# Mixed gender room mates. What do you think? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2016, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941 "2016-02-02T11:48:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/21 "2016-02-02T17:16:25Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > If its a group, then ok, maybe. If its a case of one man one woman; bad idea. No, it’s not. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/22 "2016-02-02T18:01:00Z")
If you’re in an emotional relationship with somebody it generally leads to a domestic relationship. So it’s not unreasonable for some people to be in a domestic relationship and feel it is developing into an emotional relationship. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/23 "2016-02-02T18:08:14Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If you’re in an emotional relationship with somebody it generally leads to a domestic relationship. So it’s not unreasonable for some people to be in a domestic relationship and feel it is developing into an emotional relationship. Here’s my problem. I am not a cooter hound by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve passed up on many sexy time opportunities. God knows how many I missed because of not reading any clues more subtle than “lets have sex”. So, I am NOT a guy on prowl. Have never been one. OTOH, if you are reasonably nice looking woman by my standards and preferences (probably about 25 percent of the population give or take) AND I get really familiar with you AND I like you…at some point sexy thoughts are going to start. I’d rather not start down that road if I can help it. I won’t judge you for your male/female roomate situation. Just don’t judge me if I think for me its not the preferred set up. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/24 "2016-02-02T18:34:39Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > \ Thinking back, I also loved in mixed gender dorms on college as well. \ Sorry sven, I had to laugh at this typo (at least, I assume it’s a typo!) ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/25 "2016-02-02T19:04:56Z")
I’ve had a male roommate for the last 2 1/2 years. I decided I needed a roommate because I travel quite a bit for work and have 3 dogs. It was getting expensive hiring help to walk and feed them, and the last person I had I suspected had taken some items from my home. I didn’t intend to have a male roommate, but of the folks who answered my ad, he was the best fit. We are not buddies, our families don’t mix, but we get along well and agree on anything major that has come along. Even our dogs get along (he has one, I have three). We occasionally watch a ball game together or share a pizza, but otherwise there’s very little interaction. It’s been great for me. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/26 "2016-02-02T19:31:55Z")
Aren’t most college dorms have mixed halls now? Mine had mixed rooms, if you wanted one. I lived in a 2br apartment with a woman for a few years. It was fine. The only thing I didn’t like was that I like to take my pants off soon as I get home, and she strongly preferred pants-on Ruken in the common areas. Given that she was saving me a ton in rent, I acquiesced. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/27 "2016-02-02T20:03:33Z")
I don’t really get what the big deal is supposed to be. It’s quite possible for people to live near each other without banging, and typically if you don’t start off attracted, living in close proximity will actually make you less attracted, since you’re seeing the pre coffee/makeup/shower/shave/etc version of the person. I am a bit out of the norm since most of the women and a large chunk of the men that I hang out with regularly are some flavor of queer or flexible, so it’s not really possible for them to find a roomate who doesn’t fit a gender they’re attracted to anyway. > [@billfish678](#): > > OTOH, if you are reasonably nice looking woman by my standards and preferences (probably about 25 percent of the population give or take) AND I get really familiar with you AND I like you…at some point sexy thoughts are going to start. And…? I guess this is what I don’t get about people’s problem in this situation. You state that you might have sexy thoughts about a person that you’re not going to have sex with like it’s some kind of major issue, and not just a normal, everyday part of life. I have sexy thoughts about a lot of women that I meet, but it doesn’t actually pose a problem, and I’m not sure why it’s supposed to be bad. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/28 "2016-02-02T20:22:30Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > And…? I guess this is what I don’t get about people’s problem in this situation. You state that you might have sexy thoughts about a person that you’re not going to have sex with like it’s some kind of major issue, and not just a normal, everyday part of life. I have sexy thoughts about a lot of women that I meet, but it doesn’t actually pose a problem, and I’m not sure why it’s supposed to be bad. That exactly. Most of my living situations have been coed, with many different roommates. One time, the roommate and I ended up hooking up after she broke off her engagement. Since the engagement was with another housemate, who’d been in the house much longer than me, that probably wasn’t my wisest moment. (Also foolish for a variety of other reasons, but I figure everyone ought to have at least one relationship that they regret). One time, a housemate and I had pretty strong chemistry, and it’s likely something would have developed between us had she not had a long-distance boyfriend; but I had some pretty strict boundaries, so the attraction that I’m pretty sure was mutual between us (note that I pretty much never say that, this isn’t some sort of brag) never turned into anything else, and we were great roommates. Most of the time when I had a female roommate, there was nothing there. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/29 "2016-02-02T20:22:56Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > So I advertised the room and was surprised so many women showed interest. I asked them why they would want a man for a roommate and often they would say they grew up with lots of brothers or they just felt more comfortable around men. Some actually said flat out they kept having problems with other women getting to personal or wanting to share clothes and such. > > I turned down several, not because I was sexist, but because I knew I would have trouble not becoming emotionally attached and would have trouble asking for rent or potentially asking them to leave. Clearly you should pretend to be gay. In fact, that gives me an idea for a televised comedy based around such an absurd yet suggestive premise. But what to call it? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/30 "2016-02-02T21:14:51Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Clearly you should pretend to be gay. In fact, that gives me an idea for a televised comedy based around such an absurd yet suggestive premise. But what to call it? _Man About the House_? ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/31 "2016-02-02T21:25:45Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Clearly you should pretend to be gay. In fact, that gives me an idea for a televised comedy based around such an absurd yet suggestive premise. But what to call it? Maybe if they all worked for a landscaping business, it could be “The Tree Company”? Something close to that. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/32 "2016-02-02T21:30:07Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Maybe if they all worked for a landscaping business, it could be “The Tree Company”? Something close to that. And the seedy landlord could be named something like “Mr. Groper”. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/33 "2016-02-02T21:42:34Z")
> [@GreenElf](#): > > And the seedy landlord could be named something like “Mr. Groper”. No no no…Creeping Charlie…wait that should be the neighbor/friend that isn’t the landlord. Seedy (heh) And you don’t even wanna know about Kudzu the crack dealer. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/34 "2016-02-02T21:46:39Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Maybe if they all worked for a landscaping business, it could be “The Tree Company”? Something close to that. No no no, it should be called “The Andy Griffith Show,” and star the late Andy Griffith. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2016, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/35 "2016-02-03T00:04:45Z")
My female landlord/roomie experiences have tended to be negative. I can’t paint with a broad brush, this is just anecdotal… but the women I’ve lived with have been more territorial, argued more over cleaning duties, gotten defensive when I adjusted the thermostat, made parking an issue, complained when I wanted to have a friend over… etc. The guys I’ve lived with have very laid-back in comparison. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2016, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/36 "2016-02-03T00:19:31Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > You state that you might have sexy thoughts about a person that you’re not going to have sex with like it’s some kind of major issue, and not just a normal, everyday part of life. I have sexy thoughts about a lot of women that I meet, but it doesn’t actually pose a problem, and I’m not sure why it’s supposed to be bad. I generally agree, but if I were having persistent, intense sexual thoughts about a certain person, I would find it very unpleasant to _live_ with that person. Now, it’s not as though I would be bound to develop such feelings about any woman I lived with, but it could happen. Whereas the chance of my feeling that way about a man is extremely remote. (I have only felt briefly attracted to a couple of men in my whole life.) So I think I would prefer not to have a woman for a roommate, or at least not a woman I found physically attractive. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2016, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/37 "2016-02-03T00:25:12Z")
It amuses me that this is even a question. Back in the dinosaur age I had two male roommates and it was simply a non-issue. The only way it might have mattered is that one of my roommates had a girlfriend that I really liked, so it was like “instant extra friend”, which was rather pleasant. But that could happen with roommates of any gender. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2016, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/38 "2016-02-03T00:56:48Z")
I’ve shared with all sorts of people, of every gender and sexual orientation, of many races and cultures. They’re just people, you either get along with them or you don’t. I like the variety, just for the sake of making conversations interesting. Having said that, I prefer to live alone. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2016, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/39 "2016-02-03T01:28:02Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > I had roommates of both genders, never had any of these problems. Same here. In college, I had one living situation which was two men, two women; another was me and two women (actually, three different women, but one of them rotated out at the end of the year when she graduated.) It wasn’t an issue and, honestly, I kind of prefer living with women, although I’ve had good luck with both genders and never had any major roommate problems. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2016, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941/40 "2016-02-03T05:33:37Z")
One issue I had as the landlord was my male tenant/housemates would be their girlfriends basically moving in. I was ok with them being there once in a while but when they practically move in and use my laundry and when they park themselves on my couch and take over the kitchen and all - hell no. He got pissed at me and left when I told him he would have to pay extra rent for her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mixed-gender-room-mates-what-do-you-think/744941.md?page=3)