# Modern phone etiquette: When is the dinner hour? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2017, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226 "2017-11-20T23:42:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/21 "2017-11-21T04:28:37Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > If you sent me such a text, I would **re** -call you, because (A), you have shown that you are available to answer the phone, and (B), it is many, many, **many** times easier to exchange information in a couple spoken sentences than by using who knows how many rounds of text messages. Depends on the information that needed exchanged. I may be able to text, but not necessarily be able to hear you or be able to drop everything to fight my way out of a loud building RIGHT NOW just to find out what you need. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/22 "2017-11-21T05:42:00Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > I find unexpected phone calls extremely rude. See, for me the nature of phone calls is that they are generally unexpected. And I know people who simply don’t have cell phones, or people who simply do not text, so can’t text me beforehand anyway (like my parents, for instance. No cellular devices. All their phone calls are out of the blue.) I mean, we’re the same age. Did you really schedule phone calls with your friends growing up? If you did, then that’s quite unusual, in my experience. So I’m used to the “call if you feel like it, if I don’t want to talk to you or can’t talk, I’ll either ignore it or bounce you to voicemail.” And, yeah, I’m one of those people who actually does listen to voicemail and leaves voicemails. It’s so much easier to ignore a phone call these days, with vibrate mode, caller ID, and all that stuff. Plus you have “do not disturb mode” if you really don’t want to take any calls, but still want to play on your phone and watch movies or listen to music or what not. ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/23 "2017-11-21T14:13:54Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > No, there are still etiquette rules - not everyone has a cellphone and neither I or many of my friends call between 5 and 7 pm, cell or no cell. Call us all old school if you must, but etiquette standards don’t magically not apply anymore because technology has changed. The only thing that has changed is that a lot of people don’t think of anyone but themselves and their instant gratification. I don’t think etiquette goes away because of changes in technology, but etiquette rules _do change_ over time, in response to both social and technological changes. I don’t think that’s bad. I might like some changes and not others, but just because people don’t adhere to the same rules you used when you were younger does not mean they are not adhering to _any_ rules or that they are being rude. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/24 "2017-11-21T14:24:29Z")
Admittedly old fashioned here, and yes, we happen to be one of the five remaining families in North America that still have a landline phone, but we still generally refrain from making calls between 6-7 p.m. and the cutoff for making/receiving casual calls is around 9 p.m. Where we seem to be at some odds, though is adopting a uniform policy on how EARLY it’s okay to call others on weekends. My 12 y.o. son has always been an early riser and I can’t count the times he’s been busted calling friends at between 8-9 a.m. on Saturdays. Mrs. Cardigan insists anything before 9:30 is considered rude. I’d say 9 is fine but wouldn’t go much earlier. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/25 "2017-11-21T14:42:02Z")
The ‘dinner hour’ convention made sense because phones were a middle-to-upper class thing (poor people tend to have worse schedules) and a lot of people really did eat dinner at the same time, phone calls were inherently interrupting (big insistent ring that wasn’t easy to turn off), and there wasn’t a quiet voicemail option. It just doesn’t make much sense in a modern context - pretty much everyone has a phone, fewer people work a simple 9-5 schedule and more women work outside the home, and people are on much less of the same schedule in general. Also phones are much easier to ignore and turn the ringer on and off, and quiet voicemail lets the phone take a message for you. > [@Flyer](#): > > If you sent me such a text, I would **re** -call you, because (A), you have shown that you are available to answer the phone, and (B), it is many, many, **many** times easier to exchange information in a couple spoken sentences than by using who knows how many rounds of text messages. You’re completely wrong, there are a lot of circumstances where a person can text but not take a phone call. For example, if I’m in a bar or at a party with background noise, I can easily text but won’t be able to hear a call at all, so would have to leave where I am and go outside, which takes significant time and effort. If I’m at a group dinner, sending a quick text on the side doesn’t disrupt things, but taking a phone call at the table does, as does leaving to go take whatever call. If I’m playing a game (online or in person) I can reply to texts when there’s a pause in the action of the game instead of having to stop. If I’m at work, there are a lot of times when I can send a few texts, but talking on the phone causes problems (and highlights to other people that I’m on personal stuff instead of work). Also, the ‘many many many times easier’ is far from universal. I have a hard time processing spoken conversation without visual feedback and am slightly hard of hearing, so for most information it’s many many many times easier for me to get information in written form. Especially (again) if I’m not in a quiet room in the first place. I know for sure that if someone calls, I text ‘what’s up?’ and they call again, and they’re not either related to me or dating me, I’m probably going to block their number because that’s incredibly demanding, pushy, and insensitive. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/26 "2017-11-21T14:43:28Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > People of Quality never dine before eight. Hah! I had a good friend in HS whose family had lived in Europe for a few years, and he would often say “We eat European stye, so never before 7:30”. I still use that line every now and then, just for laughs, even though it’s true. For me, personally, dinner is sometime between 7:30 and 9:00. I feel so… _European!!_ ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/27 "2017-11-21T15:11:08Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Don’t call me out of the blue at all ever. Text me first and ask if I’m available to take a call first. If you know me (and you do not have my number if you don’t) you know I prefer texts. I do not answer calls. I allow incoming calls to go to voicemail, then use voice-to-text to read the message. I then reply via text. As far as time, you can text me 24/7. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/28 "2017-11-21T15:20:11Z")
Having read over the thread, I’m inclined to agree with the idea to text beforehand asking if you’re free to talk. Since the OP is talking about calling during the dinner hour, I presume it’s not referring to job/work-related calls but to personal calls. With the advent of texting and email, people typically only call if they want to have an actual discussion, as details like “When do you want to meet up tomorrow?” can typically be sorted out through texts. And if you want to have a discussion, then I think it’s polite to ask someone when is a good time to call. So with personal conversations with friends, we’ll often set a time several days in advance, by looking at our calendars and seeing when we could realistically set aside a decent chunk of time to talk. Though because this is a more recent development, I do think there is a middle ground between “polite” and “rude.” My father is 70, and when he calls he doesn’t typically ask me if it’s a good time beforehand, and I don’t consider that rude because, I mean, he’s 70. He’s spent his whole life calling people when he wants to call them, you know? So I wouldn’t necessarily call it a “breach of social etiquette” if you call unannounced, but I do think it’s more polite to find out a good time to talk before you call someone. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/29 "2017-11-21T15:28:19Z")
A phone call is really easy to ignore. If someone calls me at a time when I’m not able to accept phone calls, I just briefly bush my hand against my pocket to hit the “silence” button, and continue doing whatever I was doing. The person who called me knows, from the fact that I didn’t answer, that for whatever reason I was unable to take calls at that time. There’s no savings of time or effort, on either side, by texting first. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/30 "2017-11-21T15:30:10Z")
Oh, and if it’s a situation where I can only talk for a little while but not get into a long conversation, I answer the phone and say “I can’t talk long; is it quick?”, and if not, then we can agree to call back at some later time. This is also just as easy as texting first. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/31 "2017-11-21T15:51:08Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > No, it doesn’t. I have no difficulty ignoring a text beep until such time as it suits me to check my texts. Then you are alone in that. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/32 "2017-11-21T16:00:24Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Then you are alone in that. No, he’s not. I do that, too. In fact, I don’t understand folks who can’t get through a lunch without checking their phones every 5 minutes, or interrupt you in mid sentence because their phone beeped. If my phone rings during lunch, I will generally ignore it. There is nothing going on that can’t wait 45 minutes. And don’t tell me to keep talking while you’re sending a text. No thanks. Finish your text, if you must, and then maybe we can pick up the conversation where we left off. But maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/33 "2017-11-21T16:51:37Z")
In my world, I won’t call anyone from 5-7 because cooking/eating/cleaning up. The only calls I’d answer during that time would be from family members because of possible emergencies. My inlaws have always stayed up late, and for years thought nothing of calling us at 10 PM. We would get up at 5 AM, so calling that late was annoying at best. One night after my FIL woke us with a call, I jokingly told my husband that the next time he called that late, his hair better be on fire! And, of course, spousal unit told his dad who, fortunately, has a sense of humor. And he never called after 9 from then on! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/34 "2017-11-21T17:23:47Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Hah! I had a good friend in HS whose family had lived in Europe for a few years, and he would often say “We eat European stye, so never before 7:30”. I still use that line every now and then, just for laughs, even though it’s true. For me, personally, dinner is sometime between 7:30 and 9:00. I feel so… _European!!_ Where in Europe? When I went to Madrid it seemed that restaurants didn’t open until 9:00 pm. Then we went to Amsterdam, where they were hosing down the sidewalks at 9. Very confusing. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/35 "2017-11-21T17:24:49Z")
There is a scientific answer to this question. Just measure peak calling times of telephone solicitors, and that will be the exact dinner period for most people. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/36 "2017-11-21T17:30:58Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Where in Europe? When I went to Madrid it seemed that restaurants didn’t open until 9:00 pm. Then we went to Amsterdam, where they were hosing down the sidewalks at 9. > Very confusing. I don’t remember, but it was probably more than one place. Yes, Madrid is great. You start seeing lines of Americans in front of restaurants at about 8:30, just waiting for them to open. 🙂 I don’t remember Amsterdam being like that, but it’s been a long time since I was there. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/37 "2017-11-21T17:36:17Z")
My dinner hour is from 7-8. Sometimes I’ll even have dinner as late as 9 (as I did last night). Generally I will call whenever until 10 pm (and I won’t call before 10 am). I have no problems with people calling me or me calling them if really need to discuss something. Texting just for random chit-chat though. I’m 37, FWIW. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/38 "2017-11-21T17:41:49Z")
No ‘dinner hour’ rule for my wife and I. Never know when where going to eat. Same goes for friends and family. However, don’t call us past 9pm (at the latest). You can ring me at 6am on a Saturday or Sunday though. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/39 "2017-11-21T17:50:05Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Depends on the information that needed exchanged. This. For God’s sake, if you are trying to impart specific details – an address to input into the navigator, the date of the party, a long list of items to buy, or what have you, TEXT or e-mail, thus creating a semi-permanent record I can consult when I wake up tomorrow, and/or forward to others. Don’t expect that if you choose to drone out the information verbally, _immediately forcing me to write it down_ instead of you doing so, I will be happy. Phone/verbal communication is for nuance and feedback. If you want to know how I feel about Robert coming to this party, and only after gauging my response, bring up the even more delicate subject of his adding ex-wife, THAT is a good topic for a two-way conversation. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2017, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226/40 "2017-11-21T20:38:33Z")
Texting before calling is ideal for me and most of my family and close friends. I know if they’re calling that it is something more than trivial but it isn’t an absolute emergency. I don’t need to know that dog died while I’m at happy hour with coworkers or that someone’s getting a divorce while I’m having the day from Hell at work. I generally despise talking on the phone, I worked on the phones at work for years and it had better be something pretty important to warrant a phone call. “I just want to hear your voice” is limited only to my parents. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/modern-phone-etiquette-when-is-the-dinner-hour/802226.md?page=3)