# Miss Suzy Had A Steamboat **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 17, 1999, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785 "1999-11-17T05:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/1 "1999-11-17T05:12:00Z")
Here’s a song I remember from my childhood. How do you remember it? Where did it come from? Miss Suzy had a steamboat, The steamboat had a bell, When Suzy went to heaven, The steamboat went to - Hello operator, Please give me number 9, And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you in - Behind the yellow curtain There was a piece of glass, Miss Suzy sat upon it, And hurt her big fat - Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies, The boys are in the bathroom Doing up their - Flies are in the city, The bees are in the park, The boys and girls are having fun And necking in the dark-dark-dark! Alternate version (different tune): Three Irishmen, three Irishmen Were digging in a ditch One called the other A dirty son of a - Beehive corn syrup Five cents a glass If you don’t like it Shove it up your - Ask me no questions I’ll tell you no lies, If you get hit with a bucket of shit Be sure to close your eyes! ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/2 "1999-11-17T05:24:00Z")
Sounds like one of a dozen or so semi-vulgar tunes that we 5th & 6th grade boys would sing on the schoolbus back in the late 70’s. Here’s another classic: “Got a skeeter on my peter, whack it off!” Lord only knows where these things get started. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/3 "1999-11-17T05:26:00Z")
Did you do a clapping game along with it? The version we used was similar to the first. Lulu had a steamboat, Her steamboat had a bell, When Lulu went to Heaven, That steamboat went to… Hello operator, Please give me number nine, And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you right… Behind the yellow curtain, There was a peice of Glass, When Lulu sat upon it, She drove it up her… Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies, And that’s the end of Lulu, And Steamboat #9! * * * ‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’ Last words of General John Sedgwick ---
**Author:** ![Zulu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a9adbd/32.png) [@Zulu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulu)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/4 "1999-11-17T05:50:00Z")
Very similar to the first one, I learned it as: Miss Molly had a steamboat, The steamboat had a bell, When Molly went to heaven, The steamboat went to - Hello operator, Give me number 9, And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick your big - Behind the old piano, There was a piece of glass, Miss Molly sat upon it, And hurt her little - Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies, The boys are in the bathroom Doing up their - Flies are in the city, The bees are in the park, Miss Molly and her boyfriend Are kissing in the d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k, Dark, dark, dark! I actually didn’t hear that version until grade 8, when I met a girl who went to a different elementary school. The version from my elementary school ended with: Behind the old piano, [or sometimes ‘iron curtain’] There was a piece of glass, Miss Molly sat upon it, And hurt her little - Ask me for a muffin, I’ll give you some dry bread, And if you do not like it You can go and soak your head. No idea where it comes from, though. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/5 "1999-11-17T06:06:00Z")
Somebody did a PhD dissertation (of course) on these childhood rhyming things. I remember it much like Matt told it, but my seven year old daughter sings it (with the same clapping game) with a verse about plastic surgery I think. When she’s up I’ll get her version and post it here. Interestingly, in other English speaking countries you hear the same songs with slightly different versions too. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/6 "1999-11-17T07:45:00Z")
I heard this one this way: Two Irishmen Two Irishmen Were digging in a ditch. One called the other one A dirty son of a… Peter Murphy had a dog, A very fine dog was he. He gave it to a lady friend To keep her company. She taught it, she taught it, She taught it how to jump. It jumped right up her panty hose And bit her on the… Country boy from Illinois Was sitting on a rock, Along came a bumblebee and Stung him on the… Cocktails, gingerale, Five cents a glass. And if you don’t believe me, Shove it up your… Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies. And if you get hit with A bucket of shit, Be sure to close your eyes! * * * The déjà just keeps on vu-ing. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/7 "1999-11-17T12:38:00Z")
My version was about “Miss Lucy” and the glass was behind the refrigerator. Oh, and her “ask” was little, not big and fat. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/8 "1999-11-17T13:14:00Z")
Mine was the same as Lisa’s, but in addition, the boys are in the bathroom, making chocolate pies and lemonaaaaaaaade . . . And then there was bo bo skee watten tatten eh eh eh eh boom boom boom itty bitty watten tatten bo bo skee watten tatten bo bo skee watten tatten boom! And I remember something about a rhyme where Miss Suzy had a baby, put him in the tub, the baby drank the water and ate the bathtub, whereupon, Miss Suzy called the doctor. Anyone remember that? * * * Will work for sig line. ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/9 "1999-11-17T13:37:00Z")
My version was similar to Lisa’s but it was still Miss Susie. And the last verse went as follows: The cows are in the meadows Eating chocolate pies. There is a new flavor Cherry coconut And if you do not like it I’ll shove it up your… Butt. MOM! I am not sure of the question here, but it has many earlier variations like many folk songs. The really strange thing about children’s dirty folk songs, is that children keep it alive passing it down to eachother rather than being taught to them by their parents or music teachers. I remember the Bo bo skee watten totten (sp?). There were many others. Tracing the history of folk songs is oftentimes interesting. I play a lot of folk songs (around 200) and as you go around, the words and melodies aren’t always exactly the same, nor are the chords. They are all recognizable as the same song though. I could talk about this all day, but I would rather address Matt’s specific question, if he has one. HUGS! Sqrl * * * Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/10 "1999-11-17T14:16:00Z")
I Never heard this til my husband mentioned it,and then they did it on Rosanne(at the end credits) ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/11 "1999-11-17T16:32:00Z")
The version I learned was basically the same as Matt’s, but it had two more verses: … Dark is like a movie, A movie’s like a show, A show is like a program, And this is what I know, I know my mother I know, I know my pa, I know, I know my sister With the eight-DD bra. Oh, the memories… ---
**Author:** ![dfahs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@dfahs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dfahs)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 1999, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/12 "1999-11-18T06:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > And I remember something about a rhyme where Miss Suzy had a baby, put him in the tub, the baby drank the water and ate the bathtub, whereupon, Miss Suzy called the doctor. Anyone remember that? Miss Suzy had a baby. She named him Tiny Tim. She put him in the bathtub To see if he could swim. He drank up all the water. He ate up all the soap. He tried to eat the bathtub, But it wouldn’t go down his throat. Miss Suzy called the doctor. The doctor called the nurse. The nurse called the lady With the alligator purse. “Mumps,” said the doctor. “Measles,” said the nurse. “Nothing,” said the lady With the alligator purse. ---
**Author:** ![dfahs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@dfahs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dfahs)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 1999, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/13 "1999-11-18T06:17:00Z")
Oops. Remembered one more verse. I’m not sure I’m remembering the exact money amounts. Does anybody know if there was some actual treatment between the previous verse I gave and this one? A dollar for the doctor. A nickel for the nurse. Nothing for the lady With the alligator purse. ---
**Author:** ![Nickrz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbce88/32.png) [@Nickrz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nickrz)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 1999, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/14 "1999-11-18T06:26:00Z")
You kids go play in MPSIMS. AND STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER!! ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/15 "2001-10-20T03:08:43Z")
From South Park: Mrs. Landers was a health nut She cooked food in a wok Mr. Harris was her boyfriend He had a great big Cock a doodle doodle The rooster just won’t sit And I don’t want my breakfast Because it tastes like Shi-tzus make good housepets They’re cuddily and sweet Monkeys aren’t good to have cause they like to beat They’re meeting in the office A meeting in the hall The boss, he wants to see you So you can suck his Balzac was a writer He lived with Alan Funt Mrs. Roberts didn’t like him but that’s cause she’s a contaminated water can really make you sick your bladder gets infected and blood comes out your dictate what I’m saying Cause it will bring you luck And if you all don’t like it I don’t give a flying f-ck ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/16 "2001-10-20T04:08:37Z")
Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went to heaven and The steamboat went to Hello, Operator Please give me #9 And if you disconnect me I will chop of your Behind the 'frigerator There stood a piece of glass Miss Susie sat upon it And it went right up her Ask me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies The boys are in the girls room Pulling down their Flies are in the city The bees are in the park The boys and girls are kissing in the D-A-R-K, dark The dark is like a movie A movie’s like a show A show is like a TVset With underwear below. It was a clapping game, learned from other girls. The baby who ate the soap & water was Mama’s baby (not Miss Suzy’s) and that was a jump roping thing, the doctor, nurse, and little old lady went in and then they came back out. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/17 "2001-10-20T04:33:06Z")
I woke up in my bedroom I looked upon the wall The beatles and the bed bugs were playing a game of ball The score was six to nothing the beatles were ahead the bedbugs hit a home run and it knocked me out of bed ask me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies if you get hit with a bucket of shit be sure to close you eyes * * * there was way more, my little sister used to sing this Haj ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/18 "2001-10-20T04:35:07Z")
Josepha Sherman, who is perhaps better known as a fantasy writer, actually wrote a book called “Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts” cataloguing the “subversive folklore of childhood.” Several versions of “Miss Suzy had a Steamboat” are located within it, as well. If anyone else just can’t get enough of this silly stuff, they might want to find a copy at their local library. Besides, it makes good first-date conversation. 😉 Corr ---
**Author:** ![king\_of\_spain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@king\_of\_spain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/king_of_spain)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/19 "2001-10-20T04:43:33Z")
Miss Suzy had a steamboat, The steamboat had a bell Miss Suzy went to Heaven, The steamboat went to - Hello Operator, Please give me number 9 And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from - Behind the 'frigerator, There was a piece of glass Miss Suzy sat upon it And cut her little Ask me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies The cows are in the meadow Making chocolate pies and lemonade! ---
**Author:** ![Toaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@Toaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toaster)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785/20 "2001-10-20T04:58:23Z")
Guess I’m the only poster who always heard it as Miss Suzy going to hell and the steamboat going to heaven (which always made me happy, heh). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/miss-suzy-had-a-steamboat/4785.md?page=2)