# Moderation of inappropriate sexual commentary **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [May 6, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626 "2013-05-06T15:55:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/41 "2013-05-06T17:07:38Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Using this logic, almost every political thread here would not exist. Neither would threads discussion personal medical issues–I can’t recall someone talking about their period out in public yet, yet that’s totally fine for a MB post (as it should be). Women talk about periods, bras, and breast cancer screenings in real, public life all the time. Douching, sex, birthing, and bowel movements, too. Perhaps they don’t talk about them _with you_, but I assure you, we all talk about these things. > [@Shodan](#): > > You mean “crude sexual comments on an anonymous messageboard that she will never read or hear about”. Righto, but you understand why that logic is particularly worrisome to many on the board, right? Granted, I doubt many of our posters are walking around pantsless with a crucifix Brazilian, but I think it’s reasonable to understand why the “she’s asking for the comments through her slutty behavior” stuff is going to be extrapolated out to the rest of our experiences. I once had someone tell me I was “asking for it”— I was 14 and “it” was a teacher trying to sexually assault me. My crime? Wearing a low cut shirt. Oh, and the person lecturing me? A school councilor. This attitude you’re displaying permeates far deeper into society than you think and that is why many of us would like to see it moderated when it can be. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/42 "2013-05-06T17:07:51Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Sure, let’s not try to fix it or make our experience better in any way, let’s just shut our ears and eyes and hope it never happens again. > > Anyway, I don’t _want_ to ignore those posters. Most of the times even the ones with the stupid sexist jokes are entertaining and fun in other places. That should be on you then. You shouldn’t be able to mold the forum into your personal paradise, but that’s exactly what’s happening. And it’s as disgusting as the behavior you wish to inhibit. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/43 "2013-05-06T17:08:33Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > So, because you’ve decided she’s attractive but stupid, you get to deem her a willing sex object? I mean, hell, that’s the definition of a bimbo. > > Here’s the thing: it’s perfectly fine to mock her political statement as stupid (I don’t have a dog in her political fight anyway- so I happen to agree it was stupid “speech”), but it’s a whole other situation to post repeatedly about sexual assault or whatever else just because she’s naked. Who said she’s attractive? I’ve never seen her face or any other body parts. But if she’s wandering around without pants and thinking that this protects her from being mocked for it, she’s wrong. Ditto with the male flasher at the Oscars–the more this kind of drivel is mocked, the less we’ll have of it. And a bimbo, to me at least, is a dumb woman who uses her sexuality to try to get stuff because she’s too dumb to do it any other way. Note that I called the oscar flasher guy a “himbo”. PS–please not that I’m on your side regarding “boobs? pix!” type jokes directed at other posters. Those are almost always out of line–but not pointing and laughing at a moron who tries to use her (or his) naughty part to try to make a complex political point? We disagree on that one. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/44 "2013-05-06T17:08:52Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Women talk about periods, bras, and breast cancer screenings in real, public life all the time. Douching, sex, birthing, and bowel movements, too. Perhaps they don’t talk about them _with you_, but I assure you, we all talk about these things. And guys make sex jokes all the time in real-life too, just not around you. So what was your point again? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/45 "2013-05-06T17:10:50Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > That should be on you then. You shouldn’t be able to mold the forum into your personal paradise, but that’s exactly what’s happening. And it’s as disgusting as the behavior you wish to inhibit. So you have put yourself in the position of defending your crude sexual jokes and comments against women, because that is a Right you must have. I have no further comment. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/46 "2013-05-06T17:14:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > So you have put yourself in the position of defending your crude sexual jokes and comments against women, because that is a Right you must have. And this is the point you, and others, have continually failed to grasp. I am not defending crude sexual jokes and comments against women–or men (something you omitted). And what the hell do you mean by **my** crude jokes? Please show me what crude jokes I have made–I don’t recall having made any, ever. What I am defending is the ability to say things. I am not a fan of censorship, and that’s exactly what’s happening here. Your post is offense, because apparently defending the ability to perform an action is not only an endorsement of those actions, but also means I’ve participated in those same actions (for the record, I have not), but I won’t start a petition to ban your false accusation. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/47 "2013-05-06T17:19:03Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > And this is the point you, and others, have continually failed to grasp. I am not defending crude sexual jokes and comments against women–or men (something you omitted). And what the hell do you mean by **my** crude jokes? Please show me what crude jokes I have made–I don’t recall having made any, ever. > > What I am defending is the ability to say things. I am not a fan of censorship, and that’s exactly what’s happening here. Your post is offense, because apparently defending the ability to perform an action is an endorsement of those actions, but I won’t start a petition to ban your false accusation. I think you’re getting too worked up. You also have the ability to say lewd or disrespectful things in real life to women, but you don’t (presumably). What’s so hard about not doing that here too? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/48 "2013-05-06T17:19:36Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Oh good, we’re banning jokes now :smack: No, we are not. > [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > You shouldn’t be able to mold the forum into your personal paradise, but that’s exactly what’s happening. And it’s as disgusting as the behavior you wish to inhibit. Everybody who posts here is entitled to their opinion about what the board is and how it should work. And let’s steer this thread away from comments about who and what is disgusting (because it’s sexist or because it’s no fun) - there has been way too much of that kind of stuff in the last half-dozen threads about sexism/misogyny. We’re trying to have a useful discussion about the issue and how we can handle it. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/49 "2013-05-06T17:19:57Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Who said she’s attractive? I’ve never seen her face or any other body parts. > > SNIP > > PS–please not that I’m on your side regarding “boobs? pix!” type jokes directed at other posters. Those are almost always out of line–but not pointing and laughing at a moron who tries to use her (or his) naughty part to try to make a complex political point? We disagree on that one. I mean, granted, it’s Wiki, but [the definition of Bimbo](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bimbo) seems to imply attractiveness. But I suppose that’s neither here nor there. And I feel ya, I know you aren’t supporting the requests for titties. I also get where you’re coming from with the mocking. I suppose all I’m saying is that you can mock her for being an idiot as dumb as the day is long without talking about fucking her. > [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > And guys make sex jokes all the time in real-life too, just not around you. > > So what was your point again? So, you think talking about medical problems is the same as making jokes about fucking? > [@Leaffan](#): > > I think you’re getting too worked up. You also have the ability to say lewd or disrespectful things in real life to women, but you don’t (presumably). What’s so hard about not doing that here too? Well said. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/50 "2013-05-06T17:20:34Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > And of course in the military you need to be well groomed everywhere. Must resist joke about “high and tight”… ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/51 "2013-05-06T17:21:36Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > No, we are not. > > Everybody who posts here is entitled to their opinion about what the board is and how it should work. And let’s steer this thread away from comments about who and what is disgusting (because it’s sexist or because it’s no fun) - there has been way too much of that kind of stuff in the last half-dozen threads about sexism/misogyny. We’re trying to have a useful discussion about the issue and how we can handle it. So I can’t equate things now? I would describe unnecessary censorship using many of the same words others have used to describe the subject matter in this very thread. Why is one topic okay to use such words, but the other isn’t? Why is it also okay to accuse me of making posts I haven’t made, but not to call someone’s efforts what they are? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/52 "2013-05-06T17:22:50Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > So, you think talking about medical problems is the same as making jokes about fucking? No, but that’s not question you asked. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/53 "2013-05-06T17:25:11Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > No, but that’s not question you asked. Incidentally, I didn’t ask _anything_ in my original reply to you (the one you quoted in full and responded to), so I’m not sure what query you think you were answering for me before. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/54 "2013-05-06T17:26:37Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Incidentally, I didn’t ask _anything_ in my reply to you, so I’m not sure what query you think you were answering for me. Incidentally, you should be able to infer what I meant then. The question that was asked was not the one you were addressing. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/55 "2013-05-06T17:26:45Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > What I am defending is the ability to say things. I am not a fan of censorship, and that’s exactly what’s happening here. If you’re not a fan of censorship in the way it’s happening here, you have some odd ideas about social interactions. This is censorship in the same way it’s censorship that you’re not allowed to stand up and yodel obscenities at a quiet, romantic restaurant. You’re being asked not to act rudely. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/56 "2013-05-06T17:28:25Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I mean, granted, it’s Wiki, but [the definition of Bimbo](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bimbo) seems to imply attractiveness. But I suppose that’s neither here nor there. Huh–my def. doesn’t agree with wiki, so if nothing else, I’m in the minority here. > [@](#): > > And I feel ya, I know you aren’t supporting the requests for titties. I also get where you’re coming from with the mocking. I suppose all I’m saying is that you can mock her for being an idiot as dumb as the day is long without talking about fucking her. Can we compromise about crude jokes about her um…organs (I’m on a work computer here) _exactly_ like the ones we’d make about men (“could park an airplane in there” vs “obvious shortcomings”, for example)? but no comments that border on implying that sexual assault is ok? If so, we’re in agreement. (and…earlier today, would you have guessed that you’d be involved in this sort of negotiation/discussion? I would _not_ have. 😛 ) If not, we may be at an impasse: if you’re showing your naughty bits, your naughty bits are targets for mocking, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/57 "2013-05-06T17:29:57Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Incidentally, you should be able to infer what I meant then. The question that was asked was not the one you were addressing. Yeah, I still have no idea what you’re talking about. You posted a false equivalence that seems to have no relation to. . . anything. Yes, dudes make sexual comments in life, we all understand that— most dudes also temper these discussions in real life because to not do so would be rude. That has zero to do with the idea presented that women don’t talk about their reproductive functions in real life, so doing it here is inviting requests to fuck us. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/58 "2013-05-06T17:32:23Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > If you’re not a fan of censorship in the way it’s happening here, you have some odd ideas about social interactions. This is censorship in the same way it’s censorship that you’re not allowed to stand up and yodel obscenities at a quiet, romantic restaurant. You’re being asked not to act rudely. This message board is not a quiet romantic restaurant, or anything close to a virtual equivalent. Any singular post is not any “louder” than the rest. Also, real-life doesn’t have a handy ignore button that many seem to forget exists here. > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > most dudes also temper these discussions in real life because to not do so would be rude. _Around you_. You do realize people often speak of things outside your immediate presence, yes? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/59 "2013-05-06T17:36:49Z")
Here’s the thing … I’m a generally couth individual. I wouldn’t pop into a thread about breast cancer so I can quip, “nice yabo’s,” but I got a minor slap-down for responding to a description of a hot girl in a micro-mini-skirt and a shear top by saying, jokingly, “I’ll need to see pictures.” Is that the sort of vapors-inducing offence that you just can’t stomach at the Dope anymore? Because if it is, I’ve got sour news for you. I’m still gonna post shit like that. You know why? Because, in \*\*Diosa’s \*\*words, it’s appropriate to. See – I get to decide what’s appropriate just like you do. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626/60 "2013-05-06T17:37:29Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > This message board is not a quiet romantic restaurant, or anything close to a virtual equivalent. Yeah, it is something close to the virtual equivalent. Namely, it’s a private establishment welcome to kick anyone out for nearly any reason, run by proprietors who would like to establish a certain tone. If you wouldn’t object to the restaurant attempting to establish that tone, complaining about “censorship” when a board tries to establish that tone is silly. > [@](#): > > Any singular post is not any “louder” than the rest. Also, real-life doesn’t have a handy ignore button that many seem to forget exists here. Do you think we’re unaware of that button? We’re not. We know about it. Many people find it a less attractive solution than getting people to knock off with the obnoxious commentary in the first place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moderation-of-inappropriate-sexual-commentary/657626.md?page=4)