# MMP: Ask CP **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [April 22, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371 "2013-04-22T02:33:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/121 "2013-04-23T12:54:29Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Dear CP, > > Why am I just now checking in to the MMP? How did I go about skipping it yesterday? > > Sincerely, > > **$2.99** I’m an Advice Columnist, not an accountant. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/122 "2013-04-23T12:55:37Z")
> [@Jynxster](#): > > Dear CP, > > Why did I do that? > > Sincerly, > Squicked Out Dear Squicked, You live in the fast lane. Regards, CP ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/123 "2013-04-23T12:56:00Z")
Dear CP, What the heck does that mean? I really need your advice! Why did I skip the MMP yesterday? It makes no sense! Sincerely, **$2.99** ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/124 "2013-04-23T12:56:45Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Dear CP, > > Why am I just now checking in to the MMP? How did I go about skipping it yesterday? > > Sincerely, > > **$2.99** > > P.S. I hope you all are doing great and I love you all as much as a breatharian loves secretly sneaking a bag of McDonald’s for lunch. In light of the fact the ad has been in at least 3 threads here, I have to ask: “You skipped your Plant?” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/125 "2013-04-23T12:59:59Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Dear CP, > > What is kosher mayonnaise and why is it viral? > > Signed, > > Afraid of viral mayo Dear Afraid, I Nice Jewish Girl like Rosie would only smear mayonnaise on her guests that was certified to be Kosher, (K) free of anything Jewish folks are not allowed to eat. However, mayonnaise is made from egg whites, which are used to grow various bacterial cultures for the pharmaceutical industry. Refrigerate yourself after opening. Regards, CP ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/126 "2013-04-23T13:00:55Z")
Happy Toosday! It’s 14 degrees above freezing, grey and dreary outside. As I look outside I see that the neighbor cuts his grass on the diagonal and the neighbor with all the cars just added a taxi cab to the mix. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/127 "2013-04-23T13:01:47Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Dear CP, > > What the heck does that mean? I really need your advice! Why did I skip the MMP yesterday? It makes no sense! > > Sincerely, > > **$2.99** Dear $2.99, I strongly suggest that you speak with your Clergyman, Physician or Accountant as soon as possible. Regards, CP ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/128 "2013-04-23T13:18:51Z")
> [@Jynxster](#): > > Must…not…click…link\*…\\* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! > > Dear CP, > > Why did I do that? > > Sincerly, > Squicked Out That didn’t even blip a squick; this on the other hand… > [@swampbear](#): > > Actually it’s my back hair that gets all feathery. 😛 **Mooommm** expects a minimum amount of TP on hand; however, **Swampy** requires a _maximum_ amount of brain bleach at all times! (OTOH, he is a bear after all ;)) ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/129 "2013-04-23T13:20:33Z")
Dear CP Blurf signed Blury Blurfington ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/130 "2013-04-23T13:22:37Z")
I am enough April Sunshine for every body 😃 ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/131 "2013-04-23T13:25:25Z")
Today is one of those days I just want to watch the world burn. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/132 "2013-04-23T13:38:29Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Today is one of those days I just want to watch the world burn. I strongly suggest that you speak with your Clergyman, Physician or Accountant as soon as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/133 "2013-04-23T13:55:40Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Today is one of those days I just want to watch the world burn. I have matches, lotsa matches Missed Monday cuz I was lurking and in pain, had a bicycle incident and now I have a giant bruise around my right kidney. So… Dear CP, Why did I do that to myself? Regards, **Jim the Destroyer of himself** ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/134 "2013-04-23T14:03:57Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > **Mooommm** expects a minimum amount of TP on hand; however, **Swampy** requires a _maximum_ amount of brain bleach at all times! > > (OTOH, he is a bear after all ;)) Nope - \*\*swampy \*\*is the one with the TP obsession. I do ensure that I always have an adequate supply on hand, but unlike some Mumpers, I consider toilet matters to be private and not fit to be shared in polite company. OK, yeah, this is the MMP and we don’t necessarily require polite, but someone has to class the place up! 😛 Woohoo! It’s back up to 46°!!! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/135 "2013-04-23T14:28:11Z")
> [@Capt\_Kirk](#): > > Dear CP, > > Why did I do that to myself? > > Regards, > > **Jim the Destroyer of himself** Dear Jim, I strongly suggest that you speak with your Clergyman, Physician or Attorney as soon as possible. Regards, CP ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/136 "2013-04-23T14:37:13Z")
Dear CP, I am thinking of driving 12 hours round trip on Thursday to hear a friend sing in Philadelphia who I will also be hearing again when she will be singing only one hour away. How crazy is this idea? Sincerely, Lincoln Highway Groupie ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/137 "2013-04-23T14:48:28Z")
Dear CP, When I link the Electro-Magneto-Positron to the Eclectically Recycling Decalibrator, it hums “Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair”, but in the wrong key. How can I modulate it to the key of D#? Urgently, Prof. Pepperwinkle ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/138 "2013-04-23T14:55:37Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Dear CP, > > When I link the Electro-Magneto-Positron to the Eclectically Recycling Decalibrator, it hums “Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair”, but in the wrong key. How can I modulate it to the key of D#? > > Urgently, > > Prof. Pepperwinkle Dear Prof., Adjust the resonant frequency of the Zilch coil to 311.127 Hz. Regards, CP ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/139 "2013-04-23T14:57:19Z")
> [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](#): > > Dear CP, > > I am thinking of driving 12 hours round trip on Thursday to hear a friend sing in Philadelphia who I will also be hearing again when she will be singing only one hour away. How crazy is this idea? > > Sincerely, > > Lincoln Highway Groupie Dear Lincoln, Isn’t there a Jazz club within walking distance? Musically yours, CP ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371/140 "2013-04-23T15:07:20Z")
To whom it may concern, What is that hot glowing thing up in the sky, and what has it done wth the clouds? Yours confusedly, Nuts I went shopping for fisheses today- the purty wrigglng kind, not the dinner kind. Hopefully, my tank should actually look half decent soon! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mmp-ask-cp/656371.md?page=8)