# Mom's "Apology" To Friends Without Kids **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 28, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487 "2014-05-28T18:50:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/441 "2014-08-12T13:10:26Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I don’t know that what you’re describing sounds like “devastation” to me. I dunno, I would have found it pretty “devastating” if I had been told at one time in my teens I would never have a romantic partner for some objective reason I believed. Nowadays, not so much; I am considerably older. I suspect this reaction would be pretty common. Not, obviously, universal, but I think it would be hard to argue that “devastation” would not be a “common reaction” to being reliably informed you will _never_ experience romantic love. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/442 "2014-08-12T17:32:37Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I dunno, I would have found it pretty “devastating” if I had been told at one time in my teens I would never have a romantic partner for some objective reason I believed. Nowadays, not so much; I am considerably older. > > I suspect this reaction would be pretty common. Not, obviously, universal, but I think it would be hard to argue that “devastation” would not be a “common reaction” to being reliably informed you will _never_ experience romantic love. Antinor01 was saying, I thought, that he has never felt that he was missing out on something so profoundly that its absence was devastating, and that he didn’t think not having a relationship would be devastating. It seems to be switching gears entirely to suggest that he then imagine being told he wouldn’t ever have a relationship. You are no longer comparing it to his experiences but to a hypothetical world in which such information was knowable. In other words, he seemed to be saying “I can’t imagine feeling that sort of devastation” and you seem to be saying “Use your imagination.” But he already was. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/443 "2014-08-12T17:52:26Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Antinor01 was saying, I thought, that he has never felt that he was missing out on something so profoundly that its absence was devastating, and that he didn’t think not having a relationship would be devastating. It seems to be switching gears entirely to suggest that he then imagine being told he wouldn’t ever have a relationship. You are no longer comparing it to his experiences but to a hypothetical world in which such information was knowable. > > In other words, he seemed to be saying “I can’t imagine feeling that sort of devastation” and you seem to be saying “Use your imagination.” But he already was. I … don’t understand your objection. Seems too complex for me. 😕 My point, I thought, was pretty simple, and he seemed to understand it perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/444 "2014-08-12T18:21:12Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Antinor01 was saying, I thought, that he has never felt that he was missing out on something so profoundly that its absence was devastating, and that he didn’t think not having a relationship would be devastating. It seems to be switching gears entirely to suggest that he then imagine being told he wouldn’t ever have a relationship. You are no longer comparing it to his experiences but to a hypothetical world in which such information was knowable. > > In other words, he seemed to be saying “I can’t imagine feeling that sort of devastation” and you seem to be saying “Use your imagination.” But he already was. That’s pretty much the gist. I don’t even know why I was thinking of it, except maybe that my brother and his wife had been trying for over a decade and she just got pregnant this year…along with being out of work still so I have TONS of time to be all up in my head. As I said, I used to think it was just that I didn’t want kids that was the disconnect in understanding but I’m starting to think it’s more than that. Having been told I would never have a relationship would’ve been sad, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve gotten over it. ---
**Author:** ![MrsTime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@MrsTime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrsTime)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/445 "2014-08-12T18:27:19Z")
Before I had a kid or 4 of my own I remember telling my cousin that when I had kids they sure as heck weren’t going to be on the table eating the sugar out of the sugar bowl, And they didn’t I am proud to say. My cousins kid never painted the couch with a stick of margarine, or the kitchen chair with white shoe polish while she was outside hanging the just washed diapers. I spent all day trying to clean that couch, but they never ate the sugar out of the sugar bowl (as far as I know). ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/446 "2014-08-12T22:17:32Z")
Meh, I am honestly shocked that CurlCoat hasn’t blocked me. If she does exist, she is in sincere need of help. if I were a better person I would probably feel pity. But given that she has expressed delight and approval at the suffering of mothers and children, instead I feel some strong compulsion to call her out as batshit, pathetic and broken-which she will interpret as an attack on the childfree by the breedernazis. Down with puppies and up with babies! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/447 "2014-08-12T22:49:00Z")
Point, set, match to Sven. Volley for serve. ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/448 "2014-08-12T23:04:30Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > If you call children “crotch spawn”, then I will not bother to interact with you at all, ever. > > So it’s win-win! Me too, A very sick person. ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/449 "2014-08-14T18:04:39Z")
> [@Bone](#): > > Everyone’s experience with children is different, but it is eerie how accurate[I found this article.](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-skoutelas/once-we-become-parents-we-dont-want-to-hang-out-with-you-anymore-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-think_b_5270148.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063) my experience with friends with kids is that even once the kids are older the parents still have no time due to soccer, play practise etc etc etc. I thought once the kids went off to college, I would see my friends back but apparently they have get out of the habit of socialising and still are living like they have kids and still hang out at home. I understand they have obligations and none of them are to me, but I miss my friends. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487/450 "2014-08-14T18:11:46Z")
> [@MrsTime](#): > > Before I had a kid or 4 of my own I remember telling my cousin that when I had kids they sure as heck weren’t going to be on the table eating the sugar out of the sugar bowl, And they didn’t I am proud to say. My cousins kid never painted the couch with a stick of margarine, or the kitchen chair with white shoe polish while she was outside hanging the just washed diapers. I spent all day trying to clean that couch, but they never ate the sugar out of the sugar bowl (as far as I know). "My real problem with children is that I haven’t any imagination. I’m always warning them against the common-place defections while they are planning the bizarre and unusual. Christopher gets up ahead of the rest of us on Sunday mornings and he has long since been given a list of clear directives: “Don’t wake the baby,” “Don’t go outside in your pajamas,” “Don’t eat cookies before breakfast.” But I never told him, “Don’t make flour paste and glue together all the pages of the magazine section of the Sunday Times” Now I tell him, of course. " Jean Kerr. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-apology-to-friends-without-kids/689487.md?page=22)