# Mom's "Apology" To Friends Without Kids **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 28, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487 "2014-05-28T18:50:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/421 "2014-08-09T23:41:49Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > Yeah but **mengvs** doesn’t know \*you \*IRL. It certainly isn’t mine or any one elses fault that parents are hyper sensitive. ---
**Author:** ![mengvs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f17d59/32.png) [@mengvs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mengvs)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/422 "2014-08-10T00:30:12Z")
I’m not a parent, actually. But unlike a few people on this thread, I’m not threatened by people who are. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/423 "2014-08-10T01:07:16Z")
> [@mengvs](#): > > I’m not a parent, actually. But unlike a few people on this thread, I’m not threatened by people who are. The only people who are threatened are those who have children and/or think there is nothing wrong with them running amok and requiring others to help pay to raise them. All you have to do is look at their reactions when someone says something “I can’t believe the people across the street are ignoring that little girl screaming in their pool”. Or “damn I’m tired of my property taxes going up and being wasted on our crappy schools”. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/424 "2014-08-10T01:18:31Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > The only people who are threatened are those who have children and/or think there is nothing wrong with them running amok and requiring others to help pay to raise them. All you have to do is look at their reactions when someone says something “I can’t believe the people across the street are ignoring that little girl screaming in their pool”. Or “damn I’m tired of my property taxes going up and being wasted on our crappy schools”. You do realize this is all on purpose, right? One of the great joys of being a parent is we get to sic our kids on people like you. We are all, truly, out to get you. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/425 "2014-08-10T01:49:14Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You do realize this is all on purpose, right? One of the great joys of being a parent is we get to sic our kids on people like you. We are all, truly, out to get you. Well, for one thing, neither of those examples had anything to do with siccing anyone on anyone else. For another, you use of the term “people like you” just goes to show how - what was the phrase? - sanctimonious, smug, entitled, and completely self-congratulatory, wee bit neurotic and passive-aggressive you all are. Not to mention selfish. But yeah, you go ahead and pretend that you are higher beings and entitled to all you demand because you managed to reproduce. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/426 "2014-08-10T01:55:27Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Well, for one thing, neither of those examples had anything to do with siccing anyone on anyone else. For another, you use of the term “people like you” just goes to show how - what was the phrase? - sanctimonious, smug, entitled, and completely self-congratulatory, wee bit neurotic and passive-aggressive you all are. Not to mention selfish. But yeah, you go ahead and pretend that you are higher beings and entitled to all you demand because you managed to reproduce. I know you are, but what am I? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/427 "2014-08-10T23:26:50Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I know you are, but what am I? Point to Sven. And jump ball. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/428 "2014-08-11T04:54:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Point to Sven. And jump ball. You gave him a point for acting like a child? Man, I will never understand parents. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/429 "2014-08-11T10:21:09Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > You gave him a point for acting like a child? Man, I will never understand parents. Sven ain’t a him. Two minutes for high dicking. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/430 "2014-08-11T16:46:54Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I know you are, but what am I? A Master Debater. Surely such high level skills of debate could only come from the teachings of the great peoples of Cameroon. ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/431 "2014-08-11T17:45:47Z")
> [@drunky smurf](#): > > a master debater. Surely such high level skills of debate could only come from the teachings of the great peoples of cameroon. whmtlft. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/432 "2014-08-11T17:52:43Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I know you are, but what am I? What are you? Hmm, I’mma go with “dumb enough to keep arguing with **curlcoat**.” ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/433 "2014-08-11T22:21:45Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Some people really want children, yes, and are devastated when they can’t have them. But the dispute is whether there’s a strictly biological urge for it, it doesn’t seem as though that is the case. Some people just really like kids…some people become kindergarten teachers because they love being around kids so much. Many, many other people do not want to be around kids that much, and many don’t want to be around kids hardly at all. And there may be many other factors that go into not wanting kids, based on psychology, upbringing, personality, who knows what else. It’s not what we call a primal urge. I was thinking about this recently actually. I’ve admitted on here before that I really don’t understand the strong desire to have children and especially don’t understand the part about feeling devastated if you’re unable to have them. I had a bit of a revelation as to why (or at least I think it might be why) I just don’t get it. I think it’s because I can’t think of anything that I don’t have, but want and will be devastated without. So the entire concept is foreign to me. I had never thought about it that way, but it makes sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/434 "2014-08-11T22:26:25Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I was thinking about this recently actually. I’ve admitted on here before that I really don’t understand the strong desire to have children and especially don’t understand the part about feeling devastated if you’re unable to have them. > > I had a bit of a revelation as to why (or at least I think it might be why) I just don’t get it. I think it’s because I can’t think of anything that I don’t have, but want and will be devastated without. So the entire concept is foreign to me. I had never thought about it that way, but it makes sense to me. You have never longed to have, say, a romantic partner? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/435 "2014-08-11T22:27:57Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > You have never longed to have, say, a romantic partner? Relationships are great, I’ve been in one for 13 years. If it didn’t happen again after this, I’d be fine. If I had never had one at all I would’ve been fine. Maybe a little unhappy, but nothing approaching devastated. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/436 "2014-08-11T22:35:02Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Relationships are great, I’ve been in one for 13 years. If it didn’t happen again after this, I’d be fine. If I had never had one at all I would’ve been fine. Maybe a little unhappy, but nothing approaching devastated. Okay … it is just that this is a trifle unusual. I would have thought that longing for such a relationship was pretty-near universal, but I admit I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/437 "2014-08-11T22:36:36Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Okay … it is just that this is a trifle unusual. I would have thought that longing for such a relationship was pretty-near universal, but I admit I could be wrong. Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful to have. But I also know that I can be happy alone as well. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/438 "2014-08-11T22:45:34Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful to have. But I also know that I can be happy alone as well. Well, sure. I suppose I would as well. But that isn’t really the issue. I was thinking back to the time when, as a teen, I had never had a romantic partner. Boy oh boy, did I ever want one though, for a whole variety of reasons! Some maybe not so admirable, such as wanting social acceptance, and wanting the ego-gratification of knowing I was attractive, worrying I would be left out of having this experience other people were having, etc. Others, perhaps, more worthy. Point, though, is that I thought nearly everyone went through this, which is why there is so much emphasis of romance in our culture (and in other cultures). ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/439 "2014-08-11T22:54:56Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Well, sure. I suppose I would as well. But that isn’t really the issue. > > I was thinking back to the time when, as a teen, I had never had a romantic partner. Boy oh boy, did I ever want one though, for a whole variety of reasons! Some maybe not so admirable, such as wanting social acceptance, and wanting the ego-gratification of knowing I was attractive, worrying I would be left out of having this experience other people were having, etc. Others, perhaps, more worthy. > > Point, though, is that I thought nearly everyone went through this, which is why there is so much emphasis of romance in our culture (and in other cultures). I freely admit that I’m unusual. 🙂 I think part of it was growing up gay in the 80’s, not knowing any other gay people, not even knowing they existed for a long time. I pretty much expected to never have a relationship until I was in my teens and realized it may be possible. At the same time, I’ve been in 3 (I don’t count anything under a year) but didn’t actively pursue any of them…it just sort of happened. Maybe people overstate what they mean by ‘devastated’, but I’ve been trying to find a way to relate to even the concept and hadn’t come up with anything until I realized what I mentioned before. Are there things I want, even really really want? Absolutely. I know that I’m not great at empathy and there a lot of things people deal with that I just don’t understand…but I’m trying to learn! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/440 "2014-08-11T23:01:19Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Well, sure. I suppose I would as well. But that isn’t really the issue. > > I was thinking back to the time when, as a teen, I had never had a romantic partner. Boy oh boy, did I ever want one though, for a whole variety of reasons! Some maybe not so admirable, such as wanting social acceptance, and wanting the ego-gratification of knowing I was attractive, worrying I would be left out of having this experience other people were having, etc. Others, perhaps, more worthy. > > Point, though, is that I thought nearly everyone went through this, which is why there is so much emphasis of romance in our culture (and in other cultures). I don’t know that what you’re describing sounds like “devastation” to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487.md?page=23)