# Misogyny on board **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [April 13, 2013, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617 "2013-04-13T17:03:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 28
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/542 "2013-04-17T05:08:32Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > – (Posted by “an elderly woman who’s gone off her rocker.”) But that’s another thread. Ah! THERE you are! 😃 I hope I’m not being misread. (And keep the rocker handy.) ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/543 "2013-04-17T05:26:25Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > People talk about a blacklist like it’s a bad thing, but I really like the idea. When I was a kid, it was GREAT fun to intimidate that creepy kid in class who bothered the girls, and chase him all the way back to his house. (Sounds like it should have happened more often, though.) So, you’re pro-intimidation and pro-blacklist-for-intimidating, is that right? > [@BlakeTyner](#): > > Lookit–we know why men can’t have sofas in our restrooms: the first day it’s there, some dude will piss on it. That’s why we can’t have nice things. Just out of curiosity, has anyone reported that post for being insulting? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/544 "2013-04-17T05:29:27Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > So, for the sake of further clarity, can we run through some hypotheticals so the rules are crystal clear in how they will be enforced? What if, for example, a man couldn’t ejaculate in front of women and wanted to ask about it and I came in and asked him for a pic of his limp dick. Would that be warned? Personally (and again, this is just what I’d do–another IMHO mod may handle it differently if they saw it), I’d just give a note for that (the first time), not a warning. But yes, it would receive mod attention. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/545 "2013-04-17T05:42:43Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > You just banned teasing. Any reasonable poster will now refrain from posting something he considers a completely friendly, teasing post, just to be careful about being accusing of trolling. > > What a puritan message board that would be. Oh woe is me, I can’t go into threads about women’s health and say “lol, show me your boobs!” Yes, such a hardship. > [@Czarcasm](#): > > On a message board dedicated to fighting ignorance, I wish you(and others) would stick around and continue to fight it when it pops up. > Just my opinion. The problem is, most people seem to fighting on the side of ignorance here. It’s disgusting. I’m not saying I’m leaving. But I can definitely see _why_ people are being driven to do so. > [@Shodan](#): > > Apparently in order to spare you the effort of figuring out how to use the Ignore function and the scroll wheel. > > Regards, > Shodan Why don’t you do it yourself, the next time you get tempted to whine about you poor, put upon conservatives? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/546 "2013-04-17T05:59:31Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Thanks for bringing that up, but as has already been pointed out, that was to answer whether or not guys have teabagged each other and whether that behavior–among fellow males–was seen as a gag or sexual harrassment. If the attitudes you exhibit in your post are any indication, why would you _expect_ any of your friends to voice any objection to your activities? No doubt they would have been mercilessly ridiculed and probably subjected to even more extremely hilarious pranks. Normalizing these types of activities is a great way to make people with valid complaints know that they will never be taken seriously. > [@](#): > > You also seemed to have cut out the last part where I say I believe it’s wrong. So? You also said it wasn’t sexual assault. Look, whether you personally ended up enjoying it or not, putting your nuts on someone’s face while they’re unconscious _is sexual assault_. This is not really a legal grey area or anything. There’s not actually a “we were in college” or “but I thought it was hilarious” exception to the law against violating another person’s rights to not have your junk on their mouth if they don’t want it there. I’m sorry. > [@](#): > > [moderating]Let’s keep this topic on track.[/moderating]. I think this discussion is actually quite relevant to the topic at hand, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/547 "2013-04-17T06:08:55Z")
> [@colander](#): > > I think this discussion is actually quite relevant to the topic at hand, actually. It’s not relevant to this thread at all. If you would like to question or discuss whether a mod statements about something they posted years before they became a mod, might wager into their decision making today, feel free to open up another thread about it in ATMB. If you would like to Pit me as a poster for that comment that I made back in 2007, feel free to do that as well. If you would like to open up a debate on whether or not teabagging among college males should or should not be seen as sexual assault, feel free to use GD for that. But end the hijack in this topic about it, right now. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/548 "2013-04-17T07:23:24Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > If you would like to open up a debate on whether or not teabagging among college males should or should not be seen as sexual assault, feel free to use GD for that. How about a poll? You like polls, right? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/549 "2013-04-17T10:25:46Z")
> [@Absolute](#): > > Imagine instead this was a group of 20 men and women meeting informally, socially in real life. One of the women starts talking, without obvious concern, about how her boobs are mysteriously getting bigger. Are you really going to demand that all the men hold their tongue for the duration of the conversation, and not make any half-assed jokes? Please. Certainly, you would expect that no one gets aggressive or unpleasant, but \*\* “I’d be happy to take a look at that for you, har har har!” is a pretty ordinary response in my book,\*\* and getting upset over that is completely irrational. Bolding mine. And this is why I said I didn’t think you were doing anything wrong, but that it reflected a particular culture that is a problem. In some groups of friends, what you describe would happen. In others, it absolutely would not. Truly. And that sort of culture–where it’s ok to tease women about how you’d like to fondle or ogle them–really makes a lot of women uncomfortable, and they stay away from it. I work with people I won’t socialize with because of this sort of thing. So we have competing ordinaries. Your ordinary is funny sometimes, yes, but it drives away a lot of people. That’s what this thread is about–pointing out that there is a culture of comments that seem funny and harmless and “ordinary” to a great number of posters, but that make quite a few other posters uncomfortable and limits what they can talk about. Since these kind of comments are merely asides that don’t contribute other than to be funny, why can’t we make a deliberate attempt to shift the board culture away from them? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/550 "2013-04-17T10:56:37Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > So we have competing ordinaries. Your ordinary is funny sometimes, yes, but it drives away a lot of people. That’s what this thread is about–pointing out that there is a culture of comments that seem funny and harmless and “ordinary” to a great number of posters, but that make quite a few other posters uncomfortable and limits what they can talk about. Since these kind of comments are merely asides that don’t contribute other than to be funny, why can’t we make a deliberate attempt to shift the board culture away from them? This is a good way to put it. And FWIW, I think it’s a good idea to separate such comments from the two categories I mentioned way back when. So we’ve got: 1. Sincerely-held sexist beliefs (“Women are incapable of performing math at the highest level.”) 2. Deliberate sexist insults (“When you women calm down, we can talk.”) 3. NEW! Buffoonish jokes not intended to offend but nonetheless offensive (“This thread is worthless without pics!”) Maybe it’s my male privilege talking ;), but I think folks deserve a note for this third category, not a warning. **Absolute** , you seem absolutely sincere when you say you didn’t realize it’d bother anybody. And that’s fine. But now you do realize that, right? And the next time such a post occurs to you, maybe your self-control won’t burn out quite so quickly, because you’ll remember that such posts make a lot of people uncomfortable? FWIW, the day a bunch of guys also say they’re feeling uncomfortable because of all the leering posts made by women at them on the board, I’ll happily join calls to give mod notes to those women as well. But I’d rather work from data, not first principles. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/551 "2013-04-17T12:18:46Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > So, you’re pro-intimidation and pro-blacklist-for-intimidating, is that right? I’m familiar with the variety of male who tries to pull crap like this around females and somehow expects other guys to take their side “just because”. Yes, those guys can use a little bit of rough treatment. Dunno about any other situations. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/552 "2013-04-17T12:28:55Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Oh woe is me, I can’t go into threads about women’s health and say “lol, show me your boobs!” Yes, such a hardship. I’m sure you think you made a stinging burn there, but I doubt very much you will be able to find any examples of me asking anybody to “show me your boobs”. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/553 "2013-04-17T13:09:52Z")
Well you are the one decrying the end of teasing as we know it, should comments like the ones we’ve mentioned get a note from mods. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/554 "2013-04-17T13:38:52Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > I’ll quite confidentally state there have been more reports than you recall. Ok. I never said otherwise. > [@](#): > > its not hard to see it as a classic example of victim blaming. You seem bound and determined to do so. > [@](#): > > For me it goes right back to the [Brightpenny is a loathsome bitch thread:](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=353800&highlight=brightpenny+loathsome): From seven years ago. But somehow a reminder that we need post reports and that we want people to discuss their views earlier on is not appropriate. > [@](#): > > If you had simply said, “hey, going forward, it would be helpful if you could report posts that you think were over the line” I wouldn’t have been too bothered with your post. I did say that. > [@](#): > > But your post had the implication that people were being too lazy to report. I said nothing about laziness either. With that, I’m done responding to your offerings in this thread. > [@colander](#): > > Wow, indeed. In my estimation, a moderator who does not think that teabagging constitutes sexual assault is rather unlikely to take appeals about tittypix-requests very seriously. I admit to feeling some consternation regarding this issue. > [@BlakeTyner](#): > > That quote is out of context. It is. **colander** , that’s wildly out of context to the point that I don’t know how you missed it. As a bonus it’s from from four years before **Idle Thoughts** became a mod. I’m also glad I didn’t go to whatever college **Idle Thoughts** went to. 😉 > [@maggenpye](#): > > I appreciate that you looked into it. I am saddened that you took the ‘joke’, even if a shitty joke, route rather than saying it will be acted on the next time (and I’m certain there will be one) it happens. I didn’t say it wouldn’t be acted on. I said it’s a joke as opposed to a violation of our rules against promoting illegal activity, which is how you’d described it earlier. There are some stupid people out there, but I don’t think anyone’s going to drug a date because of a one-word Straight Dope post. ---
**Author:** ![BlakeTyner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@BlakeTyner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlakeTyner)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/555 "2013-04-17T13:55:33Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > I’m sure you think you made a stinging burn there, but I doubt very much you will be able to find any examples of me asking anybody to “show me your boobs”. Me either. You know, it strikes me that we’ve sort of taken it for granted that “woman + talk of boobs + men = show me your tits.” But perhaps we were too hasty there, for there is the existence of the DO NOT WANT! meme, as well as the “Pretty Girl on the Internets Syndrome” or the “harpoons” meme. I just wonder what would be considered worse: the call for boobs, or, if given the boobs in question, the response of, “er…nevermind.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/556 "2013-04-17T13:57:09Z")
No, they’re right that it happens on at least a semi-regular basis. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/557 "2013-04-17T13:59:44Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I didn’t say it wouldn’t be acted on. I said it’s a joke as opposed to a violation of our rules against promoting illegal activity, which is how you’d described it earlier. There are some stupid people out there, but I don’t think anyone’s going to drug a date because of a one-word Straight Dope post. This is where one disconnect it, I think. To you, “roofies?” is self-evidently a joke, because you would never drug someone to have sex with them, and the people you know would never drug someone to have sex with them. But women are told all the time, with perfect seriousness, to never take a drink from anyone, to never leave their drink alone, and if someone is drugged and raped, she’s asked why she left her drink available. Women don’t get told “watch your drink when you are at date-rapey parties”, they are told to “Always watch your drink, because it could be anyone. It’s often guys that are, to all appearances, perfectly nice”. So what to you is obviously a joke and not a big deal, comes across as a potential dog-whistle to women. ---
**Author:** ![BlakeTyner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@BlakeTyner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlakeTyner)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/558 "2013-04-17T14:00:51Z")
Oh, I’m not denying that at all. I just think that there’s some subjectivity about which posters would be propositioned for such things, versus those who wouldn’t, for various reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/559 "2013-04-17T14:14:56Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > This is where one disconnect it, I think. To you, “roofies?” is self-evidently a joke, because you would never drug someone to have sex with them, and the people you know would never drug someone to have sex with them. But women are told all the time, with perfect seriousness, to never take a drink from anyone, to never leave their drink alone, and if someone is drugged and raped, she’s asked why she left her drink available. Women don’t get told “watch your drink when you are at date-rapey parties”, they are told to “Always watch your drink, because it could be anyone. It’s often guys that are, to all appearances, perfectly nice”. So what to you is obviously a joke and not a big deal, comes across as a potential dog-whistle to women. I’m well aware. I will say _again_ that I was asked about modding the post for advocating illegal activity, and I don’t think it does that. In that thread **etv78** asks for dating advice and someone on page two says “Roofies?” It’s a dick move, as I said earlier, but it’s also not a serious suggestion or piece of advice on breaking the law. That doesn’t mean the post is acceptable, but it doesn’t break that rule. > [@BlakeTyner](#): > > Oh, I’m not denying that at all. I just think that there’s some subjectivity about which posters would be propositioned for such things, versus those who wouldn’t, for various reasons. I’m not quite sure what you’re saying here. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/560 "2013-04-17T14:17:20Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I don’t think anyone’s going to drug a date because of a one-word Straight Dope post. This is kind of what “rape culture” is all about, though: jokes like this act to normalize rapey actions. Nobody will read a single post like this and say, “Roofies, awesome plan!” But if they read it here, and see a joke on TV, and a buddy makes a similar joke, they might start to think that roofies is kind of a normal thing to do, and if they’ve had a dry spell, they might start giving rape consideration as an option. Of course we as posters can speak up against these jokes, and of course we, especially guys, should. But if administration can also do so, I think that’d help to make it clear that such behavior is not normal and is not acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/561 "2013-04-17T14:19:23Z")
> [@colander](#): > > I’ve been reading SD since AOL times. I don’t doubt that that’s true. > [@](#): > > Would you like to see my CV? Sure, because nobody has ever lied on their resume before. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617.md?page=27) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617.md?page=29)