# Misogyny on board **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [April 13, 2013, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617 "2013-04-13T17:03:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/342 "2013-04-16T12:08:26Z")
Too obvious, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/343 "2013-04-16T12:11:21Z")
I’m going to try to respond piecemeal to some of the objections raised: **We’re calling for an echo chamber**. I find this idea remarkable. The most extreme call I’ve seen in this thread–and one that I’m not sure how I feel about–is not only to warn people who make off-the-cuff sexist and racist sneers, but also to get rid of people who sincerely espouse essentialist racist positions (e.g., racial IQ folks) and condescending paternalist attitudes (i.e., telling women how concerned they ought to feel about various dangers and indignities, rather than listening to how concerned various women actually are). So let’s pretend that this most extreme measure went into effect, even though it’s pretty clear that’s not going to happen. At that point, our board would still tolerate a range of opinions vastly wider than what’s accepted in, for example, the US Senate. We’d still be able to discuss all kinds of issues, including important questions of racial and sexual politics. There’d still be vigorous disagreement. The difference would be that the threads wouldn’t constantly be derailed by the worst kinds of posts. I’m reminded of the ancient Peruvian proverb, “Don’t let your mind be so open that your brain falls out.” There’s absolutely no moral, legal, or logistical imperative to tolerate every bigot, extremist, and conspiracy theorist that comes along, and refusing to be patient with those folks will only lead to higher-quality, more focused, more nuanced discussions. But if you think that refusing to entertain bigots, if you think that only allowing vigorous discussion amongst people that accept the basic tenets of reason and the Enlightenment, will lead to an Echo Chamber, then sure: brand it that, and that’s what I’ll call it. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/344 "2013-04-16T12:24:15Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I think you have a point here. These threads as of late have been rather depressing. Plus it’s too polorizing and I don’t feel they are going anywhere. I do firmly believe though that there is a middle ground to be had here. I just don’t think it’s going to happen. > > I personally don’t think one group of people are making this place worse but rather this subject is. Too many freyed feelings. > > I think I’ll enjoy this board more if I stay out of threads like these. > > I apologize to anyone who I have offended. Good luck guys. And Shakes, we can’t just avoid threads. We don’t know when someone is going to come into a thread and suddenly put in a sexist non-sequiter. You can be pretty sure its going to stay out of political threads (unless they involve female politicians) or religious threads. But I’ve seen “show us your boobeez” show up in some pretty non-sequiter situations. And we almost always get it in topics that are important to us - the big one being women’s health. The whole “speak up you are a bitch” “put up and you are a victim” mentality is pretty much the crux of what women face. Its playing out right here for anyone who wants to see a great example. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/345 "2013-04-16T12:32:02Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > You go to a board, and see that everyone’s typing in leet, celebrating Skrillex’s latest dubstep. > > And your reaction is? My reaction would probably be to think the leet speakers were all dumbass’ssss and wander off to some other part of the internet. I certainly wouldn’t let it affect me in any way. If you are “tired” by a message board I have sympathy, but at the same time perhaps a little perspective is needed. This isn’t some male dominated misogynistic hellhole grinding you down bit by bit, its just a message board, and a better one than most. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/346 "2013-04-16T12:33:36Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > IThe difference would be that the threads wouldn’t constantly be derailed by the worst kinds of posts. Or you, and others of similar delicate sensibilities, could learn to use the fucking Ignore function and the rest of us could interact on a level other than that of a feminist focus group. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/347 "2013-04-16T12:52:34Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Or you, and others of similar delicate sensibilities, could learn to use the fucking Ignore function and the rest of us could interact on a level other than that of a feminist focus group. Charming as usual. What, pray tell, is forcing you to interact in the style of a feminist focus group? (I think we can all agree that being made to act like…like…like _feminists_ – I could hardly bring myself to type the word – would be completely unacceptable.) Is it the requests for boob photos that you are so loathe to give up on? ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/348 "2013-04-16T12:53:36Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > No. I quoted my mother as saying “Don’t take shit from no one.” I’m down with that. But when I hear shit like: " I had to say yes and give him sex or he MIGHT have beat me up. I’m a victim, I was raped!" It makes my head want to explode. What the fuck is this? Do you have any idea how pig ignorant (to say the very least) this makes you sound? Consider that you have never and will never be in the position of the woman you ridicule, and then marvel at the realization that it’s not your place to tell people who experience things you never have and never will how to respond. And that’s just the tip of it. You’ve clearly learned nothing from your cat-calling thread, have you? ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/349 "2013-04-16T13:19:02Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I had to say yes and give him sex or he MIGHT have beat me up. I’m a victim, I was raped!" It makes my head want to explode. If that’s directed at me, you do realize I NEVER said I was a “victim” and I NEVER said I was “raped”. Not my words so don’t pretend like they were. I only said I was alone in the woods with a man who kept trying to take my clothes off when I was saying “no”. He was aggressive enough that he broke off one of my buttons. Being in that situation made me a little fearful. If you can’t understand that that’s your problem but I did not say I was raped. I said I changed my mind. How bafflingly pathetic is it that a woman can post a thread telling how she told some jerk that he could wait inside out of the rain but that’s it and he still kept trying to come on to her and it spawns 3 giant threads with people insulting her and making excuses for the idiots who do this sort of thing. I guess it’s only in fantasy land where **MOL** would post that thread, there would be a handful of replies saying “what a jerk!” and that would be the end of it. It really is pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/350 "2013-04-16T13:24:54Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Or you, and others of similar delicate sensibilities, could learn to use the fucking Ignore function and the rest of us could interact on a level other than that of a feminist focus group. > > Regards, > Shodan No thanks. You know perfectly well I’m not asking for the board to be a feminist focus group, but nor do I want it to be the Klan meeting it sometimes is (if we’re going to use obnoxious hyperbole, that is). To respond to this “Ignore” idea, along with the “wusses” idea: if I were at my job, and some co-workers were harassing women with lewd commentary, I’d complain to HR. If I were at a party and some partygoers were harassing women with the kinds of things that show up here, I’d ask the host to kick them out (or, if it were my party, I’d do the same). I expect a higher level of discourse than that. This is the opposite of wuss behavior; it’s demanding people behave like civilized adults. You may not be comfortable holding people to higher standards, for whatever reasons, and that’s your business. But your suggested solution is that people who dislike obnoxious behavior take on the burden of removing themselves from that part of the conversation. That places the burden on the wrong people. The burden should fall on the people behaving obnoxiously. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/351 "2013-04-16T13:45:31Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Charming as usual. What, pray tell, is forcing you to interact in the style of a feminist focus group? You are asking the wrong question. What, pray tell, is forcing you to read posts from people who you don’t want to hear from? [QUOTE=Left Hand of Dorkness] If I were at a party and some partygoers were harassing women with the kinds of things that show up here, I’d ask the host to kick them out… [/QUOTE] And the host tells you that no one is being harassed, it is just (occasionally tasteless) humor. So lighten up. No one is forcing anyone to do anything. If you don’t like the jokes, don’t read them. “Someone expressed an opinion I don’t like! Boo hoo! Ban him!” Gee, I never saw that before. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/352 "2013-04-16T13:46:54Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > No. I quoted my mother as saying “Don’t take shit from no one.” I’m down with that. But when I hear shit like: " I had to say yes and give him sex or he MIGHT have beat me up. I’m a victim, I was raped!" It makes my head want to explode. I’m beginning to question the wisdom of any woman who would allow herself to be subjected to shit like this. Including my own. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/353 "2013-04-16T13:52:03Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > You are asking the wrong question. Pretty sure I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/354 "2013-04-16T13:54:20Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > You are asking the wrong question. What, pray tell, is forcing you to read posts from people who you don’t want to hear from? The fact that there’s so many of them, and new ones are showing up all the time. Also, again, you’re putting the burden on the wrong people. > [@](#): > > And the host tells you that no one is being harassed, it is just (occasionally tasteless) humor. So lighten up. Again I appreciate your advice for all that it’s worth, but I’ll decline it. If the host at a party tells me that obnoxious behavior is acceptable at the party, I’m likely to leave. I’m responsible for myself, of course. But part of that is talking to the folks in charge in a situation and seeing if I can get them to get their house in order. > [@](#): > > “Someone expressed an opinion I don’t like! Boo hoo! Ban him!” > > Gee, I never saw that before. Nor did you see it here, of course, but you know that. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/355 "2013-04-16T14:07:19Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > If the host at a party tells me that obnoxious behavior is acceptable at the party, I’m likely to leave. I’m responsible for myself, of course. But part of that is talking to the folks in charge in a situation and seeing if I can get them to get their house in order. “Regretfully, I am thus compelled to take my leave, but before I go, I shall recite to you this detailed list of the factors that made your party unacceptable, along with my suggestions for improving the quality of your future gatherings. Ahem. Number _one_…” _\_ ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/356 "2013-04-16T14:11:13Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > “Regretfully, I am thus compelled to take my leave, but before I go, I shall recite to you this detailed list of the factors that made your party unacceptable, along with my suggestions for improving the quality of your future gatherings. Ahem. Number _one_…” > > _\_ Your thoughtful contribution is as appreciated as it always is. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/357 "2013-04-16T14:38:20Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > My reaction would probably be to think the leet speakers were all dumbass’ssss and wander off to some other part of the internet. I certainly wouldn’t let it affect me in any way. You decided the message board wasn’t the place for you. Yet you say you can’t fathom a message board post having that effect on a person! ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/358 "2013-04-16T15:07:37Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > You decided the message board wasn’t the place for you. Yet you say you can’t fathom a message board post having that effect on a person! Its perfectly clear from my posts that I was referring to a poster exclaiming > [@](#): > > I’m so tired which is a much more personal reaction than simply wandering away. Its so clear what I was referring to that I can only assume that you have an adblocker that is cutting words out of my posts. Please adjust your settings and we will not have this confusion. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/359 "2013-04-16T15:18:28Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > From your past posts here I infer that you are joking here, but I don’t really get the joke. Just saying-the-opposite sarcasm? On the surface, something as simple as that yes, but as you peel away the onion of linguistic references and subtle imagery, you find the juxtaposition and incongruity of ideas at each deeper level creating a fractal like landscape of almost pure humor (also you’ll find a recipe for beef stew). ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/360 "2013-04-16T15:21:02Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Pretty sure I’m not. You are. [QUOTE=Left Hand of Dorkness] The fact that there’s so many of them, and new ones are showing up all the time. [/quote] I don’t think there is an upper limit of the number of posters you can add to your Ignore list. > [@](#): > > Also, again, you’re putting the burden on the wrong people. I am putting the burden of avoiding opinions you don’t like exactly where it belongs. > [@](#): > > If the host at a party tells me that obnoxious behavior is acceptable at the party, I’m likely to leave. There’s the problem. You aren’t leaving, you are trying to tell everyone else at the party what they can and cannot talk about. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/361 "2013-04-16T15:29:18Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Its perfectly clear from my posts that I was referring to a poster exclaimingwhich is a much more personal reaction than simply wandering away. Its so clear what I was referring to that I can only assume that you have an adblocker that is cutting words out of my posts. Please adjust your settings and we will not have this confusion. I don’t think I saw the words “I’m so tired” in the post you were referring to, for whatever reason. It’s still a reasonable reaction, if you find something valuable here that you don’t find elsewhere, but are frustrated by the intermixing of this value with the kind of foolish comments she’s referring to. They are unpleasant to read, and reminiscent of some of the more depressing facts we’d like to forget about how people can be. It makes me sad too, because of my general wish that people wouldn’t be stupid, and wouldn’t be assholes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617.md?page=19)