# MLB - Obscene last names **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277 "2005-07-26T19:29:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/21 "2005-07-27T12:37:57Z")
No!!! seen GAR, dammit. ¡Cojone! ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/22 "2005-07-27T12:44:11Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Yep. You don’t want to know how I learned that. > > Does it have to be sports figures? I had a student whose name was pronounced exactly like the word fuck. He went by Samuel instead, for some reason… He qualifies. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/23 "2005-07-27T12:52:19Z")
How could I let a thread like this go by without mentioning Dick Butkus? ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/24 "2005-07-27T19:31:13Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > How could I let a thread like this go by without mentioning Dick Butkus? Or Dick Pole? ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/25 "2005-07-27T20:32:50Z")
I once knew a woman named Charlotte Reeks. I often wanted to write lyrics for a lugubriously optimistic song that opened with something like… I may be poor as a sharecropper, And ugly as sin, But Charlotte Reeks. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/26 "2005-07-27T20:44:28Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > Or Dick Pole? Or Dickie Thon, whose name sounds like an event in the sexual olympics. ---
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/27 "2005-07-27T20:49:09Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > You don’t have to speak Spanish to appreciate the most wonderfully hilarious baseball name ever: > > Rusty Kuntz! Well, I watch Pirates broadcasts when I can get my hands on some Dramamine first, and sadly they go well out of their way to pronounce it Coonts…a tremendous shame because it might actually make the games worth watching. Here’s his Pirates bio…notice the pronunciation yet again: [http://pittsburgh.pirates.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/team/coach\_staff\_bio.jsp?c\_id=pit&coachorstaffid=413103184725](http://pittsburgh.pirates.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/team/coach_staff_bio.jsp?c_id=pit&coachorstaffid=413103184725) ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/28 "2005-07-27T21:05:44Z")
> [@beergeek279](#): > > Well, I watch Pirates broadcasts when I can get my hands on some Dramamine first, and sadly they go well out of their way to pronounce it Coonts…a tremendous shame because it might actually make the games worth watching. > > Here’s his Pirates bio…notice the pronunciation yet again: > [http://pittsburgh.pirates.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/team/coach\_staff\_bio.jsp?c\_id=pit&coachorstaffid=413103184725](http://pittsburgh.pirates.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/team/coach_staff_bio.jsp?c_id=pit&coachorstaffid=413103184725) His wife’s name is Salli. Terribly innocuous. If I had a girlfrend named Kuntz and could give her her first name, I might consider **Silky**. How about you. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/29 "2005-07-27T21:08:22Z")
Not a sports reference but I went to school with a kid whose last name was Golightly Always made me giggle ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/30 "2005-07-27T21:09:27Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > I know a five-year-old who thinks the name Pujols is hilarious. I have 26 year old husband who giggles at Pujols. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/31 "2005-07-27T21:12:11Z")
Oh yea my last name means bitch in Punjab. I always thought it was appropriate 😃 ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/32 "2005-07-27T21:59:52Z")
> [@PittChemist](#): > > Probably a bunch, since they were 2/3rds of the Cleveland Indians outfield for a good bit of time. Bradley and Crisp were on the Indians together for portions of 2002 and 2003, though Crisp wasn’t a starter most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/33 "2005-07-28T02:14:01Z")
> [@mr bus guy](#): > > My dream matchup would have Bartolo Colon pitching to Pujols. “And Pujols goes deep off Colon!” ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/34 "2005-07-28T04:03:04Z")
> [@E = mc²](#): > > A Cuban in GTMO give me the infinitive and he spelled it out as Cingar but pronounced it as SEEN gar (ess sound on the cee). > > His name was Noahcito Websterito. > > (But he might have been a little chitfaced at the time.) Sorry for the hijack, but I gotta know-- was that a spanish-english dictionary? In spanish (mexican spanish) it’s a ch- sound. > [@E = mc²](#): > > ¡Cojone! I’m sorry to hear you have only one testicle, they make implants now, y’know. ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/35 "2005-07-28T13:51:18Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Sorry for the hijack, but I gotta know-- was that a spanish-english dictionary? In spanish (mexican spanish) it’s a ch- sound. > > The pronunciation might be dialectic. In Cuba, I heard it said with the ess and ch sounds, come to think of it. As an aside, when some of our girlfriends wanted to kid around, they’d pronounce yo as joe (more like a zho sound). As in “Zho te quiero.” > > And if you want to get someone off your back, just tell him, “¡No me joda, chico!” (“Don’t fuck around with me, sonny!” As if you didn’t know.) > > I’m sorry to hear you have only one testicle, they make implants now, y’know. Actually, the Cubans would use the singular as I did here. I never thought about it until you brought it up, but as I replay my 1950’s mentall tapes, that’s what they’d say. Not cojones but cojone. Sort of like our “Oh shit!” Could be they just dropped the ess, though. Now, **Ashes ashes** , can you dope out why some Cubans would often say to us swabbies, “Geev me **one** cigarette.” (Their emphasis) True. Tell me why. ---
**Author:** ![usar\_jag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f0a364/32.png) [@usar\_jag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usar_jag)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/36 "2005-07-28T14:53:29Z")
Who could forget the best named NFL player: Harry Colon! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/37 "2005-07-28T21:01:23Z")
How could we go 36 posts without mention of The Big Unit, Randy Johnson? Bonus points in the UK, randy = horny. ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/38 "2005-07-28T21:26:49Z")
> [@The Controvert](#): > > How could we go 36 posts without mention of The Big Unit, Randy Johnson? Bonus points in the UK, randy = horny. Here, too. randy Function: adjective Etymology: probably from obsolete rand to rant 1 chiefly Scottish : having a coarse manner 2 : LUSTFUL, LECHEROUS (Merriam-Webster’s caps, not mine.) ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/39 "2005-07-29T13:12:41Z")
So, did we decide that Don Blasingame was indded the name that could not be uttered by Spanish broadcasters, as proposed by the OP? No one seems to have come up with anything else, so far… ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277/40 "2005-07-29T16:12:13Z")
> [@Spiff](#): > > So, did we decide that Don Blasingame was indded the name that could not be uttered by Spanish broadcasters, as proposed by the OP? > > No one seems to have come up with anything else, so far… I would love to see someone come up with anything. The Spanish-speaking baseball announcers, come to think of it, could just Americanize the pronunciation of Blasingame and deal with it that way. Ah, but **Boyer**. 😃😃😃 I chuckle just thinking about how that would come across in a nice Mexican or Cuban home. The parents and kids sitting there in the living room, listening to the game when “Cunt takes it down the middle for strike.” Back in the 50’s… In GTMO city, in the town square right next to the Church, there’d always be a radio assault to the prayerful folk’s ears inside the Church. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mlb-obscene-last-names/314277.md?page=3)