around the room, again only INCHES from the trashcan? Why are the syringes and tube used for your daughter’s morning meal ALWAYS left on the floor beside her bed? Every day I’m there, the same damn thing! Why is it that the weekend nurses find your daughter still in bed at 1pm every Saturday? Why is it that she’s NEVER been fed before the weekend nurses arrive? What made you think it was okay to leave your (admittedly high-function) autistic son in the bathtub (and in my custody) while you “run a few errands”? Am I his caregiver? NO! Even if “Mom’ll be home in about 20 minutes or so”! Why do you only make the minimum fucking effort to TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN KIDS? I’ll answer my own questions. Because you feel that you are entitled to do so. It is beneath you to bring in parcels if they’re med-related. That’s the nurses’ job. You don’t have to make sure that the HUMAN WASTE is disposed of in a sanitary fashion. That’s the nurses’ job. You don’t have to wash out the supplies that you used, even if that means that food has been left in the syringe ALL DAY LONG. That’s the nurses’ job. If it isn’t a school day, you don’t have to do any morning meds, diaper changes, or hell, get the poor kid out of bed, because, hey, it’s Saturday! Besides, that’s the nurses’ job. I know families who are on public assistance. Somehow, those moms and dads still manage to give their disabled kids some attention, loads of affection, and they understand that having kids means that you’ll occasionally get human poo-poo on your hands. They understand that ultimately, their kids are THEIR responsibility. They seem genuinely grateful for the help they get. You, my friend, act as though everything remotely child-related is SOMEONE ELSE’S JOB. That’s fucked up, mate. I may be petty for feeling the way I do. Your kids are disabled. That is tragic. I thank God Almighty that my kids aren’t. But you were dealt a different hand, man. Sorry. I’ll keep doing the best I can while I’m there. I get paid to. I am not YOUR employee. YOU don’t pay me, the agency does. But they’re YOUR KIDS. You rich bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/73 "2003-02-11T18:52:22Z")
Whooo Nardo, that wasn’t a mini rant, it was a full blown take no hostages venting! Damned good one too. Worthy of it’s own thread. The judges score it at: A 9.5! The Judge from Brooklyn would have liked to see \*asshat \*, \*fucktard. \* and \*goat fucking granny felcher \* used in some context. Considering that was only your \*\*8th post \*\* I can tell you ladies and gentlemen, this is one doper to keep our eyes on! ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/74 "2003-02-11T19:16:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*Brrrrrrrrrrrrr, that sounds cold and painful!!! > > (giggle, sorry, I tried to stop myself. Would it help if you knew I was a bit blue, and that little statement cheered me up a bit???). \*\* The worst part is winter says it will call after, and it never does 😃 Update: They did **not** plow the damn roads this time either. The asshats know that it snows a lot, so why the fuck do they underbudget for snow removal every other year? It’s not like it’s a surprise that there are snow storms up here! ---
**Author:** ![don\_nardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@don\_nardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_nardo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/75 "2003-02-11T19:18:21Z")
Thanks, Shirley! I AM new to posting, or I’d insert an appropriate smiley here. I’ll work on the use of creative perjoratives. How about: “bran-brindled poo-stick” “moose-molester” “trout-rimming” “bathtub fart-bubble biter” “chicken-grabbing toe-fucker” –For my next rant, why my in-laws suck Himmler’s hemorrhoids. See ya. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/76 "2003-02-11T19:22:26Z")
HAH! ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/77 "2003-02-11T19:34:45Z")
Female Wheel of Fortune players- MUST you shriek like you’ve been buckled into the orgasmatron EVERY DAMN TIME you get a letter in the puzzle? I’m wearing the mute buttons out on my remote trying to save my eardrums from your coyote howls. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/78 "2003-02-11T19:56:19Z")
\*\*orgasmatron \*\* My new favorite word. MSU what is someone as intelligent as you doing watching WoF? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/79 "2003-02-11T19:57:23Z")
Speaking of Wheel of Fortune… Vanna White, please get a real job. Who do you think you’re fooling? ---
**Author:** ![mr.greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@mr.greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.greg)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774/80 "2003-02-11T20:00:45Z")
Goddamned idiots who are afraid they will get a speeding ticket, even when the flow of traffic exceeds the posted limit, and they keep it at 60mph in the fast lane. MOVE MOTHERFUCKER!!! And people who rat other people out [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/minute-rants-add-your-own/153774.md?page=5)