# Misunderstandings based on your own perceptions. Long and rambling **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 22, 2023, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063 "2023-04-22T23:28:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/21 "2023-04-24T18:23:35Z")
Yeah I get that. But from the OP, I don’t think anyone could have guessed what was meant, especially the first example. How can anyone get “can you go to the other area?” from “How are you doing.” OP, maybe you should be upfront about your need for clear language. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/22 "2023-04-24T18:34:42Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > OP, maybe you should be upfront about your need for clear language. But then you look crazy and draw attention to yourself. Being asked “where do you like to work better?” could mean different things. It can mean “tell me you like it here better” or “tell me negative things about the other place”. If I ask for clarification all the time, people will just stop talking to me. Wait… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/23 "2023-04-24T18:40:04Z")
I don’t think it’s crazy to expect someone who wants you to do something to say “I want you to do this thing, please.” ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/24 "2023-04-24T18:40:29Z")
Many people are bad at framing issues clearly for unfamiliar people. Not because they lack empathy or are self-centered, but simply because they are not good at analyzing what background knowledge and background assumptions are incorporated in their own thinking. You see this all the time in OPs on here that frustratingly turn out to have omitted key facts and assumptions that would certainly not be known or assumed by the reader. Good teachers, especially people who teach kids or experts who are good at teaching lay people about their field, do have this skill. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/25 "2023-04-24T18:44:25Z")
Oh I completely agree. It would make my life so much easier if people would just say what they want with no subtext. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/26 "2023-04-24T18:52:34Z")
I have to say the situation you described is just bizarre to me. I’ve worked any number of jobs and I’ve never seen that egregious passive-aggressive behavior. How does anything get done? ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/27 "2023-04-24T18:57:59Z")
I don’t know. This is why I get to work early and sit in my car and try to work up the courage to go inside 😩 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/28 "2023-04-24T19:04:03Z")
Jeez, that’s no way to live. Can you look into working somewhere else? Also maybe some sort of therapy/counseling to help you process human interaction. (I don’t know if such a thing exists. ) ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/29 "2023-04-24T19:10:55Z")
Being able to extract the subtext from people’s speech can be a useful skill, but there’s something to be said for explicitly asking what they mean. If you’re trying to figure out the hidden meaning in what someone says, you’re likely to end up reading things into it that aren’t there. I used to have a boss who’d never say anything negative. You were supposed to just know that if she hesitated and tilted her head just so, she didn’t like something, and if she expressed a vague preference for something, you were supposed to make getting it done a priority. I finally learned the code, but at least once a week I’d have to ask her point-blank what she was actually trying to tell me. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/30 "2023-04-24T19:24:19Z")
These people do exist, and drive me nuts. I really get along much better shooting straight and expecting others to shoot straight, and if they don’t do that, it’s on them. I’m not into guessing games. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/31 "2023-04-24T19:44:37Z")
It’s okay, when you are unsure, to ask, “do you need me to do something?” Especially if that’s often what the subtext is going to be, like at work. Women, especially, are prone to say things from which one is supposed to infer the meaning, because we are well-conditioned to never ask directly for what we want. Other women are usually better than men at understanding what is being implied. I’ve learned to be more direct with men. Works better. In fact it works better with women too. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/32 "2023-04-24T19:49:30Z")
From the OP, and additional follow-up posts by the OP, it appears that people are constantly asking how one feels about the work or assignment. I suspect that each one asking such a question has SOME unknown agenda in asking, and it’s not just casual work chit-chat. If it were me, I would attempt to hold my opinions closer to my vest, so to speak. If I were asked how I felt, I might reply, “Why do you ask?” and based on THEIR answer to that, I could deduce better if they following an agenda or just chatting. Their agendas could be varied: eliciting information about you that they can share as gossip in order to get one-up on you, or getting you to divulge something about someone else that they can use. Either way, by wary. If these people asking are not your supervisors, asking for legitimate work evaluation purposes, I would be reticent to engage deeply. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/33 "2023-04-24T20:00:23Z")
This sounds exhausting. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/34 "2023-04-24T20:09:49Z")
It’s absolutely exhausting. I say that to myself at least once a shift. I don’t mind hard work at all but the drama and trying to figure out what people want or mean is utterly exhausting and at least once a week I find myself in my car for my break, unable to eat my dinner because of the stress of it all. This nonsense goes on every single day. But I always just blame myself for not knowing how to navigate it all. Maybe the problem not just me but them also? They’re like a pack of vultures and anybody who leaves the room is instantly talked about so I know they’re talking about me as well. I’ve even heard them myself when they don’t know I’m right outside the room. Anyway now I’m just complaining about work so I’ll stop! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/35 "2023-04-24T20:29:47Z")
The problem is definitely them. That sounds like an incredibly toxic workplace. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/36 "2023-04-24T21:01:40Z")
People gonna yak. Stupid people gonna yak about the other people handiest to them. Which is their cow-orkers in a group work setting. It’s just yak. It means no more than the babbling of infants. The OP would do well to assign it no importance. Trying to make coherent sense out of a gaggle of whiny gossipers would tax a social genius. And with no disrespect to our OP, they’re not a social genius. You can’t change them. So change how you think about them. Their yak is simply the buzzing of insects. Insects that neither sting nor bite; they just buzz. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/37 "2023-04-24T21:07:52Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > And with no disrespect to our OP, they’re not a social genius No, sir, I most certainly am not! I’m going to try my best to take to heart the rest of your post because it is very good advice. I’m very glad I started my OP because it’s given me a new perspective on what’s happening at work. Knowing something and putting it to use are two different things however! ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/38 "2023-04-24T21:16:04Z")
Granted. But the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And even better to start walking in the right direction, not a wrong one. I’m happy that you’re happy that some of this has been of value to you. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2023, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/39 "2023-04-24T22:20:28Z")
I’m just suddenly very conscious about watching a capybera have a conversation with a parakeet, then a cat and some sort of frog thing (?) jump in, then somebody starts talking about yaks and the orkers of cows. (Says the hardened remains of a long-dead arthropod.) ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2023, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063/40 "2023-04-25T06:40:55Z")
A friend once described it as taking a course in French and the final exam is in German. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstandings-based-on-your-own-perceptions-long-and-rambling/983063.md?page=3)