# Mom's "Apology" To Friends Without Kids **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 28, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487 "2014-05-28T18:50:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/261 "2014-06-01T02:49:10Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > There’s something wrong with you. 🙂 Yeah, I’ve got a bad wrist, a bad elbow, a bad shoulder, my knee hurts a lot, I get a lot of stomach pains…thanks for your concern, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/262 "2014-06-01T02:50:50Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > \ > I gotta say, that’s a long damn time. It’s not all paid, I assume.\ It’s all paid through Employment Insurance. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/263 "2014-06-01T03:00:41Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > It’s all paid through Employment Insurance. I just read that website. 15 weeks for maternity, 35 weeks for parental, and either parent is eligible. That’s pretty incredible. Of course, there’s also benefits paid for care of the elderly, care of sick children, _care of any family member_, etc. My wife just said “How the hell do they get anything done up there?” ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/264 "2014-06-01T03:02:07Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > So you agree that maternity leave is not the only leave one can take by choice then? Just want to clear that up. As I said, my company and many others offer some compensation for maternity leave however I paid for insurance to cover the larger part of my salary were I to need it. It was a choice. Much like by having dogs was a choice of your family. Dogs are expensive too, and knowing that I may have to care for an ailing relative may have influenced some of my choices were I in your shoes. > If you are going to talk about personal responsibility, try to practice it. This wailing and knashing against the unfairness of it all is silly You were doing well until the last bit. I am hardly wailing and gnashing, and I fail to see how anything I’ve said indicates that I lack personal responsibility. Anyway … I think I said paid leave - if I didn’t, then that was my mistake. Even so, I know I said “by choice” and I personally don’t feel that having one’s mother die of cancer is a choice. And we certainly didn’t have the choice to pay someone else to take care of her, hence the necessity of my SILs to come out. The costs of having dogs has nothing to do with it since we didn’t expect or get any outside help, other than her Medicare. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/265 "2014-06-01T03:05:26Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > I just read that website. 15 weeks for maternity, 35 weeks for parental, and either parent is eligible. That’s pretty incredible. Of course, there’s also benefits paid for care of the elderly, care of sick children, etc. > > My wife just said “How the hell do they get anything done up there?” Not at full salary. Its 55%, I believe, and capped at some value that I don’t recall at the moment. We still went heavily into our line of credit with our last child for the first year. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/266 "2014-06-01T03:07:05Z")
> [@Raygun99](#): > > Not at full salary. Its 55%, I believe, and capped at some value that I don’t recall at the moment. We still went heavily into our line of credit with our last child for the first year. Capped at $48k, or so. That’s higher than our maximum unemployment benefits down here. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/267 "2014-06-01T03:07:12Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Another data point - maternity leave in Canada is _ **twelve full months,** _ with your job guaranteed at the end of it. > > And then a sancti-mommy goes online and tells me that her life choices are more important than mine, and her bad behaviour is okay because she’s a mom, and even though she was aiming for humourous, I didn’t find it very funny based on my real-life experiences with entitled parents. Is the woman in the video Canadian? I thought she was a self employed woman from the US? ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/268 "2014-06-01T03:08:48Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Is the woman in the video Canadian? I thought she was a self employed woman from the US? She has to be talking about a different video, based on that description. Must be. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/269 "2014-06-01T03:11:20Z")
Sorry, my irritation with the video from the OP is separate from the maternity leave discussion (although I guess it all fall under the same broad umbrella). I didn’t make that clear enough. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/270 "2014-06-01T03:15:09Z")
Just a note for anyone who is new here, **curlcoat** is crazy. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/271 "2014-06-01T03:23:42Z")
Your irritation is not rational. The video is directed to other parents trying to put a funny spin on how your day can get derailed. It is not an actual apology, nor was it ever meant to be. It is not trying to tell the child free how tough parents have it at all. The woman is laughing at herself and her family life and trying to make a little money off of it. That’s it. Both you and your husband seem to be finding a whole bunch of stuff to get pissed about from this video. I can’t imagine why this would even impact your life at all. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/272 "2014-06-01T03:47:39Z")
> [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](#): > > So do you consider being child-free more or less weird than being gay? Just curious as to where you sit on the continuum of lifestyles that aren’t the default choice. It’s not the choice to be child-free that I think is weird, it’s the _resentment_ some people have towards children (who are, you know, people just like you and me). And, by the way…being gay is NOT a “lifestyle choice,” like deciding whether or not to have children. I find the comparison rather offensive. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/273 "2014-06-01T04:06:35Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > You were doing well until the last bit. I am hardly wailing and gnashing, and I fail to see how anything I’ve said indicates that I lack personal responsibility. Anyway … > > I think I said paid leave - if I didn’t, then that was my mistake. Even so, I know I said “by choice” and I personally don’t feel that having one’s mother die of cancer is a choice. And we certainly didn’t have the choice to pay someone else to take care of her, hence the necessity of my SILs to come out. The costs of having dogs has nothing to do with it since we didn’t expect or get any outside help, other than her Medicare. It is hardly unforeseeable that our parents will die. If your wish is to take care of them when they are ailing, it is your responsibility to prepare for that. From your telling, you and your husband didn’t do that and that is a pity. What that doesn’t allow you to do is outright lie about the situation. You clearly stated that the only leave allowed, by choice, was maternity leave. You even underlined it. You were doing well right up until you backpedaled. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/274 "2014-06-01T04:09:42Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > \ > And, by the way…being gay is NOT a “lifestyle choice,” like deciding whether or not to have children. I find the comparison rather offensive. Being born lacking whatever it is that makes people want to have kids isn’t a lifestyle choice, either. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/275 "2014-06-01T04:12:26Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Being born lacking whatever it is that makes people want to have kids isn’t a lifestyle choice, either. That is so not the same thing as sexual orientation, I am flabbergasted that you would even begin to think it was. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/276 "2014-06-01T04:15:42Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > That is so not the same thing as sexual orientation, I am flabbergasted that you would even begin to think it was. Now _I_ am confused; I never made a choice to want babies or not want them - I’ve never had any interest in them. Gay people don’t make a choice to be gay or not; they are born gay. Seems similar to me. How do _you_ think the two are different? ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/277 "2014-06-01T04:16:39Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Being born lacking whatever it is that makes people want to have kids isn’t a lifestyle choice, either. Wait, what? I don’t even know what to say here… ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/278 "2014-06-01T04:19:06Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > It’s not the choice to be child-free that I think is weird, it’s the _resentment_ some people have towards children (who are, you know, people just like you and me). > > And, by the way…being gay is NOT a “lifestyle choice,” like deciding whether or not to have children. I find the comparison rather offensive. No being gay is not a lifestyle choice. Neither is being born without the urge to procreate. Your “lifestyle choice” comment suggests to me that you expect gay people to also procreate because that’s just what everyone does. I find your lack of understanding of this concept offensive. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/279 "2014-06-01T04:22:58Z")
> [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](#): > > No being gay is not a lifestyle choice. Neither is being born without the urge to procreate. I find your lack of understanding of this concept offensive. No one has started a thread to condemn you and your wife for not having kids. Good try on the straw man, though. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/280 "2014-06-01T04:28:56Z")
> [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](#): > > No being gay is not a lifestyle choice. Neither is being born without the urge to procreate. Your “lifestyle choice” comment suggests to me that you expect gay people to also procreate because that’s just what everyone does. I find your lack of understanding of this concept offensive. Oh and on your edit, jeez, you got even more ridiculous. Yes, us mommies expect gay people to procreate. Really?!? You are both a little nuts about topics involving children. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487.md?page=15)