# Miss 26, Your Number Is Up! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 10, 2003, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821 "2003-06-10T10:14:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/1 "2003-06-10T10:14:54Z")
For those of you who read my thread entitled “Hi, My Name is Audrey and I’m Miss 26” (I’m too sleepy and loopy on Vicodin right now to link to it but if one of you would care to there’ll be a special star on the fridge for you) I thought you’d like to know that I had the surgery on Saturday. (For those of you who are just tuning in, it was surgery on a pilonidal cyst.) I went in early Saturday morning b/c the inflammation of the cyst was getting to the point that I could no longer walk; I assumed they’d just drain it and let it heal before doing surgery later on, but nay. They laid me out on a gurney with a fluid IV for TWELVE FUCKING HOURS before taking me in to the OR at 8:40 Saturday evening. (The wait was partially b/c I’d eaten breakfast, so they couldn’t allow me to have general anesthesia for at least six to eight hours; the other four hours were because hey, this was County hospital and the shit takes awhile.) The surgery went on without a hitch, but I’d like to warn those of you who’ve never had surgery that you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck afterwards; there will be muscles you didn’t even know you had that will _throb_ with pain. Even while you’re on a morphine drip. And the tube they stick down your throat during the surgery? I think they rip it out with hot tongs or something, b/c it’s 48 hours later and my throat is still raw. They mentioned that “some people complain of soreness.” What about the “hey-I-can’t-fucking-swallow” complaint? Does anybody mention that? Geez. And what about the saliva inhibitor? Yeah. My lips looked like I’d been walking the Sahara for a couple years; I didn’t even have enough moisture in my mouth to talk…and I was in so much pain following the surgery that the nurse gave me a mother load of morphine through the IV…so much, in fact, that my oxygen monitor went off and she told me to “take deep breaths.” I was too zonky to be frightened that I wasn’t breathing enough at that point, but looking back, that’s kind of…er…SCARY. Now I have a hole in my ass that’s about the size of a quarter, and about an inch deep. For a pilonidal cyst, I’m told that they can get much bigger, but it’s still kind of a funky idea. Mr. Levins, who has been cleaning and packing it with gauze, says it just looks wrong that there’s all that raw meat just exposed back there. They cauterized it during surgery so most of the nerves are currently numb; I haven’t really felt it yet. They tell me it’ll wake up in a day or two and that’s when the fun really begins. But for now, I’m actually pretty okay. Still working out the allover soreness with lots of water and limited movement–walking around the house, basically–and so far I’ve only taken a few Vicodin a day. Mainly when I feel the need to take a nap, b/c this shit makes me SLEEPY! It’s like drinking a six pack without that nasty hangover. (Or the burping.) Going in tomorrow for a check up with the surgeon, so cross your fingers that everything’s okay in Audrey Ass Land. I’m on 2000 mg’s of antibiotics a day so I can’t imagine that anything would dare grow down there but tissue, but hey…never hurts to have happy thoughts sent my way. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/2 "2003-06-10T10:18:04Z")
Link to [Hi, My Name is Audrey, and I’m Miss 26](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=187785). Get well soon. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/3 "2003-06-10T10:19:18Z")
Your special star is gold and glistening, **Desmostylus.** 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/4 "2003-06-10T11:09:08Z")
Fingers crossed, **Audrey,** and hoping for the best. I hope the soreness wears off soon. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/5 "2003-06-10T11:25:21Z")
Wishing all the best for Audrey’s arse (and the rest of her too of course!!) Lotsa Love and Xylocaine…kam 😃 (Hey, what’s the generic name of Vidocin? I dunno what it is over here, but it sounds like good stuff.) ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/6 "2003-06-10T14:49:56Z")
Well, **Audrey** , not everyone can claim to have a spare asshole. As a bartender, you’ll more than likely encounter situations where the capacity for being a double asshole could be good. I’m still trying to come up with a good golf joke about two holes in one crack … let me get back to you on that one. Get well soon, Zenster ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/7 "2003-06-10T15:05:06Z")
Now, now. Let’s not be calling it a spare asshole. Spare bellybutton sounds much nicer. Good luck with all of this. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/8 "2003-06-10T16:34:29Z")
I hope you feel better soon! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/9 "2003-06-10T17:27:11Z")
One of my co-workers just had the same thing Audrey. Take care and milk it for all it’s worth with the Mr. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/10 "2003-06-10T18:21:24Z")
I’m sending you vibes for quick and thorough healing. ((Audrey)) Go Mr. Levins, nurse Audrey well! 😉_Wonders if he has a little nurses uniform to wear, just to cheer Audrey up?_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/11 "2003-06-10T18:35:28Z")
That your wound is that small is amazing, Audrey. I hope you heal quickly and well. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/12 "2003-06-10T18:49:16Z")
Wow. My asshole just closed up in terror. You’re a trouper, **Audrey**. Let the Mr. take good care of you and enjoy your time off. Ava ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/13 "2003-06-10T20:40:35Z")
**Audrey** best of luck with your recovery and a big Thank You to **Mr. Levins** for taking care of you while you are down. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/14 "2003-06-10T20:44:53Z")
Thank you, thank you, everyone. 🙂 I just went for a check up and was informed that I need to be packing the damn thing deeper, but other than that, so far so good. I have another appt. in two weeks. I thought the same thing, **Mockingbird,** as far as the size of the wound. I thought it would be bigger, and I mentioned it to the surgeon; he said that they just keep cutting until they encounter nothing but good tissue, so… :shrug: I’m hoping I’m just one of the lucky ones. I guess I won’t really know for awhile if they did get it all…the pattern seems to be a flare-up every six months, so I guess I’ll know by Christmas? :wince: I’m trying to be positive and hope I’m in the 90% of people who have a successful surgery and never look back. And yes, Mr. Levins is as good as gold; I’m milking it for all it’s worth. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/15 "2003-06-10T21:02:40Z")
I just had a normal cyst removed last week, and let me tell you, the day they tell you that you can stop packing your newest body cavity with gauze is a joyful day. May that day come sooner rather than later. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/16 "2003-06-10T22:59:15Z")
“Some patients complain of soreness.” Right. Just once I want to see a hospital form that says “Some patients describe a sensation of having a mature rosebush rammed up their asses and ripped out their throats while at the same time being thoroughly pummeled with bricks.” Ouch. You have my sincerest sympathy and best wishes. Hope you’re feeling better soon. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/17 "2003-06-11T00:08:51Z")
Best wishes – ouch, that’s a heck of a place to have surgery! Enjoy your sleepiness while you can with Vicodin, as soon as the good effects start wearing off they make you stop taking it. ☹ **kambuckta** , Vicodin’s generic name is hydrocodone. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/18 "2003-06-11T00:40:57Z")
Hang in there, girl. ---
**Author:** ![DoperChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@DoperChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoperChic)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/19 "2003-06-11T00:53:07Z")
Good luck to you, Audrey. I hope all goes well and you heal quickly. And give a big hug to Mr Levins for me. He’s a great man for dealing with everything so wonderfuly. DoperChic ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821/20 "2003-06-11T01:03:23Z")
**Audrey** , best wishes for a speedy recovery! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-26-your-number-is-up/180821.md?page=2)