I’ll be back to deal with this “husband” thing; right now I have to run.
I made sure that “man and wife” wouldn’t be in our wedding ceremony. To me, that implies ownership, or at least inequality, much more than “husband and wife” does.
I bristle every time we get mail addressed that way. I make him open it- my name’s not on it, so I can’t open it.
It goes on to list several obsolete and modern definitions. My point is that the word is rooted in a role of master of the house. In animal husbandry, you aren’t married to the pigs, you own them. You manage them.
I’m a modern man, and I don’t buy that ancient picture of the man being master over his wife. Marriage is a shared endeavor, with two equal partners.
I have been to weddings where the minister went on and on about the wife’s obedience to the husband, and it made me angry. I wanted to stand up and shout, “That shit don’t make it anymore, Jack.” This time, I was the minister, and I didn’t wan’t any hint of the old master-and-helpmeet bullshit.
I understand that completely. However, she had some very tricky family dysfunction issues that I had to dance around. I can’t really explain them to you, but I had a good reason for writing the last line the way I did.
It’s a good thing that the rabbi at our wedding didn’t say anything like that. I think Mr. Neville, his parents, my parents, and I might have all laughed ourselves to death if he had.
The editing of duration is bad enough – I’ll love thee until … um… I don’t anymore – but I have a problem with the whole concept of “writing your own vows”.
If you think you’re a better writer than the anonymous author who came up with “to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness & in health…” etc – you’re probably wrong.
Maybe my next marriage I’ll have it be for 10 years. If we’re still going strong, we can renew and get a sticker, just like the DMV without the lines.
We’re writing our own vows. It’s not a matter of being a ‘better writer’, it’s personalizing and making them our own. Why should I use some random dude’s words when I could use my own. The vows could sound shitty to someone outside the marriage, but I’m not getting married for anyone but myself and my future husband. For the record, the ceremony is just the two of us, our parents and our siblings.
That reminds me, I need to write my vows. 
My mom (in her early 70s) insists on mail to her being addressed to “Mrs. Myhusband’sfirstname Myhusband’slastname.” She’s actually a little offended if it’s addressed to “Mrs. Myfirstname Myhusband’slastname.” I don’t understand it, myself, but that’s how she was raised. Whatever.
When my wife and I were married, I told her that I would be honored if she took my last name, but it was her decision. She considered hyphenating (too cumbersome) before taking my last name, and prefers her mail addressed to “Mrs. Herfirstname Herhusband’slastname,” or omitting the “Mrs.” entirely.
But she sometimes gets mail addressed to her as a “Ms.” WTF? I always thought that was for unmarried women who didn’t like the more quaint “Miss.”
“Mrs. HisFirst HisLast” was (and often still is) considered proper etiquette for a married woman - IIRC, “Mrs. HerFirst HisLast” was once either only for divorced or widowed women, I can’t recall which. That might be the source of your mother’s consternation.
Ms. is considered proper use when you are unsure of the married status of a woman, or if she prefers not to advertise her married status in her title, or if she simply prefers the usage. It is a comparatively fairly old form of address, actually, contrary to those people who suggest it’s a product of modern feminism. (It’s also short for “Mistress”, and not that kind, pervs.) IIRC, Ms. is a not uncommon form of address for women in parts of the southern US as well.
I think any wedding ought to include a couple of lawyers-one for the bride, one for the groom. There should be leagl contracts signed and witnessed. The lawyers should also sign and verify that the contracts were arrived at legally. Of course, thats why people have prenuptual agreements! 
None of those apply here, and those using it for my wife know that. I wonder if they’re trying to tell me something? :dubious:
Improper usage would be using it when the addressee doesn’t use it and they know it. Maybe they think they’re being “modern” or something.
(I use “Ms.” and a hyphenated surname, and you probably wouldn’t be surprised that people who know better, like my inlaws, tend to screw up both. Then again, I have a friend who used to hyphenate my husband’s surname as well, as a poor joke.)