# Misunderstood Headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 9, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563 "2005-04-09T15:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/1 "2005-04-09T15:21:25Z")
In today’s paper: “Scientists again protest bill on ancient skeleton” I said to my husband, “I thought it would be about another dinosaur-bird fossil.” He said, “I thought it was about the cost of a fossil.” It was really about legislation to allow tribes to claim ancient human remains. So, that is my favorite since last week’s “Death sentence tossed over Bible” Do you have any to share? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/2 "2005-04-09T17:25:47Z")
“Heidi Klum to Wed Seal.” Ork orr orr orr ork orr! ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/3 "2005-04-09T18:03:58Z")
From the local paper several years ago, but I still laugh about it: “Cops Forced to Shoot Man with Knife” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/4 "2005-04-09T19:05:32Z")
I remember one from a loooong time ago, so I know it’s not word for word, but I believe the article was something about a rape case or some sort of scandel on a navy ship where the female ended up pregnant, anyways, the headline was something to the extent of “Seamen Belived Responsible For Pregnancy.” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/5 "2005-04-09T19:22:44Z")
‘Police Say Bullets Dangerous’. From the local paper yeeeeeeeeeears ago. First reaction: ‘Well…duh.’ Reading the story, it turned out there was a particular type of bullet that the cops’ body armour wasn’t stopping very well, but it was a bit of a doubletake. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/6 "2005-04-09T19:41:10Z")
**"Pope’s Body Seen At Viewing"** No _shit_? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/7 "2005-04-09T19:48:45Z")
Similar…does anyone remember the “Little Rascals” episode where the kids had signs reading "Man Eating Chicken? Eventually you see a man sitting on a stool eating fried chicken. I still love that one. ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/8 "2005-04-10T07:17:06Z")
This is supposed to date from WW1 “French Push Bottles Up Germans” ---
**Author:** ![6\_6\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e0b2c6/32.png) [@6\_6\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6_6_6)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/9 "2005-04-10T07:50:01Z")
I once read “Badgers are generally spotted after dusk”. Well, it makes a change from those stripey-faces, I thought. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/10 "2005-04-10T14:54:16Z")
**"Pope to get more jet fighters"** (Pope Air Force Base in Goldsboro, NC) ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/11 "2005-04-10T18:08:15Z")
My favorite item of this nature is not actually a headline, but a typesetting instruction that mistakenly ran as a headline. The Bloomington, Illinois, _Daily Pantagraph_ (which has to have one of the great newspaper names of all time) was running low on space one night and decided to cut most of the birth announcements. Unfortunately, the typesetter was asleep at the switch and set the instruction into type as a header. The next morning’s birth announcements began: **KILL ALL PREVIOUS BABIES** ---
**Author:** ![Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lathe_of_Heaven)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/12 "2005-04-10T19:14:58Z")
I used to live in Davis, Calif., where the local high school’s sports teams are called the Blue Devils. This once led to the immortal headline DEVIL GIRLS THRASH WOODLAND Huh huh… _cool._ ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/13 "2005-04-10T19:19:45Z")
From the _Financial Times_: **Hedge funds giant EMU gamble.** ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/14 "2005-04-10T19:51:30Z")
A great misspelling on our front page above the fold here, when that scandal with the Georgia funeral home with all the bodies out back broke, something like “Grizzly Find at Georgia Funeral Home”. Sounded like a _much_ more exciting story. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/15 "2005-04-10T22:45:54Z")
Today on the NY Times is the headline, “Officials Say Sixth Graders Counterfeited”. All I could think was that a school had sent a bunch of ninth graders in to take sixth grade standardized tests or something. Turns out the sixth graders were counterfeiting dollar bills to use in the cafeteria. Hey, news guys, if you’re going to use a transitive verb, how about sticking an object in there? ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/16 "2005-04-11T04:21:42Z")
> [@Rayne Man](#): > > This is supposed to date from WW1 “French Push Bottles Up Germans” WWII, actually: Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans another one from WWII: MacArthur Flies Back To Front ---
**Author:** ![Dinaroozie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Dinaroozie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinaroozie)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/17 "2005-04-11T08:11:48Z")
“Man found guilty in violin case” “Jury tries shooting defendant” “Two Russian ships collide; one dies” And, my personal favourite: “Incest more common than thought in the US” I don’t know where these came from, though, so they might not be legit. ~ Isaac ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/18 "2005-04-11T08:43:08Z")
Not realy a misleading headline but an illustration of the British mindset years ago. “Fog in English Channel , Continent Cut Off” ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/19 "2005-04-11T08:46:19Z")
> [@Dinaroozie](#): > > I don’t know where these came from, though, so they might not be legit. > > ~ Isaac These are some of my favourites, too, they are ages old, whatever they are. My father had a bunch of them on an old disk he bought back in '92 or '93, and would (_try_ to) read them aloud to me and my younger brother. We would sit there, gasping with laughter, with tears running down our cheeks in utter glee. I’ll see if I can find them around somewhere, they shouldn’t be too hard to find… Off the top of my head, my favourites from that one: Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents (How do _you_ like it?) Eye Drops Off Shelf (er… ow?) Babies Are What The Mother Eats (geeeeze! Bad hamsters!) Woman Off To Jail For Sex With Boys (that’ll teach her) Include Your Children When Baking Cookies (mmm… toddlericious) Miners Refuse To Work After Death (damn straight) Prostitutes Appeal To Pope (is there anyone they _don’t_ appeal to?) Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant (nothing else worked?) Two Convicts Evade Noose; Jury Hung (gotta hang somebody, I guess) Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder (this one stands on it’s own for me… I’m laughing too hard to see) And, after a quick Google, [here](http://www.professorcornbread.com/humor/jokes/headline.php) are some of them. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/20 "2005-04-11T11:19:40Z")
> [@Ignatz](#): > > (Pope Air Force Base in Goldsboro, NC) Psst. Pope’s in Fayetteville. Seymour-Johnson AFB is in Goldsboro. But you’d think there have to be some good headlines from the old News-Argus over the years, with a name like “Seymour Johnson” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563.md?page=2)