# Misunderstood Headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 9, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563 "2005-04-09T15:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/41 "2005-04-19T00:59:59Z")
I never thought I’d have a contribution for this thread, although I have loved reading it!! But today I saw something to add from the SCTLA Eclips: TX Jurors May Be Given An Alternative to the Death Penalty And you thought Texas only gave \*defendants \* the death penalty!! ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/42 "2005-04-19T03:47:50Z")
_Missing Painting Found By Tree_ is one I heard which gave me a laugh. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/43 "2019-06-18T11:09:14Z")
Though it might be worth resurrecting this thread having just read the following headline in today’s Times (UK) > [@](#): > > Hospitals named after sandwiches kill five Not really concentrating, my initial thought was “Are there really **any** hospitals in the UK named after sandwiches?” Realised, of course, that there should have been a mental pause after the word “named”. Anybody have any fresh ones? ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/44 "2019-06-18T14:00:57Z")
I saw a photo of the newspaper, not the paper itself, but after Hurricane Mike passed over the Virgin Islands many years ago now, the headline read “Mike Ravages Virgins.” Wish I’d saved the damn photo, as I know a Mike or two. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/45 "2019-06-18T16:40:50Z")
_Beer Company Seeks to Broaden Base of Beer Drinkers._ It certainly worked with me. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/46 "2019-06-18T17:33:00Z")
This phenomenon is called a “crash blossom” - lots of examples are here [Language Log » Crash blossoms](https://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?cat=118) ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/47 "2019-06-18T18:07:25Z")
Years ago (years & years & years), I read a book by the Midwestern author and humorist H.Allen Smith. In it he told of a headline writer on a local paper who seriously embarrassed herself by writing a headline about a local couple’s honeymoon trip. It went; “COCKBURNS OFF ON WEDDING TRIP” Took her quite a while to live that one down. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/48 "2019-06-18T18:20:22Z")
Not a headline I’d seen myself, but I’d heard of one called **"Man Killed to Death"** ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/49 "2019-06-18T18:32:33Z")
The World War 1 headline referred to above is apocryphal, but reads in full: ‘ **French push bottles up German rear** ’ :eek: There was an English politician called Michael Foot. if he had been put in charge of the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO), the headline would be: ‘ **Foot heads arms body** ’ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/50 "2019-06-18T18:36:08Z")
Just a few weeks ago a headline here read [Doctor who lost licence for having sex with patients now a ‘health coach’ on YouTube looking for clients](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/sask-doctor-lost-licence-now-a-health-coach-1.5158520). I didn’t even know you could get a licence for having sex with patients, and what does the Doctor need with a youtube channel when he has an entire long-running tv show? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/51 "2019-06-18T18:43:51Z")
> [@glee](#): > > The World War 1 headline referred to above is apocryphal, but reads in full: > > ‘ **French push bottles up German rear** ’ :eek: > > 😃 One _Real_ headline that appeared in one of those Columbia Journalism Review books I cited above (in the distant past) was from the time of the Falkland War: **British Left Waffles on Falklands** Besides the Columbia Journalism Review books, Jay Leno put out about half a dozen collections of headlines, and there are some books from National Lampoon of mainly headlines. [https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Jay+Leno+Headlines&i=stripbooks&ref=nb\_sb\_noss\_2](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Jay+Leno+Headlines&i=stripbooks&ref=nb_sb_noss_2) [https://www.amazon.com/s?k=National+Lampoon+True+Facts&i=stripbooks&ref=nb\_sb\_noss](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=National+Lampoon+True+Facts&i=stripbooks&ref=nb_sb_noss) If you like these sorts of things, go to the Newseum in Washington DC\*. They put up several of these headline goofs in the rest rooms. [https://www.google.com/search?q=Newseum+"restrooms"+Headlines&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjF0aiw2PPiAhUNKKwKHcatCb8QsAR6BAgFEAE&biw=1440&bih=680](https://www.google.com/search?q=Newseum+%22restrooms%22+Headlines&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjF0aiw2PPiAhUNKKwKHcatCb8QsAR6BAgFEAE&biw=1440&bih=680) \*while it’s still opening. It’s slated to close for good in January of 2020 ---
**Author:** ![ricksummon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ricksummon/32/3333_2.png) [@ricksummon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricksummon)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/52 "2019-06-18T19:33:23Z")
> [@buns3000](#): > > _Missing Painting Found By Tree_ is one I heard which gave me a laugh. **Rocket:** Hey, Groot here found this painting of yours and he wants to know if there’s a reward. **Groot:** I am Groot! **Rocket:** OK, **I** wanna know if there’s a reward, 'cause if not, this painting’s probably worth something. **Groot:** I am Groot! **Rocket:** How can it be _stealing_ if you _found_ it? Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/53 "2019-06-18T21:18:32Z")
This thread reminded me not of ambiguous headlines, but of a garbled story. It was about some hobbyist achievement by a group of older men but the article turned into repetitive gibberish and at the end blended into a sports article. I think it was in a UK newspaper. It was breathtakingly funny. Any help? While searching for it I saw some good thread-relevant headlines, such as “[Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleges of Sexism](https://www.buzznick.com/funny-newspaper-headlines/)” and “[Student excited dad got head job](https://teamjimmyjoe.com/2014/07/31-epic-newspaper-fails/2/)” and mangled headlines such as " “[Jets Patriots jumphead goes herey barllskdjf fkdasd fg asdf](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1ayuui/and_the_worlds_greatest_typo_goes_to_fixed/)” and “[words in here ghghg hg hgh ghg hgh ghg](https://www.reddit.com/r/NotMyJob/comments/abgfc9/words_in_here_ghghg_hg_hgh_ghg_hgh_ghg/)” (above another article “words words words.”) ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/54 "2019-06-18T21:24:46Z")
Probably [this](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20113479#post20113479) about the Queen’s Jubilee committee which is indeed hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563/55 "2019-06-18T21:36:53Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Probably [this](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20113479#post20113479) about the Queen’s Jubilee committee which is indeed hilarious. Yep, that’s it. I spent probably an hour today trying to google that up again. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/misunderstood-headlines/298563.md?page=2)