# Mom, spend your money on someone else. Please! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2008, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409 "2008-12-02T22:00:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/21 "2008-12-03T15:08:42Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > When he was trying to leave, my aunt - what is she doing in the middle of this anyway??? - laid down in front of him and said, “You’ll have to step over my dead body! You’ll have to kill me first!” And this was after a three hour crying screaming argument. Holy mackerel. Um, so, did he kill her? The temptation would have been strong! Guilt trips in my family are much less dramatic than that. “I just wanted… I just wanted to spend some time together. Since your father died I’ve been, well, you know I don’t like to be home for Christmas…” Somehow, going on a trip before Christmas counts as not being home for Christmas in Guilt Land. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/22 "2008-12-03T15:21:26Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Holy mackerel. > > Um, so, did he kill her? The temptation would have been strong! No. Tho this same aunt has pulled tons of guilt trips on me, too, and I have wanted to kill her on many occasions myself! Somehow or other he got the strength to step over her. See, guilt trips work because they know where all your buttons are - after all, they installed them! It took me a long time to just shrug and say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and now I don’t even tell them my business and all conversation is neutral. > [@](#): > > Guilt trips in my family are much less dramatic than that. > > “I just wanted… I just wanted to spend some time together. Since your father died I’ve been, well, you know I don’t like to be home for Christmas…” > > Somehow, going on a trip before Christmas counts as not being home for Christmas in Guilt Land. 😃 Hah. Yeah, I know that one. Thank goodness for my SO’s family. When we say we are spending Thanksgiving/Christmas elsewere (which we do every other year) we just hear “Oh…Ok, next year for sure, OK?” ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/23 "2008-12-03T15:21:42Z")
So don’t bother her about the neuroma. Just tell her you hurt your ankle and it got better and then you hurt it again, and so you don’t want to walk. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/24 "2008-12-03T15:28:42Z")
No, I’ll just tell her, for the fortieth time, that I’m not interested in going and am not going. When I was 12, I gave reasons. Now I just say no. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/25 "2008-12-03T18:27:00Z")
Even the asking gets on my nerves - I said no already. I said no three times already. Things are going to get shouty if you keep pushing. Can you tell her that? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/26 "2008-12-03T18:51:58Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > No, I’ll just tell her, for the fortieth time, that I’m not interested in going and am not going. When I was 12, I gave reasons. Now I just say no. HAH! Just because you are not a 12 year old and a responsible, bill paying member of society does not mean you cannot be TREATED like a 12 year old girl by your parental units!!!1111!!! BOT, The minute you put your foot down and don’t go is when you really grow up. ( And piss off the family members by being difficult and stubborn.) The are booking the guilt trip and you are the one taking it. or are you going to let that train leave without you? ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/27 "2008-12-03T18:52:35Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Things are going to get shouty if you keep pushing. Just want to say I love this line and will use it next time someone is constantly bugging me about something. Also, my mother figured out a long time ago that I am happy being a loner and drags my sister with her on her outings. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/28 "2008-12-03T19:19:42Z")
> [@TheFaerie](#): > > Also, my mother figured out a long time ago that I am happy being a loner and drags my sister with her on her outings. 🙂 Oh, my mother absolutely knows that I wouldn’t want to go, she just pushes anyway. She sees it as a challenge, I think, but she hasn’t gotten me to do anything I didn’t want to do since I graduated high school. Perseverance is her middle name. ETA: Obstinacy is mine. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/29 "2008-12-03T19:34:34Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > This could be a real-life unstoppable force meets immoveable object! Keep us posted! Webcam it! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/30 "2008-12-03T19:35:40Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > . Things are going to get shouty if you keep pushing. I am stealing this for future use. THANKS, featherlou! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/31 "2008-12-03T19:47:00Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > No, I’ll just tell her, for the fortieth time, that I’m not interested in going and am not going. When I was 12, I gave reasons. Now I just say no. I wouldn’t even do that. You already told her no, if she brings it up again, just remind her of your earlier conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/32 "2008-12-03T19:52:30Z")
This makes me feel lucky that my mother and I are pretty similar, personality-wise (not so when I was growing up, we fought like cats and dogs - that smoothed out immensely once I moved out). It would never occur to her to suggest such an outing, much less drag me along for the ride. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/33 "2008-12-03T20:06:26Z")
Back in September, my very independent ( yet quaintly wishy washy) mother asked if I would take her to her Doctor’s appointment, the one where you get roto-rootered ( cause I can’t spell it.) I agreed. Took care of my kids getting off to school that am by dropping them at a friends house and raced like a lunatic down to her house to be there by 8am, so I could get her to her her appointment by 845am. Despite morning traffic, I made it to her house at 8:01am and found out as I walked into her house that the Doctor’s office called to reschedule because the doctor was sick. “Now what?” she says. “Oooooh, " says I, " Wanna go to the Salvation Army?” We spent the better part of the day there putzing around. There are not alot of outings with my mom that I would gleefully go along with, (not without an near overdose of prozac on my part.) but anything with Thrift shops is our cup of tea. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/34 "2008-12-03T21:23:13Z")
Don’t take a passive-aggressive approach, or this entire thing will just repeat again in another form. For instance, don’t “call in sick” with the flu or something. WW Nancy Reagan D? “Just say no!” ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/35 "2008-12-03T21:55:55Z")
**Shirley** , I do hope you fed your mom, because if she was getting a colonscopy, she had to fast. Colonoscopy prep is no fun. Add no food or coffee on top of that, and it makes me cranky. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/36 "2008-12-03T23:26:53Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > **Shirley** , I do hope you fed your mom, because if she was getting a colonscopy, she had to fast. > > Colonoscopy prep is no fun. Add no food or coffee on top of that, and it makes me cranky. Oh, yes. Food was involved right after the doctor canceled. The last thing I want to deal with is my 82 year old mother fainting on the floor and saying, " I’m ok. Don’t worry about me…" (She doesn’t want to bother any one.) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/37 "2008-12-03T23:42:59Z")
The very first rule of manipulation is when you say ‘no’, and the other, refuses to hear it. When you have to repeat, ‘no’ it’s a sure sign you’re being manipulated. Awareness of this means you’ll be a willing participant, with some ownership, in any back and forth that ensues. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/38 "2008-12-04T00:22:04Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > The very first rule of manipulation is when you say ‘no’, and the other, refuses to hear it. When you have to repeat, ‘no’ it’s a sure sign you’re being manipulated. Just out of curiosity, what do you think I’m being manipulated into doing? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/39 "2008-12-04T01:33:21Z")
As I understand it, they’re trying to manipulate you into spending money you don’t have, staying in a place you don’t like, walking around on a sore foot, participating in an event you say you won’t enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409/40 "2008-12-04T01:42:19Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > As I understand it, they’re trying to manipulate you into spending money you don’t have, staying in a place you don’t like, walking around on a sore foot, participating in an event you say you won’t enjoy. They are trying, but they won’t succeed because I say no. You seemed to be suggesting that saying no was somehow playing into their hands. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mom-spend-your-money-on-someone-else-please/475409.md?page=3)