# Modern Last Names **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 19, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647 "2009-04-19T19:51:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dotchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@dotchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dotchan)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/1 "2009-04-19T19:51:10Z")
For whatever reason (dictatorial fiat, the end of the world as we know it, a couple of guys getting drunk and having some laughs in a bar), we all decided to adapt new last names based on the vocabulary we have now. What sort of names would we end up with? I’d say definitely “ESPN”, at least. It’s being used as a first name already. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2009, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/2 "2009-04-19T21:29:44Z")
Surely “Analyst” will replace “Smith” as the dominant occupational suname. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/3 "2009-04-19T22:02:35Z")
“Lackey” would be up there too, I would think. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/4 "2009-04-20T00:44:50Z")
“Hacker,” maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/5 "2009-04-20T01:23:55Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > Surely “Analyst” will replace “Smith” as the dominant occupational suname. > [@RandMcnally](#): > > “Lackey” would be up there too, I would think. Same with “Consultant.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/6 "2009-04-20T01:26:52Z")
“Geek.” 20 years ago I might have said “Copierguy.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/7 "2009-04-20T01:55:07Z")
In keeping with my Germanic birthname, I choose [Luftmensch](http://www.luftmensch.com/wordpress/luftmensch-pie-in-the-sky), although it’s not German so much as it is Yiddish. (The Germans wouldn’t dignify a man with no visible means of support by giving him a title.) ---
**Author:** ![AllWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AllWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllWalker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/8 "2009-04-20T02:12:44Z")
iPod. Humanresourcesdirector. Pundit. Unix. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/9 "2009-04-20T02:18:45Z")
“I’m American, honey. Our names don’t mean shit.” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/10 "2009-04-20T02:40:39Z")
Specialist. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/11 "2009-04-20T02:42:30Z")
Lawyer. Doctor. Middlemanager. Salesassociate. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/12 "2009-04-20T15:27:25Z")
The prefix “Fitz” used to connote that you were somebody’s illegitimate son. So, if you were the son of the king and his mistress, for instance, your last name would be “Fitzroy.” Nowadays, there are so many NEW ways for children to be conceived and born, we need some new prefixes. 1. A prefix for “Son of/daughter of” a sperm donor. 2. A prefix for “Son of/daughter of” the person from whom a child was cloned. 3. A prefix for “Son of/daughter of” a surrogate Mom. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/13 "2009-04-20T15:44:19Z")
We ought to have names signifying one’s Myers-Briggs classification or various flavors of interpretation thereof. Entj or Isfp would be awkward, but perhaps Peacemaker, Eagle or Artisan. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/14 "2009-04-20T15:57:29Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > … > > 1. A prefix for “Son of/daughter of” a sperm donor. > 2. A prefix for “Son of/daughter of” the person from whom a child was cloned. > 3. A prefix for “Son of/daughter of” a surrogate Mom. Not a bad idea. How about don, clo and sur, respectively? ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/15 "2009-04-20T23:54:56Z")
For my son in law: Lazybuttheadthatrefusestogetajob. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/16 "2009-04-21T07:25:26Z")
“It’s pronounced ‘Mod-er.’ We came over from Filefront, originally—though my grandmother was half Machiniman.” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/17 "2009-04-22T17:33:49Z")
Nerd. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/18 "2009-04-23T04:52:18Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > We ought to have names signifying one’s Myers-Briggs classification or various flavors of interpretation thereof. Entj or Isfp would be awkward, but perhaps Peacemaker, Eagle or Artisan. Yeah, I don’t know… it would work for a lot of them, but doesn’t the surname Mastermind ([INTJ](http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=5&c=mastermind)) strike you as a bit pretentious? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/19 "2009-04-23T16:56:55Z")
Stalker is such a cool last number I’m tempted to use it. ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647/20 "2009-04-23T17:06:46Z")
I think I’d have to go for something like **Meaningless** or maybe **Name**. I fear, however, to think what the /b tards would saddle future generations with. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-last-names/493647.md?page=2)