# Missing boy found after 18 years. Happily married and safe. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2013, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877 "2013-01-11T17:48:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/1 "2013-01-11T17:48:17Z")
I really hope the Feds don’t do anything to these grandparents. They knew the sort of person their daughter was and I’d bet the grandparents were worried sick that she’d mess the kid up. These grandparents gave up everything to get this kid away from their daughter. I know they took the law into their own hands. But the way family courts are these days sometimes thats the only alternative. Doesn’t matter how screwed up mom is or how many trips she’s taken to rehab. Violent boyfriends don’t seem to matter either. Family Courts just blindly award custody to mom if there’s any indication that she’s doing “better”. I’m glad the kid is now an adult, happily married and by accounts well adjusted. He can choose whether he wants anything to do with his mom. > **[Mother's joy after 5-year-old son who was abducted by grandparents in 1994 is...](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2260563/Boy-abducted-94-Richard-Landers-5-taken-grandparents-1994-living-Minnesota.html)** > > Richard Landers Jr was 5 when his grandparents took him and fled their trailer in Wolcottville, Indiana, leaving behind all of their possession except a few suitcases of clothes. > [@](#): > > Richard Landers Jr was five when his paternal grandparents, who were locked in a custody battle with his mother, fled their trailer in Wolcottville, Indiana, taking the young boy and only a few suitcases of clothes with them. > > Detectives finally tracked Landers down this fall through his social security number and found him living in Long Prairie, Minnesota under the name Michael Jeff Landers > [@](#): > > Landers’ paternal grandparents, then known as Richard and Ruth Landers, were raising the young boy in Indiana after his mother had a troubled relationship with their son. > > Child welfare services stepped in after she ended up in a homeless shelter and because she has some developmental disabilities, Harter’s attorney Richard Muntz told the Star Tribune. > > But in 1994, when she was living in her own home, working and remarried, she began fighting to regain custody of her son. However, the grandparents were upset about the court proceedings. > > Just days before Landers’ mother was due to take him for a one week visitation in July 1994, Richard Landers Jr disappeared without a trace. > [@](#): > > In 1999, the charges were boosted to a Class C Felony, but in 2008, with neither the child nor the grandparents being located, the charges were dropped. > > And now, despite tearing Landers away from his biological parents 18 years ago, the grandparents have not been charged, Galaviz said. > > However, authorities in Minnesota are still investigating the case, and it will eventually be passed on to the County Attorney’s office. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/2 "2013-01-11T18:10:32Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > They knew the sort of person their daughter was and I’d bet the grandparents were worried sick that she’d mess the kid up. These grandparents gave up everything to get this kid away from their daughter. It wasn’t their daughter, according to the quotes you included. It was their son’s child. And the mother was on the right path back and they just up and stole the child from her. I have a small amount of sympathy for them, but not much. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/3 "2013-01-11T18:16:37Z")
I admit my own family experiences have permanently prejudiced me against Family Courts. My cousin’s family went through hell with a worthless daughter. Never held a job more than 2 weeks. In and out of Rehab for meth and crack. Boyfriends that sold dope and beat the crap out of her. Her kid was constantly bouncing back and forth from my cousin’s home and his moms. She’d go to Rehab, clean up for a few months and the Family Court always gave her back the kid. Things would be good for awhile and then she’d get involved with another doper boyfriend. Kid went back to my cousin. He never had a chance of growing up decent. He’s worse than she is now. Already did one prison term for manufacturing meth. Last I heard he’s out on parole. I’d call 911 if I ever saw him drive up to my house. He’s really bad news. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/4 "2013-01-11T18:22:37Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I admit my own family experiences have permanently prejudiced me against Family Courts. This. Social services don’t give a shit about a kid’s welfare, only that he/she stay with at least one parent, or is in contact with them. The grandparents saw the authorities not doing their job and did it for them. Good for them. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/5 "2013-01-11T18:23:43Z")
I have very little sympathy for the grandparents. Regardless of what they may have been thinking, the reality is they stole somebody’s child. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/6 "2013-01-11T18:29:28Z")
> [@Sevencl](#): > > This. Social services don’t give a shit about a kid’s welfare, only that he/she stay with at least one parent, or is in contact with them. The grandparents saw the authorities not doing their job and did it for them. Good for them. I don’t think we have enough information to make this assumption. From the article it sounds like all signs were pointed to Mom getting her shit together - and she had a developmental disability to overcome, not a meth addiction. Either way, they kidnapped a child. I’m glad things worked out in the end but there’s no defense for that. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/7 "2013-01-11T18:35:06Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > And the mother was on the right path back and they just up and stole the child from her. I have a small amount of sympathy for them, but not much. It seems a strange thing to do. Perhaps they know something we don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/8 "2013-01-11T18:38:26Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Either way, they kidnapped a child. I’m glad things worked out in the end but there’s no defense for that. “To protect him/her from a bad parent” works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/9 "2013-01-11T18:48:39Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I really hope the Feds don’t do anything to these grandparents. They knew the sort of person their daughter was and I’d bet the grandparents were worried sick that she’d mess the kid up. These grandparents gave up everything to get this kid away from their daughter. You do know, I hope, that you got the facts completely incorrect. The mother had some problems but they denied her her rights as a mother, to raise her son. I think they should throw the book at the grandparents. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/10 "2013-01-11T19:13:23Z")
Well, it was daughter-in-law rather than daughter. I guess that gives the grandparents even less status with the court because their relationship is through their son. Family Courts have an incredible bias towards the mom. If there’s any indication that she’s done rehab or changed her life then the kid ping pongs back. The problem is, the courts don’t know these women like their families do. The families aren’t fooled by a stay in rehab, new clothes and a new apartment. When you’ve seen a relative fail over and over then you know things won’t be different for very long. These Family Court judges don’t have a clue about the real personalities of the people in front of them. Meanwhile, we do know a kid raised in a loving stable home has a much better chance of growing up as a stable adult. Being raised in a home with drugs and domestic violence often results in grown children with the same issues. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/11 "2013-01-11T19:32:59Z")
On the other hand, in laws often have very skewed perceptions and tend to be sort of biased. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/12 "2013-01-11T19:46:50Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > Well, it was daughter-in-law rather than daughter. I guess that gives the grandparents even less status with the court because their relationship is through their son. > > Family Courts have an incredible bias towards the mom. If there’s any indication that she’s done rehab or changed her life then the kid ping pongs back. The problem is, the courts don’t know these women like their families do. The families aren’t fooled by a stay in rehab, new clothes and a new apartment. When you’ve seen a relative fail over and over then you know things won’t be different for very long. These Family Court judges don’t have a clue about the real personalities of the people in front of them. > > Meanwhile, we do know a kid raised in a loving stable home has a much better chance of growing up as a stable adult. Being raised in a home with drugs and domestic violence often results in grown children with the same issues. That’s the second time you mentioned drugs & domestic violence, yet there’s ZERO indication of that in the linked article. Please stop projecting your own baggage onto this particular story. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/13 "2013-01-11T19:52:49Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > On the other hand, in laws often have very skewed perceptions and tend to be sort of biased. Also true. They often have prejudices against their child’s spouse. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/14 "2013-01-11T19:53:37Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > That’s the second time you mentioned drugs & domestic violence, yet there’s ZERO indication of that in the linked article. Please stop projecting your own baggage onto this particular story. It does, however, seem a very unusual thing for the Grandparents to do. Abandoning so much of their life may suggest that they were nuts or knew something that wasn’t known to the court. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/15 "2013-01-11T19:53:52Z")
You’re right. We don’t know the situation with the mom. It seems reasonable to assume something extreme was going on. Otherwise the grandparents wouldn’t have given up everything and risked their freedom to take the child into hiding. I recall my cousin’s frustration. But, he had other children and wouldn’t have uprooted his life and risked prison because of his daughter’s kid. They spent a lot of time in court trying to get permanent custody of their grandchild but it never worked out. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/16 "2013-01-11T20:00:49Z")
As an aside, I’ve always taken it for granted that a substantial portion of “missing children” were taken away by family members who disagreed with, and sought to override, decisions by family services or courts. I don’t have a citation, but I have heard it said, and it’s my impression that a lot of the milk carton and distributed mail “have you seen this child?” features seem to say things like “last seen in custody of [someone with same last name].” ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/17 "2013-01-11T20:05:50Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > You’re right. We don’t know the situation with the mom. It seems reasonable to assume something extreme was going on. > > Otherwise the grandparents wouldn’t have given up everything and risked their freedom to take the child into hiding. So you’re willing to grant the grandparents the benefit of the doubt that they knew there was sufficient cause to deny the mother her rights? Personally, knowing nothing about the individuals involved, I have to assume that the courts had good reason to trust her and that the grandparents were biased irrationally and/or unfairly. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/18 "2013-01-11T20:14:31Z")
It can be pretty gut wrenching to see a child returned to a home that may or may not be safe. Especially if you’ve had custody of the child for awhile. I’m glad that I never was put into that situation. It would be a tough spot. But, I wouldn’t try to take off and go into hiding. These days it’s just too easy for the cops to track somebody down. You can’t help the kid if you’re in jail yourself. It’s pretty amazing that these grandparents managed to stay out of sight for 18 years. Just enrolling the kid in school is a big risk because you need information on the other schools he attended. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/19 "2013-01-11T20:16:28Z")
Frankly _any_ home “may or may not be safe.” Bad things happen to kids even in the best of homes. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877/20 "2013-01-11T20:17:45Z")
But we have no indication he wouldn’t have been safe with mom. Poor…probably. But we don’t take kids away from people because they are poor or their IQ is below average. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/missing-boy-found-after-18-years-happily-married-and-safe/646877.md?page=2)