# Misunderstood Headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 9, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563 "2005-04-09T15:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/21 "2005-04-11T11:36:56Z")
Tsunami - 100,000 dead - expected to rise ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/22 "2005-04-11T11:55:24Z")
Back in the 60’s, UNC-Chapel Hill had a basketball player with the last name Peters. He was injured and unable to play. So the school paper ran the headline: “Team To Play Without Peters” This made a few people giggle. So the paper changed the headline to: “Team Plays With Peters Out” In case you’re not from Dixie, “Peter” is slang for penis. How about: “Crowds Rushing To See Pope Trample Six To Death” That one is years old and not related to recent events. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/23 "2005-04-11T12:44:26Z")
My favorite one that went unreported elsewhere was a report on a visit by Leo Buscaglia: **Love Doctor Turns On Crowd** Yeah – you gotta watch out for those Love Doctors. They can turn on you without warning. There are plenty of books of such headline bloopers – I have a collection of them. Jay Leno put out several (in addition to the ones broadcast on the Tonight Show, and on his web site). Natiional Lampoon put out several, and I saw a British edition entitled **The Bumper Book of Boobs** , the title of which is itself confusing to a Yank. (“Boob” here means a “blooper”, not anything anatomical). This last one contains what is probably the all-time most outrageous blooper or boob, in which they apparently substituted an “f” for the last “r” in: **Rugby Team Forgets how to _R_uck** The overall best collections, though, are the two gfrom the Columbia Journalism Review. They’re entitled **Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim** and **Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge**. They’re the only collections without commentaries, because they don’t need them. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/24 "2005-04-11T13:28:47Z")
In the Arab News last week or so was the story of an insane man who took off all his clothes and ran down a busy street when the police came. **Nut Strips and Bolts** When the space shuttle blew up over Palestine, Texas the headline was: **Explosion Over Palestine** ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/25 "2005-04-11T16:04:39Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > Psst. Pope’s in Fayetteville. Seymour-Johnson AFB is in Goldsboro. > > But you’d think there have to be some good headlines from the old News-Argus over the years, with a name like “Seymour Johnson” [Ignatz has a thing for misplacing Pope.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6012793&postcount=36) 😉 I mentioned in that thread that trying to convince people you really _were_ born at “Seymour Johnson” is not so easy. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/26 "2005-04-11T18:04:02Z")
You were born at Seymour Johnson? I was born at Fort Dix! There’s gotta be a joke in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/27 "2005-04-11T19:45:23Z")
> [@Ignatz](#): > > “Pope to get more jet fighters” OK, but Uncle Joe still wants to know how many divisions he has. ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/28 "2005-04-11T19:59:12Z")
Bwahahaha, I’m cackling loudly at some of these. I’m from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, and our newspaper, the Cape Breton Post, is notorious for typos, errors, and sometimes even just not finishing an article (you’re reading and you reach the end of a column midsentence, you move to the next column to finish the article and it’s just NOT THERE, and it’s nowhere else in the paper!). Our AHL team, back when we had one, was the Cape Breton Oilers. This first one wasn’t a typo, but a result of an unusual last name. **Satan Leads Oilers To Victory**. I was young and very amused. My dad told me his name was pronounced differently, but it still looked strange in print! Then, when the Oilers were leaving Cape Breton, there was a petition circulated to keep them. It was reprinted in the Post, hand-written. Someone had written “Fuck the Oilers” - they failed to notice this, and printed it. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/29 "2005-04-11T21:12:45Z")
My friend, the copy desk editor, just groaned when I pointed out this typo: _Muslims Prey on Friday_ ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/30 "2005-04-11T21:20:55Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > You were born at Seymour Johnson? I was born at Fort Dix! > > There’s gotta be a joke in there somewhere. Yep. Lived in Goldsboro for a while in the early 90s, and my dad still lives there. Are you in the area? I wonder how far back “Johnson” as a euphemism dates? Now I have to go look up the history behind the name “Seymour Johnson”… ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/31 "2005-04-11T21:41:17Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Yep. Lived in Goldsboro for a while in the early 90s, and my dad still lives there. Are you in the area? Not any more…I lived there early 90s also (well, 89 - 94ish). My parents still live in the area though, so I try to make it back at least once a year. I live in New Hampshire now. Sometimes I buy Mt. Olive pickles for that little taste o’ home 😉 ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/32 "2005-04-11T22:43:34Z")
Off [CNN.com](http://CNN.com): “Man in black detained at U.S. Capitol” My God! Johnny Cash is back from the dead to drag Delay back! (Who was it that came up with the R-Undead joke?) ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/33 "2005-04-12T01:22:54Z")
I’m breaking the rules here, because this isn’t a headline. This is something I heard a sportscaster say (he was narrating a highlight package). (Also, I forget the name of the player involved, so I will just call him Jones). “Jones injured his ankle on this play. It was later changed to a knee.” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/34 "2005-04-12T02:17:16Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > My favorite item of this nature is not actually a headline, but a typesetting instruction that mistakenly ran as a headline. The Bloomington, Illinois, _Daily Pantagraph_ (which has to have one of the great newspaper names of all time) was running low on space one night and decided to cut most of the birth announcements. Unfortunately, the typesetter was asleep at the switch and set the instruction into type as a header. The next morning’s birth announcements began: > **KILL ALL PREVIOUS BABIES** Something like this actually happened to me, back in the days when I was a typesetter. I received an untitled manuscript for an article in a medical journal, and it was standard procedure to type “Head to Come” until the author provided a title. Well, you guessed it, the article was printed with “Head to Come” as its title. The article, by the way, was about the medical consequences of oral sex. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/35 "2005-04-12T03:54:05Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > In the Arab News last week or so was the story of an insane man who took off all his clothes and ran down a busy street when the police came. > **Nut Strips and Bolts** Presumably inspired by the old (and apocryphal) head to a story about a madman who raped a washerwoman and fled the scene: **Nut Screws Washer, Bolts** ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/36 "2005-04-12T11:24:24Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > I’m breaking the rules here, because this isn’t a headline. This is something I heard a sportscaster say (he was narrating a highlight package). (Also, I forget the name of the player involved, so I will just call him Jones). > > “Jones injured his ankle on this play. It was later changed to a knee.” And what about the cricket match where the English basman Peter Willey faced West Indian bowler Michael Holding. Commentator Brian Johnston announced to the public: “The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey” ---
**Author:** ![WotNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@WotNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WotNot)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/37 "2005-04-12T15:27:00Z")
The _Fortean Times_ runs a collection of these each month. Here are a few from back issues I have to hand: DEATH RULED ‘UNAVOIDABLE’ (_Seattle Times,_ 9 July 1997) EXPERT ‘HAS BRAINS OF BSE CHICKEN’ (BBC Ceefax, 5 Feb 1997) GIANT TEA BAGS PROTEST (_Guardian,_ 28 June 1996) PHYSICIST RECOMMENDS BIGGER BALLS TO SLOW DOWN MALE TENNIS PLAYERS (_Guardian,_ 18 Feb 1995) IRISH PEAT BOGS ROCKED BY GREAT SHEEP EXPLOSION (_Independent,_ 13 July 1995) BULGE IN TROUSERS WAS ECSTASY (_Luton on Sunday,_ 13 Sept 1995) VAGINA MASSAGE MAN GETS THUMBS UP (_Adelaide Advertiser,_ 1989) DRUG DEALERS ‘DEALT HEAVY BLOW’ SAY POLICE (_Irish News,_ late 1995) ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/38 "2005-04-12T15:32:53Z")
“President swears in his cabinet.” ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/39 "2005-04-12T17:16:01Z")
Here’s a headline that ran in our local paper about a week ago: _Ordaining Gay Rabbis is Examined_ Here’s how I read it: _Ordering Gay Rabbits is Examined_ :dubious: It was early on a Sunday morning, whaddaya want? ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/40 "2005-04-12T21:39:37Z")
One guy says to tuther, “The most expensive lay in the world is Virginia Pipaleeni.” “How so,” sez tuther. “Well, it’s right in this newspaper.” Whose headline read I MILLION TO LAY VIRGINIA PIPELINE. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563.md?page=3)