# Missing banter at work **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 27, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485 "2011-07-27T14:14:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FuriousGeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecae2f/32.png) [@FuriousGeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FuriousGeorge)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/21 "2011-07-27T15:37:32Z")
You’re more than welcome to my share of work banter. Oddly I just got to hear the tale of the bunion problems of the woman who sits in the cube behind me… complete with visual aids. Am now off my feed for the rest of the day. You lucky, lucky bastard. Proper little boss’ pet, aren’t you? I lay awake at night dreaming to be left out of the work banter. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/22 "2011-07-27T15:38:40Z")
> [@Bibliovore](#): > > Then what’s the solution? There has to be a happy medium between repeating every single word for my benefit and completely fucking ignoring me altogether. Seriously, I really don’t feel like a member of the team because I’m excluded from participating in the socialising banter at work. Hm, well that’s a tough question. I can’t think of anything that would completely alleviate the problem. A happy medium might be to just not even try to get involved in the huge busy conversations. Stick with the smaller ones, where you can focus on one or two other people. Barring better hearing aids, I’m not sure there is a very good solution. ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/23 "2011-07-27T15:40:25Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I have a bad ear. I cope by either pretending I heard and understood what was said (simply nodding and murmuring “mmm” is amazingly effective, and I’ve yet to accidentally agree to wear a puffy shirt), or by repeating what I thought they said. > > “Am I sailing back to port? Huh?” > > “No, I said have you _emailed me that report_?” > > “Ahh. Yeah, I don’t even own a boat.” Yeah, conversations can get mighty bizarre when your brain scrabbles around trying to fill in the blanks! ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/24 "2011-07-27T15:42:56Z")
I’ll admit it. I have a hard time talking to you because of your hearing problem. Work converstaions, I make an effort because it is work. But when I want to talk about who is dating whom and what I think of the boss I don’t want to talk loudly or repeat it twice. And nothing kills my witty bon mots faster than “could you repeat that.” It’s not that I don’t like talking to you, except for all the “fucks”, it is just harder to have normal converstion with you and I’m lazy. I don’t know how loud I do need to talk so that you can comfortably hear me. The same thing with my Mom who is 87. I will not fully include her sometimes when I am talking to my sister because it is a pain in the ass and we have topics to cover. There, got that off my chest. I’m sorry. Really, I am. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/25 "2011-07-27T15:43:37Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Notice how lieu didn’t even direct that comment toward you; talked right over your head! What a dick! > > No, I mean that. That was kind of a fucking dicky comment. You and I don’t know each other, obviously, but **Bib** and I do. You’re wrong, but then he knows that already. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/26 "2011-07-27T15:45:04Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > You and I don’t know each other, obviously, but **Bib** and I do. You’re wrong, but then he knows that already. Ok. I’m ok with being wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/27 "2011-07-27T15:56:33Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > You and I don’t know each other, obviously, but **Bib** and I do. You’re wrong, but then he knows that already. No problem - I realise you were making a joke and I chose to treat it as such, but I’m feeling a mite sensitive today (as evinced by this thread) and was nevertheless irked. But no harm no foul. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/28 "2011-07-27T16:02:06Z")
[Suppose they did talk to you, but you had trouble understanding their banter?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rKYL0tW-Ek) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/29 "2011-07-27T16:06:37Z")
Well, I’m bummed on your behalf, but I’m not sure there’s much to be done about it. I think if you try to start conversations with people that might help a bit, but if people are chatting about trivial non-work crap having to repeat it makes it sort of…less fun - like you’ve been caught faffing around when you should be working. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/30 "2011-07-27T16:08:54Z")
Well, I am sorry then. It was and any comment I’d make is always is meant to lighten and I am truly sorry if it missed its intended mark. I get frustrated too by the degree to which my hearing loss prevents me from engaging in conversations I’d like to participate in. However, it’s not yet moved to the point where those conversations in the workplace have been affected, primarily because for the most part the ambient noise in those situations is relatively low. If I’m in a bar or restaurant though, forget it, all I hear is one continuous, inseparable murmur. In short then, I can’t offer much in the way of advicve but without question I can commiserate and hope you find some means of resolution. ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/31 "2011-07-27T16:13:33Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Well, I am sorry then. It was and any comment I’d make is always is meant to lighten and I am truly sorry if it missed its intended mark. > > I get frustrated too by the degree to which my hearing loss prevents me from engaging in conversations I’d like to participate in. However, it’s not yet moved to the point where those conversations in the workplace have been affected, primarily because for the most part the ambient noise in those situations is relatively low. If I’m in a bar or restaurant though, forget it, all I hear is one continuous, inseparable murmur. In short then, I can’t offer much in the way of advicve but without question I can commiserate and hope you find some means of resolution. Don’t worry about it, and thanks again. ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/32 "2011-07-27T16:16:58Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I’ll admit it. I have a hard time talking to you because of your hearing problem. Work converstaions, I make an effort because it is work. But when I want to talk about who is dating whom and what I think of the boss I don’t want to talk loudly or repeat it twice. And nothing kills my witty bon mots faster than “could you repeat that.” > > It’s not that I don’t like talking to you, except for all the “fucks”, it is just harder to have normal converstion with you and I’m lazy. I don’t know how loud I do need to talk so that you can comfortably hear me. The same thing with my Mom who is 87. I will not fully include her sometimes when I am talking to my sister because it is a pain in the ass and we have topics to cover. There, got that off my chest. I’m sorry. Really, I am. Well then damn, I guess the only thing for me to do is to retreat entirely from normal working interactions and go live in a hole someplace while hoping that my scintillating wit and effervescent good nature shine through in all of my written communications to the outside world. Seriously, sometimes I wonder whether I’d be better off in a job where I only write to people rather than work face to face with them, but then I realise that’d just be giving up. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/33 "2011-07-27T16:22:52Z")
> [@Bibliovore](#): > > Wish I could. I wear them in both ears and even when they’re in, I have trouble following group conversations that are batted back and forth across the desks. I doubt it’s a conscious thing on their part. I have a friend from high school who’s hearing impaired, and when I went out to eat with him and another friend of ours, I found that the evening got kind of awkward at times, because the hearing impaired guy wasn’t picking up enough of the conversation to do the normal butting in and interjecting that’s normally done, so we had to consciously make an effort to include him, or else we’d have unintentionally excluded him. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/34 "2011-07-27T16:30:04Z")
You have my sympathy, too. I know it’s not the same as having hearing problems, but I worked at a job where the people there just decided they didn’t like me for whatever reason (or no reason), and the exclusion really is hard to take. Human beings are social animals; no one wants to be left out. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/35 "2011-07-27T16:40:04Z")
I’m in a similar situation. My right ear has loss that is too great to improve with a hearing aid. My left ear is gradually getting worse. I spent 3k on a hearing aid last year (not covered by medical insurance) and I notice it is not helping as much lately. I’ve been putting off going back to have my hearing checked because I dread finding out the results. _However_ people at work do talk to me and go out of their way to make sure I’m involved in what is going on. Because I’m the boss (I own the business). Away from work I often wear headphones and listen to my iPod rather than struggle to understand what people are saying. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/36 "2011-07-27T17:24:45Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I worked at a job where the people there just decided they didn’t like me for whatever reason (or no reason), Was it a tattoo parlor? Cus’ if so I think I may have identified the problem… ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/37 "2011-07-28T01:27:20Z")
Wow, overhearing housewife gossip is the least-interesting part of my workday. If I could install a filter so it never got through, I’d be 100% happier. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/38 "2011-07-28T02:40:20Z")
**Biblio** , I’m in the \*\*exact \*\*same boat. Some days it bothers me more than others…all you can do is just keep trying. Don’t let it get to you. I know it’s incredibly demoralizing and tough. At least you can wear headphones at work. ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/39 "2011-07-28T08:14:10Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I doubt it’s a conscious thing on their part. I have a friend from high school who’s hearing impaired, and when I went out to eat with him and another friend of ours, I found that the evening got kind of awkward at times, because the hearing impaired guy wasn’t picking up enough of the conversation to do the normal butting in and interjecting that’s normally done, so we had to consciously make an effort to include him, or else we’d have unintentionally excluded him. Was it difficult for you to make that conscious effort to include him? Or did it become second nature over time? ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485/40 "2011-07-28T10:50:50Z")
> [@Bibliovore](#): > > Hah! Take that! I gesticulate at you provocatively! _waggle, waggle, twiddle_ MrPanda did that last night … Mighta been a different kind of sign language, tho … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-banter-at-work/590485.md?page=3)