# mistaken for a man??!!?? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2002, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265 "2002-09-23T13:30:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/21 "2002-09-23T23:09:17Z")
I’ve been mistaken for a woman many times back when I had long hair. Kind of irritated me, because beyond having long hair I didn’t have any feminine features. You’d figure the adam’s apple, mustache, and stature (6’2") would have clarified things. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/22 "2002-09-24T01:18:37Z")
Ahh but Incubus women are getting taller. I myself am 6’ to 6’2" (I haven’t quite figured out yet. When I go to the Dr they say I’m 6 feet but people I meet who absolutely insist they are 6 feet I am at least 1 to 2 inches taller than them) I have been mistaken for a man a couple of times. Once when walking into the mall by school I walked past this one lady and all I hear are “Can you spare some change sir?” I pause because well… there was no one else around for her to be talking to and look back at her. When she gets a good look at my face she gets all apologetic and stuff. Now as I am so tall I usually wear guys clothes but I still pride myself on looking fairly feminine. And at that time my hair wasn’t _half_ as short as it is now. Now if I dress right I can pass as a ‘stereotypical lesbian’, tall, strong, short hair looking vaguely like I could take on a football player. It’s annoying though… I am obviously female (C’mon… how many guys walk with a sway to their hips, have a lovely shapely figure and decently sized breasts?) But I have been mistaken more than once. ---
**Author:** ![plain\_jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@plain\_jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plain_jane)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/23 "2002-09-24T01:56:44Z")
Sometimes when people question another person’s gender, I think it’s meant as an insult and they know very well what gender that person is. They just want to make you feel bad because you don’t fit their idea of what your gender should look like. Not that I’m saying that’s the case for the OP, this is just a general message. When I was a teenager, I used to shave my head. I wore make-up, dresses, and I’m short and slender. I don’t have a huge chest but it’s noticeable. My voice is obviously female. Still, I’d have complete strangers asking me, “or you a boy or a girl?” One time a bus driver didn’t pick me up at a bus stop–I ran to catch him and he did stop. When I got on the bus, he said he was debating on whether or not to let me on because he thought I was a boy in a dress. Ha ha ha. I think it had more to do with me not fitting into their mould than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/24 "2002-09-24T02:20:28Z")
In the 1960s, before the revival in long hair on males was very wide spread (or, perhaps, while it took root), I was mistaken for a female many times. And I _do_ mean mistaken. There were, of course, the blue meanies who knew damn good and well that they were just harassing a long hair, but often enough a well-meaning coffee-shop waitress in Somewhere, Missouri addressed me as “Miss” out of courtesy rather than contempt. So be it. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/25 "2002-09-24T02:23:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fizzestothetop \* > \*\*I’ve been mistaken for a man, but not for how I look, but because of my name. I get letters all the time addressed to Mr. Bailie (Lastname) and one time at the doctor’s office, the same doctor’s office I’d been going to for years and they know me quite well there too, they called me up to the desk as Mr. Bailie (Lastname). > > Even when I had super short hair I was never mistaken for a guy. It’s just when someone hears my name they automatically assume I’m a dude. \*\* **Fizzy** , I hear you on that one loud and clear. You see, when I was but a new member of Columbia House Music Club, I got an envelope addressed to Mr. Leslie (Last Name); I gotta tell you I was shocked. I could have sworn I had correctly indicated my gender on the online form. Luckily, an email to their customer support solved the problem. Of course, this was nothing compared to the time I was in junior high and the first year of high school with a guy who had the same name (first and last) as me. :eek: F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/26 "2002-09-24T02:24:56Z")
Hair length that does not conform to traditional gender expectations causes all kinds of confusion. I don’t know why. For some reason some people cannot process the concepts “Woman with short hair” or “Man with long hair”. I have long said that the #1 easiest way for a woman to make people think she’s a lesbian is to cut her hair very short, and the #1 way to make people think she’s straight is to grow her hair long. When I had short hair I was sometimes mistaken for a boy, despite my figure. This has never happened since I started growing my hair out to donate to charity, except when I’m in drag (and I wear a hat then). ---
**Author:** ![fizzestothetop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e79b87/32.png) [@fizzestothetop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzestothetop)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/27 "2002-09-24T03:10:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Flamsterette\_X \* > \*\* > > **Fizzy** , I hear you on that one loud and clear. You see, when I was but a new member of Columbia House Music Club, I got an envelope addressed to Mr. Leslie (Last Name); I gotta tell you I was shocked. I could have sworn I had correctly indicated my gender on the online form. Luckily, an email to their customer support solved the problem. > > F\_X \*\* I had a subscription to Seventeen magazine (you know, the trashy teen girly mag) and it was addressed to Mr. Bailie (Lastname). Oy Vey! ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/28 "2002-09-24T04:00:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lamia \* > **I have long said that the #1 easiest way for a woman to make people think she’s a lesbian is to cut her hair very short,** Hm. Remember my friend with the long blonde hair? She once had a boyfriend who asked her if I was a lesbian. His reasoning? Short hair, never saw me with a guy (hey, I was particular), and I spoke my mind. Yep, I guess that makes me gay. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/29 "2002-09-24T04:50:33Z")
I constantly have people assuming I’m a man when they address me. (Of course, it might have something to do with the handlebar mustache or the kids tagging along whining “Da-ad! Da-ad!”) ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/30 "2002-09-24T05:18:02Z")
I was mistaken for a man for most of the first 30 years of my life. The penis kinda confused them. 🙂 I don’t think I want to know what a “male lesbian” is, as it will probably annoy me. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/31 "2002-09-24T07:31:06Z")
As someone who has a femiinine voice and a somewhat girlish first name I’ve gotten pantyhose samples frangance samples ect in my name Whats worse is I’ve had M.R put on everything and it dosent help Once in school a teacher thought I was joking when i answered for roll call until i showed her my school i.d. My step dad used to joke he always wondered about the clothing catalogs id get … ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/32 "2002-09-24T09:45:01Z")
Whenever I get a haircut, I tend to favor a more boyish style - less maintenance and more comfort. Coupled with the fact that I tend to wear boyish jean shorts with huge pockets (that I actually use), and my shirts are really loose… At least most of the school is used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Theios](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e8c25b/32.png) [@Theios](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theios)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/33 "2002-09-24T09:53:42Z")
It happens to me so often that I’m actually suprised if they get it right. It’s been happening since I was six, so it no longer phases me. I have such a long laundry list of confusing characteristics, that the poor sods don’t have a chance in hell of getting it right. Lesbian Male name (Dale… Thanks Mom) 5’8" and built solid Mens clothing, boots, wallet Short, short hair Always in a ballcap, no jewelry Deep vioce Strong willed, out-spoken, big ego, loud and confident The only thing going for me is a nice womanly shaped body (so my GFs say). But the clothes mask that, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/34 "2002-09-24T10:09:13Z")
LMAO this thread is hilarious! I am a mate of Phraser’s, and I can definitely say she doesn’t look like a boy! But keeping in the spirit of this thread… I was once abruptly stopped by a David Jones (department store) fitting room attendant, when I tried to go into the fitting rooms to try on a bra. “You can’t go in there!” she proudly hollered. I gave her a look of contempt, declared I was going to try on the aforementioned bra and waltzed past her. I have _ALWAYS_ had the “are you a boy or a girl” question. I don’t think I’m all that androgynous or butch enough to really pass for a guy, so I wonder what drugs these people are on. Even when I was in high school, with long(ish) hair and wearing the uniform, which was a one-piece dress thing… even then I would get asked. And not just by small children. Grown adults would ask me this. It doesn’t bug me, but it really makes me wonder what these people have been smoking. I don’t have HUGE tits, but they’re not small either… I have very smooth girly skin, a girly voice etc. What’s the go??? Sometimes I just answer the “are you a boy or a girl” question with “YES.” 😛 Max. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/35 "2002-09-24T10:25:07Z")
Hey, two new Aussies on the boards. That’s great. 🙂 \*\*Happy Lendervedder > [@](#): > > I’m just trying to figure out what phraser is going to do with those condoms she had in her basket at the supermarket queue. \*\*Ever heard of people buying items for their partners? Like men buying tampons for their girlfriends/wives? In any event, it’s a perfectly good idea for women to have a supply of condoms. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/36 "2002-09-24T10:52:55Z")
I once got mistaken for a girl – was about 15 and no facial hair. Also, was at a ski lift and I was wearing ski goggles and a blue/pink snowsuit (I’m NEVER renting again). Plus I was attempting to grow my hair long so I had a mop top. They kept calling me “ma’am” and I was too embaressed to say anything since my voice had already broken. Fortunately I’ve grown a bit since then and you’d have to have really bad eyesight to get my gender confused nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/37 "2002-09-24T11:52:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narrad \* > \*\*Ever heard of people buying items for their partners? Like men buying tampons for their girlfriends/wives? > > In any event, it’s a perfectly good idea for women to have a supply of condoms. \*\* [sub]she’s a lesbian.[/sub] **I** was pretty sure the condoms were for toys, myself. If I ever shaved my head or had short hair, I would definately get more ‘are you a guy’ inquiries - I have a very strong face that can be quite masculine looking when I’m tired - I’m also slender and have small breasts. I don’t think my walk is masculine - again, unless I’m tired. So when I’m sleep-deprived and cranky I stomp around and look like a guy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/38 "2002-09-24T12:29:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narrad \* > \*\*\*\*Happy Lendervedder\*\*Ever heard of people buying items for their partners? Like men buying tampons for their girlfriends/wives? \*\* 😃 I don’t know why I found this so funny… Q: “Why is a lesbian buying condoms?” A: “They aren’t for her! she’s buying them for her girlfriend!” Maybe it’s just reminds me of the t-shirt that says “I’m not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is.” To the OP: I was a “tomboy” as a kid. A tree-climbing, short-haired, playing in constructions sites and gravel pits, catching frogs kinda girl. Too butch! People thought I was a boy all the time! I even saw an old photo of “some boy” one day… didn’t recognise myself in the stupid outfit I was wearing in the photo. Now my hair is really, _really_ long and my biggest problem now is that it’s hard to find a date when other women don’t realize you’re queer! (Luckily, I’m happily paired off with my girlfriend these days.) ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/39 "2002-09-24T13:42:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nightshadea \* > **As someone who has a femiinine voice and a somewhat girlish first name I’ve gotten pantyhose samples frangance samples ect in my name** Don’t feel too bad about that . . . > [@](#): > > From a weekly column by the minister of First Baptist Church, quoting a letter the church had received: > “Dear Mrs. First B. Church, > We haven’t a clue as to why you wouldn’t send for your FREE SAMPLE pair of Silkies pantyhose, Mrs. First B. Church, so we thought you might need to take a close look!” > The letter went on to say how great Mrs. First B. Church could feel wearing the pantyhose. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265/40 "2002-09-24T14:01:58Z")
> [@](#): > > I have long said that the #1 easiest way for a woman to make people think she’s a lesbian is to cut her hair very short, and the #1 way to make people think she’s straight is to grow her hair long. Truth. Maybe we should christen this as **Lamia** ’s Rule. > [@](#): > > Now my hair is really, really long and my biggest problem now is that it’s hard to find a date when other women don’t realize you’re queer! **Charmian** , it makes me feel better, in a perverse sort of way, to know that it isn’t just straights like me who unconsciously buy into Lamia’s rule. But a woman with a short haircut, no makeup, and mannish clothing still looks like a woman, except at the briefest of glances. Add me to the list who think **phraser** , if unattached, should ask the salesgirl out. **Theios** : > [@](#): > > Male name (Dale… Thanks Mom) You mean as in Dale Evans? Or Chip n’ Dale, the cartoon chipmunks? 🙂 As in Dale Earnhardt too, but it’s still a name that’s comfortable going either way. As a guy named Kim, I’m thinking they could have done worse by you. 🙂 And before you ask, I get _piles_ of mail for “Ms. Kim (Lastname)”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mistaken-for-a-man/129265.md?page=3)