# Moderation of inappropriate sexual commentary **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [May 6, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626 "2013-05-06T15:55:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/201 "2013-05-06T22:08:06Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > \Everybody has had plenty of opportunities to vent their spleens on this topic and many took full advantage. \ No, we didn’t. I stumbled across the four-page thread after it was already closed after I saw some very weird mod notes, started my own because I didn’t know what the hell was going on here that was closed after a handful of replies, and any other attempts to discuss it were shut down. I’m here all the time - I can’t be the only person who didn’t realize a whole discussion was going on without me. Be that as it may, that ship has sailed now. I don’t think these new rules are going to work, because they’re too freaking complicated with far too much grey area, subjectivity, and room for rules-lawyering. I didn’t think we needed any more rules in this area anyway - I agree that the rules we already have cover these situations adequately. > [@magellan01](#): > > \ > So, while I think this board—and any adult board—would be better without “tits pics”, I think the moderators are way over reacting. We don’t need more super-subjective rules like this. \ Agreed. I think we do much better on vague, judgement-call things like this when the membership as a whole gently steer the ship in the direction of not being jerks to each other. If adolescent “tits or GTFO” type posts aren’t encouraged, perhaps they would decrease without the need for any hard and fast rules, sort of like our culture of using proper writing and grammar - if you want to L33t it up in here, you won’t feel welcome, so you’ll go find a board more to your liking. > [@Irishman](#): > > I think a decision for stricter enforcement without a guideline of interpretation leaves too much room for ambiguity - both in the enforcement side and the poster clarity of what is allowed. So I applaud the staff for attempting to structure a guideline on interpretation to allow some consistency in expectation.\ > I know, I’m throwing out hypotheticals and the mods really don’t want to get into those. But we have seen specific modding on specific incidents that has left posters confused, and those incidents have been back-justified against this new policy, but the justification does not seem to fit. Unless the new policy is going to be “Don’t inject comments about wanting to have sex,” then these situations will arise. So I think it important that the staff consider the responses to these situations. > > I’m certainly willing to consider the argument that these interjected comments create a atmosphere of hostility toward women, whether they are directed at board posters or directed at people in the media, groups of women as a whole, etc. But claims that posting comments on a message board equivalent to “I find that sexy” but in more graphic terms is equal to sexual assault or a call for sexual assault is not convincing, and only makes the claimant less credible and less persuasive. Extremist langauge does not get people to listen, it makes them shut you out unless they already share your extremist position. Very well said. > [@magellan01](#): > > Here’s an idea: if there are a sizable number of women who are offended by the sexual/sexist joking when it comes to serious discussions about breastfeeding, pregnancy, a glass ceiling, etc., why not just create a forum specifically for that. I mean, these are discussions that women have amongst themselves every day, not in mixed company so why not give them a place where they can discuss these things (more) openly without having to think about who else might be reading the thread. A Red Tent forum, if you will. (There’s probably a better name, but it was a good book.) I think that is a terrible idea. If I wanted to hang out on a women only board, I could go find one. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/202 "2013-05-06T22:13:11Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Really? If your group of smart friends is sitting around and a woman groans that her period cramps are hell on earth this time around, you guys respond by talking about how you’d like to earn your redwings? Winkwinkwink What makes you so sure that it wouldn’t happen? Seriously, if a friend in a group drops having serious constipation or diarrhoea into a not-private conversation, there will be a range of responses, but you can bet that outright mockery and poop or anal sex jokes are going to be among them. > [@](#): > > Of course not. Most adults can handle discussions about fundamental body functions with ease. And making lewd jokes _is_ one way, among others, that _adults_ handle discussions of otherwise personal or private body functions. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/203 "2013-05-06T22:13:34Z")
I don’t see what would be wrong with just adding a new forum for serious topics only. It needn’t be just for women. That’s no more “ghettoizing” it than having an elections forum. Of course, I don’t think it’s very wise to seek medical advice from an internet message board, but hey, I’m not most people. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/204 "2013-05-06T22:14:47Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > You could. But if you posted something along the lines of what we’ve been discussing, then you’d clearly be violating the “Don’t be a Jerk” rule and it would be easy for the Mods to police. i’d say that any male who posted in that thread would have to view his participation as unwanted, unless he was truly adding to the discussion in a positive way. If he felt the need to piss in there, he could just open a Pit Thread and do it there. If not, “Jerk” it is. What you’re describing sounds jerk-ish in the forums we already have. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/205 "2013-05-06T22:16:00Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I view these boards like a group of mixed company smart friends hanging out casually, having conversations, joking, whatever. In such a group, if one of the women inserted bras, or breasts, or douching, or sex, or bowel movements, or menses into the conversation, then it would be unsurprising for someone to come back with a lewd or sexually charged comment, because that’s what friends do. Correction: that’s what **your** friends do. That’s fine if you and your friends have that dynamic, but this isn’t your friend’s house. This is a messageboard where there is no such thing as freedom of speech. If I’m at a party at a friend’s house and he says he doesn’t want to hear my lewd jokes I’d be a jackass to pout and tell him “But I WANT to tell lewd jokes!” > [@Acsenray](#): > > If a woman wanted to have a serious, absolutely-no-lewd-ripostes conversation about topics like these, she wouldn’t just drop it in to this context—let’s call it the gang-at-the-pizzeria context. She would seek the refuge of a more private, or more subdued, or more serious context, and certainly not bring it up in front of everyone who happened to be there or who might drop in. > > I think that’s about the right description of what these boards are. The are not a completely “safe, private place” for people to disclose absolutely anything about themselves in expectation that everything will be treated with the utmost discretion. Really? Instead of expecting adults to be able to keep their fingers from typing lewd comments we should expect people who are having a serious conversation to go hide it so the people who can’t control themselves can’t see it? There are plenty of silly threads to be silly in. Hell there was a woman not long ago who made a thread with animated gifs of her jiggling boobs for everyone who wanted to play along. If there are people here who cannot for any reason keep themselves from doing all the things The Man™ is preventing them from doing in every.single.thread then why not make a “NSFW Boobiethon!” thread for everyone to play in if they absolutely need it? Most hosts of a party provide a toilet for their guests to use, you could have an ongoing LEWD COMMENTS THREAD OMGZ to serve as such a place so we don’t have to feel like we’re posting at a high school rave. So no, this is not a “public” messageboard in the sense that it belongs to the public. It can be read by the public, but it’s private and the rules are established by those it belongs to. Just like that mixed-group you’re envisioning, if it isn’t at your house you don’t get to decide how the party is laid out. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/206 "2013-05-06T22:16:25Z")
And I would repeat here, if this rule were applied only to situations in which the lewd remark was directed specifically at another poster on this board, I would be more comfortable with this outcome. Otherwise, this is just a nightmare. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/207 "2013-05-06T22:20:29Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I promise you don’t need to remind me of something I understood the first time. And I don’t think it was unreasonable to expect people to understand what I wrote. And even if they couldn’t understand it the first time, I did plenty more explaining. No divining necessary. So, objecting to the level of censorship that might be part and parcel to this new rule is off limits? Not part of the legitimate debate? If that is correct, then you need to Mod about half the posters in this thread and quick. If that is not correct, then is the problem simply using the word “disgusting” in this thread? And if that is, in fact, the case, what is so horrible about that word? Are there other words that you personally find so unsettling that you’d like to exorcise them from this discussion, as well? Just so I or other posters don’t get into trouble, can you let me know if any of these other words and phrases rise to the level of “disgusting” in your book: despicable sickening nauseating gut-wrenching vile revolting repugnant repellent yucky yecchy scuzzy scummy distasteful frightful ghastly hideous loathesome horrific monstrous ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/208 "2013-05-06T22:23:55Z")
**magellan01** , I’m getting very tired of you trying to do this in every thread. My original instruction was pretty clear, and **Red Barchetta** can speak for himself. He does not need your help. If you have nothing to contribute to this thread except this, you can stop now. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/209 "2013-05-06T22:24:00Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think that is a terrible idea. If I wanted to hang out on a women only board, I could go find one. In that case I modify my idea to delete the part that stated that it would be mandatory for all woman to post there and only there. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/210 "2013-05-06T22:25:16Z")
> [@Tequila\_Party](#): > > So, instead of expecting people to act like adults over this, we should all just give it up as lost? Melodrama aside, I was simply giving a counterpoint to **Dorkness** ’s notion that those who want to make off-color jokes should go find another place to do it. The SDMB has been around for a while—I’ve been here over 10 years, and “gross” humor (as **LHOD** chooses to call it) has been a part of the board the entire time. The campaign to fuzzily declare some of it off-limits, however, is a very recent development. It’s pure _chutzpah_ for the self-appointed reformers to advise longtime posters to seek out a board of their own. Put your tacky wallpaper up in your own space. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/211 "2013-05-06T22:26:57Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/212 "2013-05-06T22:27:25Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Correction: that’s what **your** friends do. Uh, yes, that’s the point. The people making sweeping generalizations about what kinds of behavior is appropriate are the ones who are making presumptions. > [@](#): > > This is a messageboard where there is no such thing as freedom of speech. I’m curious as to why you find it necessary to make this “Respect My Authoritah!” kind of remark. So far as I can tell no one here has questioned the right of the administration here to make rules. So, really, what this boils down to is— _A: I am not comfortable with this new rule._ _B: I have the power to make rules!_ So, really, a non sequitur. > [@](#): > > Really? Instead of expecting adults to be able to keep their fingers from typing lewd comments we should expect people who are having a serious conversation to go hide it so the people who can’t control themselves can’t see it? Let me tell you what, I don’t talk about my wee-wee and poopy problems in a _lot_ of places—not in front of my parents’ friends for example, or at work in front of my colleagues, or on the subway, or in a taxi, or in front of a live television camera. I don’t figure I have a reasonable expectation that those subjects are going to be treated with the utmost respect. > [@](#): > > There are plenty of silly threads to be silly in. I really don’t know what implication this is meant to have. But I’ll reiterate this. A thread about a Bottomless Protester With a Cross Shaved Into Her Pubic Hair _is_ a silly thread and a sexual one. It might also have some serious content. But it is also a silly, sexual thread. And this: A thread about a Tin-Pot Sorority Dictator Who Executes a Filthy Diatribe Exquisitely Laced With Multiple Forms of Profanity Laden With Suggestions of Female Sexual Submission for the Utmost of Petty Reasons is also a silly thread, and a sexual one. There might be a tiny quantum of serious content in there, but it is mostly a silly, sexual thread. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/213 "2013-05-06T22:28:20Z")
If I had intended to have a completely serious discussion about the “pantsless Pope,” I would have put it in Great Debates, not MPSIMS. I think the rules are a good start, but I still think the forum itself should be the deciding factor on whether or not a thread is “serious.” ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/214 "2013-05-06T22:28:52Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Yeah, and it’s also kind of gross. If you can’t think of a joke to make without being gross, try a different board. Even Unca Cecil? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/215 "2013-05-06T22:36:34Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > In that case I modify my idea to delete the part that stated that it would be mandatory for all woman to post there and only there. What I meant was, we don’t need an exclusive forum for women; there are other message boards that cater to women only - we don’t need to create a space like that here, in my opinion. Part of my lack of interest in the idea is that if we created a women only forum, we should also create a men only forum, and they both sound silly and unnecessarily restrictive to me. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/216 "2013-05-06T22:37:12Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > **magellan01** , I’m getting very tired of you trying to do this in every thread. My original instruction was pretty clear, and **Red Barchetta** can speak for himself. He does not need your help. If you have nothing to contribute to this thread except this, you can stop now. Are you of the opinion that I’ve contributed nothing to this thread than pointing out that I thought you were in error regarding something you wrote and asked you to clarify? Interesting. I simply and politely pointed out where I thought you made an error due to a misreading of a poster’s post. I don’t think you’ve answered it well, so I sought clarification. I’ll leave it at that. But just for the record, I was sticking up for the thought expressed in this wise post, as it applies to **Red Barchetta** and all other posters: > [@](#): > > Everybody who posts here is entitled to their opinion about what the board is and how it should work. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/217 "2013-05-06T22:42:06Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Really? If your group of smart friends is sitting around and a woman groans that her period cramps are hell on earth this time around, you guys respond by talking about how you’d like to earn your redwings? Winkwinkwink > [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Correction: that’s what **your** friends do. And I notice now that there are participants in the thread that keep redirecting the discussion to situations in which the poster, _personally_ is being subject to these kinds of comments. That’s not a valid analogy for either the Bottomless Poster thread or the Foul-Mouthed Sorority Rant thread. So, if we’re going to analogize this to a group of friends, then I’ll have to say that my analogy is even stronger. So the situation is lewd jokes made about _strangers in the news_ for doing ridiculous things. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/218 "2013-05-06T22:42:26Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Part of my lack of interest in the idea is that if we created a women only forum, we should also create a men only forum, and they both sound silly and unnecessarily restrictive to me. I actually agree with this completely, strangely enough. Plus, separate but equal ain’t equal and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/219 "2013-05-06T22:44:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > What I meant was, we don’t need an exclusive forum for women; there are other message boards that cater to women only - we don’t need to create a space like that here, in my opinion. > > Part of my lack of interest in the idea is that if we created a women only forum, we should also create a men only forum, and they both sound silly and unnecessarily restrictive to me. I also agree. The mods aren’t considering this. It makes no sense, doesn’t add anything, and as I said, it doesn’t address the problem people were talking about in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/220 "2013-05-06T22:44:43Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I actually agree with this completely, strangely enough. > > Plus, separate but equal ain’t equal and all that. But please, no unisex bathrooms. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626.md?page=12)