# Miscarriage Father's Responsibilities to Help Pay Bill (No Insurance) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2011, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079 "2011-06-28T00:20:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/61 "2011-06-30T15:50:43Z")
Meh, I have a bigger problem with people who are so petty and soulless that when they hear of someone else getting necessary medical care they start calculating exactly how many fractions of a cent it cost them. _Sings_ _They heard me singing and they told me to stop… quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock_ ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/62 "2011-06-30T16:12:58Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > See, I have a problem with that. She shirks her responsibility to _follow her dream_, and everyone else ends up paying for her healthcare. > > StG That’s how things work in a country with millions of uninsured people. Those with insurance and self-payers pay inflated prices so that the hospitals can cover the cost of treating the uninsured. The US as a whole would pay less for healthcare costs if we switched to a single-payer system. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/63 "2011-06-30T16:39:32Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > See, I have a problem with that. She shirks her responsibility to _follow her dream_, and everyone else ends up paying for her healthcare. > > StG Do you feel the same way about someone who “shirks his responsibilities” to start a small business? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/64 "2011-06-30T17:37:47Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Re: Retroactive MediCal. How long does the process take? Will she be stuck with paying for late fees/penalties if she incurs any because she doesn’t have the money now? > > Ya know, sometimes people bang folks they have no intention of breeding with. I have zero desire to form the babby of the guy I’m shagging now. Not everyone is some creepy Catholic who shags for reproduction purposes only. A lot of the time it is 100% recreational, and has zero to do with whether or not their partner would make a great parent. > > If we’re going to turn this into a nag-fest about lessons to be learned, I think the better lesson would be “birth control\* is your friend” and not “only have sex with people who are model citizens and would be A+ fathers.” The latter is ridiculous. > > Anywho, good luck **sultry**. > \*Though not 100% effective. A problem occurs when people bang with this attitude and then act surprised when their sex partners aren’t “model citizens and would be A+ fathers.” I am of the opinion that there is absolutely, nothing wrong with casual, consentual sex between adults. It’s their business. However, either partner or partners should not have the option of afterwards saying, “No, I change my mind, I meant this to be a relationship, you owe me something.” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/65 "2011-06-30T18:49:57Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > A problem occurs when people bang with this attitude and then act surprised when their sex partners aren’t “model citizens and would be A+ fathers.” I am of the opinion that there is absolutely, nothing wrong with casual, consentual sex between adults. It’s their business. However, either partner or partners should not have the option of afterwards saying, “No, I change my mind, I meant this to be a relationship, you owe me something.” Thanks for your opinion. That’s not what happened. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/66 "2011-06-30T18:57:16Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > A problem occurs when people bang with this attitude and then act surprised when their sex partners aren’t “model citizens and would be A+ fathers.” I am of the opinion that there is absolutely, nothing wrong with casual, consentual sex between adults. It’s their business. However, either partner or partners should not have the option of afterwards saying, “No, I change my mind, I meant this to be a relationship, you owe me something.” The point being that they both took the risk of an unwanted pregnancy and they both have the responsibility to deal with the outcome. The OP is looking for assistance with the medical bills caused by the miscarriage, not looking for a lifetime paycheck. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/67 "2011-06-30T20:21:22Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > The point being that they both took the risk of an unwanted pregnancy and they both have the responsibility to deal with the outcome. The OP is looking for assistance with the medical bills caused by the miscarriage, not looking for a lifetime paycheck. Actually we really don’t know what the OP told the man in regard to her fertility, her number of sexual partners or her plans should there be a conception. At the very least she should have told him if I get pregnant I won’t consider this a casual sexual relationship and will come looking for money. It’s unfortunate that medical care is expensive, but that’s life. Surely if they OP got into a wreck driving home from a bootie call she wouldn’t expect the person she had gone over to have sex with to pay her insurance deductible? Same situation. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/68 "2011-06-30T22:53:50Z")
The original problem was: she did not have sufficient health insurance or none to pay for her expenses. The “father” does not any responsibility to provide or pay for her healthcare expenses. Once the child is born, he may be responsible for the child’s healthcare expenses,which may be awarded retroactively to its birth. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/69 "2011-06-30T23:19:50Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > The point being that they both took the risk of an unwanted pregnancy and they both have the responsibility to deal with the outcome. Only if there’s a live birth does the guy have any responsibility (or rights). ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/70 "2011-06-30T23:28:35Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > It’s unfortunate that medical care is expensive, but that’s life. No, actually it’s _“that’s life in **America** ”_. Virtually every other first world country the OP wouldn’t have to worry a single bit about a bill for treatment for a miscarriage. The way things are here are actually an aberration and not a norm. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/71 "2011-06-30T23:30:48Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Only if there’s a live birth does the guy have any responsibility (or rights). I’d say that if a man doesn’t want to be a daddy (as seems to be the case here, given the man _ran away_ on announcement of pregnancy) he has some responsibility to prevent his sperm from fertilizing an egg. Birth control for men IS available, even if in not such variety as for women. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/72 "2011-06-30T23:32:09Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Do you feel the same way about someone who “shirks his responsibilities” to start a small business? Not if they pay for their health insurance while they’re working their small business. IMHO, her shirking wasn’t because she danced, but because she chose not to honor her financial commitments. When I was college-aged, I was offered a working student position at Lake Erie College, where they have a great equestrian program. The job offered a house to share with the other working students and a small stipend. I asked about opportunities to make extra money to live on, but the administrator of the program said there wouldn’t be enough free time for a part-time job, so the students generally went on food stamps. I couldn’t do that. Even for something I really wanted, I couldn’t voluntarily sponge off of someone else. It’s one thing to go on foodstamps (or expect a hospital or any other creditor to write off debt because you’ve had a run of bad luck. But to go through life expecting others to food the bill is unacceptable to me. StG ---
**Author:** ![sultry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@sultry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sultry)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/73 "2011-07-01T16:55:47Z")
\*\*Update \*\* My case worker from Medi-Cal has assured me since my initial paperwork was filled out before the miscarriage, they are able to cover my hospital bills. Very good news I am very happy about. FYI - My relationship with the Father was a relationship, not a one night stand. I believe I am a good judge of character, but when things come along in a persons life that knock them out from under their feet, sometimes it’s too much to take and they run. I understand that. I don’t judge him for it. This week we have had some communication and it is my hope we can make peace and move on. I thank everyone for all the helpful messages. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/74 "2011-07-01T18:02:48Z")
very good news indeed 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/75 "2011-07-01T18:22:06Z")
> [@sultry](#): > > \*\*Update \*\* > > My case worker from Medi-Cal has assured me since my initial paperwork was filled out before the miscarriage, they are able to cover my hospital bills. Very good news I am very happy about. Excellent. I’m still curious about how long it takes for your insurance to be active. Is it some time-consuming dondoggle, or should this be wrapped up soon? ---
**Author:** ![sultry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@sultry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sultry)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079/76 "2011-07-01T18:28:06Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Excellent. > > I’m still curious about how long it takes for your insurance to be active. Is it some time-consuming dondoggle, or should this be wrapped up soon? I was in the office yesterday, so as soon as I find out that answer I will post it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miscarriage-fathers-responsibilities-to-help-pay-bill-no-insurance/587079.md?page=3)