# Mom has horrible table manners and it drives me crazy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007 "2011-08-09T00:00:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/21 "2011-08-09T14:37:34Z")
> [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](#): > > She can’t work because she can’t drive, because she has fainting spells. I suspect some deception is afoot. People don’t pass out unless something is wrong with them. What do the doctors say? ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/22 "2011-08-09T14:51:27Z")
I don’t understand why somebody else moving around makes you nervous enough to lose your appetite but everything else you mention would drive me nuts. If I saw somebody do the thing with the dog food I would stop eating food they prepare. If they do something like that at the table they’ll do it while cooking as well. I’d eat out or make my own meals. Or move. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/23 "2011-08-09T14:53:47Z")
> [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](#): > > I’m being fed for free so I feel it’s not my place to complain. > [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](#): > > I work most nights and I can’t be there to do those things. I am only sometimes at home during dinner hours. 😕Why are you still there? ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/24 "2011-08-09T15:03:34Z")
Free rent, I suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/25 "2011-08-09T15:08:11Z")
It’s time for the OP to move out. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/26 "2011-08-09T18:41:46Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > She’s not right. Which means she’s especially resistant to change. > > Your choices are to put up, or move out. \ That’s kind of what I’m seeing here, too (unless this is some kind of cultural thing where an older woman is expected to wait on the men hand and foot). The behaviour is just…weird to me. I don’t know what to do with it. As for the dog food spoon in the mashed potatoes - I don’t think it’s actually dangerous or anything, but damn, you just don’t do that. And pampering the dogs instead of having a meal and conversation and socializing with your family - that is just weird. Sorry, **what do I type here** - I don’t have much advice, but I do have sympathy for your situation. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/27 "2011-08-09T21:55:44Z")
Okay, this may sound like a weird jump but…Is your mom skinny, or maybe anorexic? Does she eventually sit down and eat some food? My mom does the same thing with the rushing around, prepping things that should could be doing at another time (she doesn’t have a job or any other obligations.) When she does sit, she barely touches the food or rather lets it get cold, complain about how she always gets cold food from waiting on us :rolleyes:, and then puts it away to “warm up later.” This is all a part of her routine of not eating. My mom has always been like this so I can relate to how you feel anxious and just want her to sit down. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/28 "2011-08-09T22:40:51Z")
I’ve got a friend that is a little like this. No animals involved, but she just can’t sit still. She’s in the kitchen loading the dishwasher with cooking utensils, while the rest of us are eating. Down to 2 biscuits? She’s in the kitchen refilling the basket, needed or not. She’s clearing stuff off the table as people are finishing up. Like your mother, when we go out to dinner, she is perfectly capable of sitting still and eating and talking. Really hun, we came over to spend time with YOU. If all we wanted was food, we’d go to a restaurant. > [@Maastricht](#): > > Have you tried to talk to her about it, not in a criticising way, but with kindness? "Mom, I’d love it if you would just sit at the table with us during dinner. If you jump up and down all the time to get stuff it seems like you are our servant instead of our mum. If you jump up and down I can’t talk with you quietly and ask you how your day was. I like this idea. I’d cut it off after “we can’t talk quietly and ask how your day was.” Don’t make it specific. Don’t make it about the dogs. Make it a request to have time to talk. If you try it, be sure to have some topics of conversation thought out ahead of time, so that you can keep it going. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/29 "2011-08-09T23:23:20Z")
Did she keep the mashed potatoes for over 3 months in the refrigerator so you would eat them? I’ll private message you a link. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/30 "2011-08-09T23:28:19Z")
No private messages for you so oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/31 "2011-08-09T23:31:05Z")
Her house, her rules, her manners. Move out if it bugs you so much, otherwise quit whining. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/32 "2011-08-09T23:48:30Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > Her house, her rules, her manners. Move out if it bugs you so much, otherwise quit whining. Talking about something bothering you is not the same as whining. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/33 "2011-08-10T16:49:28Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > That sucks. My mom used to eat with her mouth open. I could see the food churning in her mouth. I made sure to never sit directly across from her. > > You might try actions and humor, if words and critism don’t work. An example would be a wife who hated that her husband used to come shirtless to the dinner table. Nagging didn’t work. Then one day, during a family dinner, the wife came shirtless to the table as well. The husband always wore a shirt after that. > > So, you could jump up and down and serve everyone and do chores when everybody sits in front of the TV. Give her a taste of her own medicine!! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/34 "2011-08-10T17:44:30Z")
If you and your Dad were true gentlemen, you’d stand up every time she did, and remain standing until she sat down again. I now see how this might actually be a useful tradition. . . 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/35 "2011-08-10T18:27:46Z")
Everything she does is fairly rude but putting a spoon that clearly has _dog food_ on it into _human food_ is disgusting and puts it over the top. My mom is also the type who gets offended and gives the silent treatment if you’re critical of the slightest thing she does, so I can understand your aggravation. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/36 "2011-08-11T04:51:39Z")
Eh, I’m not getting the great outrage over the dog food thing, if it was dry kibble. There’s really not much of anything on the spoon after putting it in kibble, just dust really. And it’s not like the dog had already eaten out of it. If it was the wet food, then yeah that would be gross, as the flavor would transfer over to the mashed potatoes. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/37 "2011-08-11T05:31:00Z")
My ex-wife’s family all did that jumping-up thing constantly. One would go get the salt and sit down, the next with bob up and get napkins, another a glass of water - there wasn’t 30 seconds in a row when they were all sitting down at the same time and it drove me freakin’ nuts. I specifically asked them to stop doing it which for a wonder did actually help. I think they were simply unaware. Your mother however is a case. Either she has some mental health issue, or she is deeply unhappy about her life situation and this refusal to stay put or to ask someone to pass the peas is an unspoken protest. Are there, or could there be, problems between her and your father? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/38 "2011-08-11T05:53:11Z")
She can’t drive because she has “fainting spells”, she behaves normally eating out or with company, and she uses any discussion/criticism as an excuse to cut off communication with you. It sounds like she has some deep passive aggressive control issues going on, IMO. You are between a rock and a hard place until you move out. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/39 "2011-08-11T06:01:52Z")
> [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](#): > > She can’t work because she can’t drive, because she has fainting spells. Why does working require driving? ---
**Author:** ![JoelUpchurch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@JoelUpchurch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoelUpchurch)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007/40 "2011-08-11T07:09:53Z")
> [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](#): > > From what I can tell, her weirdness has been going on for years. She can’t work because she can’t drive, because she has fainting spells. What kind of fainting spells are you talking about? My brother had petite mal seizures. He wrecked several cars that way. Eventually the medications got better and the seizures became less frequent. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-has-horrible-table-manners-and-it-drives-me-crazy/592007.md?page=3)