# Misogyny on board **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [April 13, 2013, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617 "2013-04-13T17:03:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 30
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/582 "2013-04-17T16:07:10Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > And when the stupid finds its way here, it’ll be moderated in accordance with the rules. Is this seriously an issue? If “show me your tits” is not being moderated now then it won’t be when new posters come here and see others making those comments and then think it’s ok to say them. Also should men be modded when they say these types of comments to other men? [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16203277&postcount=17](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16203277&postcount=17) ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/583 "2013-04-17T16:11:03Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > If “show me your tits” is not being moderated now then it won’t be when new posters come here and see others making those comments and then think it’s ok to say them. > > Also should men be modded when they say these types of comments to other men? > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16203277&postcount=17](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16203277&postcount=17) The point of this thread is that it will be moderated going forward. If your argument is essentially “but new people won’t know and they’ll break the rules!” then that’s a problem that has existed since the beginning of this board. And no, I don’t see that comment as sexist. We’ve already gone through the “slippery slope” or what innocuous comments are unlikely to be moderated. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/584 "2013-04-17T16:19:18Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > If “show me your tits” is not being moderated now then it won’t be when new posters come here and see others making those comments and then think it’s ok to say them. What? > [@](#): > > Also should men be modded when they say these types of comments to other men? There are always going to be some differences of opinion about jokes, but- no, give me a break. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/585 "2013-04-17T16:20:14Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Okay, so often I see that used in the sardonic/sarcastic/deeply ironical sense, I didn’t see it as any sort of sincere positive comment at all. > > But since you have clarified, okay. Yeah, it’s an interesting meme. It is true that it used to be meant [sarcastically](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfskbtLUR51qbs1cu.gif), but then the crazy kids on the internet had to go and be evolving language, and now it is , like Ivory said, a sign of [respect](http://d22zlbw5ff7yk5.cloudfront.net/images/cm-29537-05094236292626.gif). ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/586 "2013-04-17T16:28:11Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Okay, so often I see that used in the sardonic/sarcastic/deeply ironical sense, I didn’t see it as any sort of sincere positive comment at all. > > But since you have clarified, okay. It always reminds me of the old SNL sketch [“The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton”](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/90/90lclapping.phtml) which is full of sarcastic slow-clapping goodness. I do believe AU used it in more of the way it’s used after [Patrick Dempsey’s speech to the cool kids at the end of “Can’t Buy Me Love.”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NzifA0lwnpc&noredirect=1) ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/587 "2013-04-17T16:29:21Z")
thank you, mods. and everyone who didn’t give up on this Big Ass thread. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/588 "2013-04-17T16:35:49Z")
Add my thanks to the thoughtful mod posts in this thread. All right, everybody, let’s get out there, and LET’S START REPORTING! Regards, TorqueMcCarthy ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/589 "2013-04-17T16:38:36Z")
Ho boy. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/590 "2013-04-17T16:45:36Z")
As always, a slew of short-n’-sweet posts were made while I was pointlessly laboring over my own, so I’ll just say: “Hide your misogynists, hide your racists, cuz I’mma start reporting everybody in here!” And props to the mods, especially **Marley** and **Ellen**. Too long. Don’t read:[spoiler]I’ve been following this discussion, in this thread and the related ones, but haven’t said anything in any of them because, argh. It’s a frustrating and contentious issue, and there are already more than enough people talking, some of whom are saying exactly what I’m thinking, so I wouldn’t really be contributing anything new to the conversation, anyway. For the record: I do get very frustrated with the misogyny and sexism here from time to time, because it’s jerky and disruptive, _not_ because it’s an idea I’m opposed to. I don’t want an echo chamber, and that’s part of why I come here. I _love_ being able to converse with people who have different viewpoints. And I love that it’s funny and ferociously snarky. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But if the conversation can’t be conducted respectfully, then it’s not a conversation at all; it’s just a cacophony of echoes bouncing off one another. So while I do think misogyny should be moderated, I agree that it should just be moderated as whatever particular flavor of ugliness in which it manifests: jerkiness, threadshitting, trolling, etc. Until now, though, I generally haven’t reported stuff like this. I think it’s partly because it’s just _everywhere_ in the world, all the time, and I’ve become inured to it. Sometimes I don’t even notice it. And if I do notice and I don’t like it, I just stop visiting the board for a while. Also, as **Ellen Cherry** said, in trying to gauge whether it’s the opinion itself I object to (which should be allowed to stand), or the disrespectful way in which it’s presented (which should be moderated), I think that I tend to err on the side of caution too much. And of course, there’s the fear that I’ll become known as an annoying tattletale, especially if the mods tend to disagree with me about what’s genuinely over the line, and that my reports will end up being worse than useless. But I’m galvanized by the realization that I’m far from the only one who feels this way about the issue, and I’m heartened by the mods’ encouragement to report stuff like this. And even if their jerk-meter isn’t in sync with mine, maybe if enough people report something, it will cause them to recalibrate, as (hopefully) this discussion has done. How’s that for resolve? “I’m vaguely annoyed, and I’m (probably) not going to take it so easily or so often, at least not in the immediate future!”[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/591 "2013-04-17T17:11:20Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > That’s all we’d do; there’s nothing about this that requires a new rule. And by the same token **I’d have modded some of the more obnoxious comments in this thread if I’d been reading it earlier, but lately I haven’t been able to post as much on evenings and weekends.** This bit I bolded is actually something I’ve noticed lately and wanted to ask about. It’s not specifically about you, **Marley** , but you provided the convenient intro. 😉 I’ve noticed that quite a few mods/admins have stated things like this in the recent past. Even the most vocal critics should (SHOULD ;)) agree that y’all are people with actual lives outside of the board and it’s understandable that you can’t always respond to issues within 5 minutes. But like I said, I’ve noticed multiple mods saying this lately. In this thread alone, **Marley** , **twickster** and **Ellen** have explicitly stated they have been too busy to read threads (often even those that fall under their mod duties); **Dex** didn’t specify that he was busy, though he clearly stated that he hadn’t read the thread in question and doesn’t intend to. First: if multiple mods are too busy to, well, moderate, doesn’t that mean that perhaps more mods are needed? Please note I’m _not_ arguing that “any mod who says they’re too busy should just step down!”, but rather perhaps moderation is spread too thinly. Second: I will admit I straight up don’t understand the sentiment of, “I would have moderated/warned/noted some posters/posts if I had been reading the thread earlier.” [I look like this when I read this sentiment](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oMbObEO7Vag/TZIsK6PkFLI/AAAAAAAAEzA/95rOh03jk-0/s1600/dogsagain10alt.png). If a poster has written something deserving of moderation/warning/noting, why should it matter if you are a few days late in doing so? If it breaks the rules, it still breaks the rules the next day.\* - Disclaimer for those unable to understand nuance: yes of course there is a limit on how much time has passed between the post and consequent moderation. I think we can all agree that if a zombie thread was resurrected a year later, the ship has sailed. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/592 "2013-04-17T17:14:45Z")
If it’s a longer term concern, yes, we can bring on more mods. But there are always going to be periods when a couple of mods are busy at once. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/593 "2013-04-17T18:06:03Z")
Well, I rarely go on vacation but I did for spring break. I edit a magazine and it (spring break week for my children) coincided with my deadline. So I had to do a whole lot of work before I left, then I was gone a week, then I had a metric buttload of stuff to do when I returned. So, today was sort of the first day I was able to come up for air. This is fairly atypical of me. It’s too bad this came up when it did. I did, as I say, try to keep up as best I could and I have been thinking about the matter for several days as I get ready for work, or drive to and fro. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/594 "2013-04-17T18:12:49Z")
I made it through the thread! Whew! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/595 "2013-04-17T19:00:38Z")
Congratulations. Here’s your booby prize. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/596 "2013-04-17T21:14:33Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Congratulations. Here’s your booby prize. :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/597 "2013-04-18T03:50:14Z")
> [@](#): > > **Marley** : But there are always going to be periods when a couple of mods are busy at once. Surely! But there were three mods with messages of how they genuinely didn’t have time to deal with this very touchy thread for days. There is no criticism intended of them. Maybe you could have other mods to fill in for you, appoint substitute mods, or bring on more mods in general. Y’all might kick this around for possible solutions. Thanks! **Delucca** , I know where you can find some Vinyl to cover those sofas… ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/598 "2013-04-18T10:40:42Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16203277&postcount=17](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16203277&postcount=17) Would that comment even be sexist if it were said about a woman? I could see it being so in medical threads, of course, but I would not have seen a problem if **Little Nemo** were female in that thread. A lot of times, that comment is just harmless flirting. Granted, I haven’t been really been following these threads, so maybe I missed something about how that comment is inherently sexist. I’m sorry, but you guys were doing a good job and I value what is left of my mental health. ---
**Author:** ![heatmiserfl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@heatmiserfl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heatmiserfl)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/599 "2013-04-18T11:41:16Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > thank you, mods. and everyone who didn’t give up on this Big Ass thread. I second this. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/600 "2013-04-18T12:37:54Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > The explanation is that when I became a moderator, it immediately became clear to me that I would have to put my personal feelings on some issues aside in order to enforce the rules. This may seem evident, but it is a bit of transition to make from poster to moderator. It is also a mistake people make when they report posts sometimes. They mistake a personally objectionable opinion for snark, insults or other rules violations. What actually is happening is that they are reacting according to their own beliefs, which is “I think X is wrong, so any post which espouses X is offensive to me and should be moderated.” > > Personally, I had to learn this in the realm of religious discussion. I am aware there are a great many atheists on this board who very freely share their disdain for organized religion. I myself consider myself to be a fairly devout Catholic and try to live my life according to the precepts of the Church. Decrying the church for permitting the pedophilia scandal, for example, or expressing disdain for those who purportedly are religious yet do very harmful things are opinions people are allowed to have. I had to learn this and evaluate things on the basis of the comment, regardless of how I felt about what they were saying. Should be evident, I know many of you will think, but nevertheless it is a transition I had to make. > > **Now to the point** (and I do have one) … by training myself to step back from my personal feelings on issues and attempting to evaluate things based on what exactly was being expressed I feel has led me to be a little more permissive than I should have been. Similar to how I might personally be hurt by anti-Catholic statements, I personally might recoil from a position someone takes that is anti-woman. If I understand what you are saying, it is that you had to step back from your personal feelings in your moderation, and thereby erred a little too much on the other side. That is, you let slide remarks that were offensive to you as a woman/feminist because you were bending over backward to be fair. And you are going to try not to do that anymore. Fair enough. Can I ask why you are doing this with anti-woman remarks, and not with anti-Catholic/anti-theist remarks? If, as you say, it is possible to go too far toward tolerating one kind of offensive remark, in an effort to be fair-minded, is it not possible to go too far in tolerating offensive remarks aimed at a different group? Perhaps it is my perspective, but I see a whole lot more remarks shitting on religious people in threads about religion or abortion or politics or gay marriage or pretty much any thread in which certain posters participate. If you want to make these boards more welcoming to women, that’s fine. Do you want them welcoming to all women, or only atheist women? As you probably remember, **manhattan** quit the SDMB and his role as a moderator specifically because these boards are not welcoming to any political stripe other than one. How long did it take to get rid of **badchad** , even though he stated explicitly that his goal on the boards was to annoy and drive off one of our long-term, Christian, posters? If this is an announcement of a more general crack-down on threadshitting, that’s up to the mods to decide. If it is an announcement of simply a trend to crack down on posts that don’t toe a politically correct line, that is not quite the same thing. I understand, and respect, your efforts to be even-handed in your moderation of posts that are offensive personally. I would respectfully request that you be just as even-handed on posts that offend you personally in other ways. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617/601 "2013-04-18T13:35:10Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Can I ask why you are doing this with anti-woman remarks, and not with anti-Catholic/anti-theist remarks? I wasn’t addressing anything but the misogynist issue in my post. Perhaps other remarks are being overlooked as well, but I didn’t say anything about it specifically since it’s not at issue in this thread. Bringing up religion was only by way of illustration of how I had been thinking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617.md?page=29) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misogyny-on-board/655617.md?page=31)