# Mom's club application-This is nuts. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 2, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044 "2006-05-02T02:34:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/21 "2006-05-02T14:22:09Z")
It’s situations like this that make me glad I work full-time. My kid got all the babies he wanted at daycare and I didn’t have to deal with their crazy-ass mothers! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/22 "2006-05-02T14:30:12Z")
OK, at first I thought that this was just a snide attack on someone’s valiant attempt to get adult conversation and stop mind melding with Teletubbies. Then I read a bit further to the bit about the other groups you have been rejected from or banned or whatever. This is one psycho mom’s group. OP-you know what this would be, don’t you? If you submitted an application and were accepted, you would now enter the world of Who is Teething First and Fastest, as well as Who Is Pulling Up and Who is saying Mama etc. That is one skeery place, lemme tell you. I once had a mom that I didn’t even know (we had babies around the same time–about a week apart-and we were both friends of this bride) come up to me at a wedding and _open my daughter’s mouth because she didn’t believe that my daughter could have two teeth “already”._ These people need drugs, used liberally. They never get them. Hang out in the park. Try the library. You’ll meet someone. And in pre-school, you will meet the cool people. I did and they saved my sanity (still friends and those kids are in HS now). good luck. I can’t comment on the '80’s thang–it’s just too weird. Do you like big belts, flat shoes, shoulder pads and masses of curly hair, Heather? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/23 "2006-05-02T14:37:15Z")
Add me to the chorus of voices singing, “Relax\*.” They want to know about your drinking so that they don’t plan a “Mom’s Night Out” that includes barber chair shots\* if they have a recovering alcoholic in the group. Same deal with smoking. They ened to know if they can expect you to want to go somewhere you can smoke, since the days when you could smoke in a hospital room\* are long gone. And as far as "Are you available for… you seem to be saying you’re not. So it’s a good thing they asked, right? That way they won’t plan on having you for those types of events. \*These gratuitous 80s references were included at no charge. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/24 "2006-05-02T15:06:04Z")
Wow, that app seems really, really weird to me, too. I honestly can’t see the point of about 3/4 of the questions on there. And the ones you’d think they _would_ ask are missing, especially questions about what you like to do with your kids. I agree with suggestions to go to the library, the playground, places you’d take your kids anyway if you’re a halfway sane mom, and strike up conversations with the other moms there. I’d avoid that mom’s group like the plague, too! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/25 "2006-05-02T15:12:22Z")
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN OUR GROUP. NAME n/a AGE 38 ADDRESS n/a PHONE NUMBER n/a CHILDREN’S NAMES AND AGES Kate, 7 months ARE YOU MARRIED? IF SO HOW LONG? About 8 inches. HUSBAND’S NAME Pooterhead DO YOU DRINK ALCOHOL? I’m not so drink as you thunk I am. DO YOU SMOKE? You bring the ganja, I’ll bring the papers. PLEASE LIST YOUR FAVORITE 80’S BANDS The 80s? Fuck that. I’m a Zep head. WILL YOU BE ABLE TO ATTEND AT LEAST ONE DAYTIME EVENT EACH WEEK? I suppose I could fit it in between my orgies and Satanic child-murdering rituals. Say, is little Kayleigh available on Wednesday? IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND A MOM’S NIGHT OUT ONCE A MONTH? When are you planning this for? Will your husband be home alone? Is he hot? IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND A MOM’S WEEKEND AWAY? Oh, and where do you keep the silverware and jewelry? DO YOU IMMUNIZE YOUR CHILDREN? I try to keep her sequestered from morons, if that’s what you mean. ARE YOU ABLE TO WALK THE MALL AT A FAST PACE? I tend to stop at adult book stores, liquor stores, and head shops. But I’m able to run from mall security pretty fast. Is that OK? WILL YOU POST DAILY ON THE GROUP WEB PAGE? Does it have a BBQ Pit? PLEASE LIST ANY HOBBIES YOU HAVE: I probably shouldn’t list them, due to the Patriot Act. DO YOU SELL ANY PRODUCTS (IE MARY KAY, PAMPERED CHEF, ETC.) Is that what the kids are calling it these days? DO YOU BELONG TO ANY OTHER MOM’S GROUP? Not sure what you mean. Does the motorcycle club count? WILL YOU LEAVE THE OTHER GROUP(S) IF APPROVED FOR THIS GROUP? Yeah. Count on it. Putz. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANOTHER GROUP TO JOIN? Fresh meat. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BANNED FROM A GROUP? IF SO WHICH ONE AND WHY? See attached police record. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/26 "2006-05-02T15:14:18Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Say, is little Kayleigh available on Wednesday? By that, I meant for the Satanic child-murdering rituals, not the orgies. I’m not a sicko, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/27 "2006-05-02T15:14:42Z")
Have you tried clicking the “Meet Single Moms” ad at the bottom of the page? Maybe they’re looking to form some sort of group. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/28 "2006-05-02T15:36:25Z")
Bravo! **tdn** The strangest question is the mall one. I realize that moms are older now and all, but seriously, walking the mall around here is a senior citizen activity–so as to not muss their blue hair/helmets with wind or eek! rain. How old are these women? and no really important questions were asked, like which method of assasination is preferred by the prospective candidate? How many men have you had in one weekend?–that sort of thing. I don’t find the questionare to be a good survey tool. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/29 "2006-05-02T15:50:31Z")
**tdn** , you seriously rock. I’d let you into any group you wanted to be in! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/30 "2006-05-02T15:51:13Z")
I think it’s kind of them to admit to their craziness upfront so you don’t have to find out _later_. Seriously, though, storytime. Pick a storytime at the library and go every week. You can meet people there. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/31 "2006-05-02T16:57:15Z")
Thank you, thank you. I’m available for weddings and bar mitzvahs. ---
**Author:** ![Sal\_Ammoniac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/32 "2006-05-02T17:06:40Z")
The application is fucked up. There’s no way on earth you should have to fill out an application for a moms’ group. It’s like having to fill out an application to visit Wal-Mart. Do as some people above have suggested and make your own group. Put up a sign at the library and collect half a dozen people. That’s all you really need. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/33 "2006-05-02T17:11:33Z")
> [@astro](#): > > What do “Mom’s groups” do exactly? I belonged to two different Mom’s groups when my kids were younger. One was at my church, and we’d get together two mornings a month, eat pastries, drink coffee and chat. It was a way to get out of the house, and they had a babysitter. You were supposed to pitch in a couple of bucks for the sitter if you plunked your kid with her, and we took turns bringing in donuts and pastry. It slowly turned into a 'bring your sewing/craft/quilting/scrapbooking" kind of thing, and I went back to work part-time so I quit going. The other wasn’t really a ‘group’ but was just a group of friends - we’d get together once a month without the kids and husbands and go out to eat (and drink) and chat and look at cute guys. Other stuff has changed (jobs, husbands, more kids, etc.) and we only get together two or three times a year now. Life happens, you know? Obviously, one group was a bit rowdier than the other. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/34 "2006-05-02T17:42:17Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > HUSBAND’S NAME Pooterhead They might just reject you at this point, and never get to the good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/35 "2006-05-02T18:29:32Z")
This isn’t a get to know you questionaire, its an application. “Are you willing to leave other groups IF YOU GET ACCEPTED to this group?” They don’t want to know if you drink because they want to make sure girls night doesn’t include alcohol if you are in recovery, they want to know if you drink because they are going to make some judgement about it (either, you drink, can’t have you because you are immoral or you don’t drink, you won’t be any fun). I’m suprised they don’t ask you what your household income is and if you are willing to tithe to the group. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/36 "2006-05-02T18:45:11Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > They might just reject you at this point, and never get to the good stuff. Especially since he seems to be in a menage a troi with tdn. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/37 "2006-05-02T18:52:11Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > DO YOU SELL ANY PRODUCTS (IE MARY KAY, PAMPERED CHEF, ETC.) Eek! Do any of you? If so, please feel free to forget you ever saw my email address > DO YOU BELONG TO ANY OTHER MOM’S GROUP? Evidently, I am the lone member of “Sane Moms of Tampa” > WILL YOU LEAVE THE OTHER GROUP(S) IF APPROVED FOR THIS GROUP? Isn’t this what the philanderers girlfriend always asks? I swear, my main group is frigid and doesn’t give me what I _need._ No one can love me like you can. > WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANOTHER GROUP TO JOIN? I’m not the one-batshit-crazy-mom-group-at-a-time type. I am the one-is-too-many-moms-groups-to-join type. Ah, brings back memories of filling out the 1990 “Census Long Form”… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/38 "2006-05-02T18:54:35Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > And it might make sense for them to ask if you’re the type to punch other mother’s out or get drunk and throw up in the punch bowl) Evidently Auntbeast’s fingers got tired before she transcribed those questions: ARE YOU THE TYPE TO PUNCH OTHER MOTHERS OUT? DID YOU EVER GET DRUNK AND THROW UP IN THE PUNCH BOWL? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/39 "2006-05-02T19:06:13Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > Especially since he seems to be in a menage a troi with tdn. Not so! Not so! Not so! Besides, it’s fun. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044/40 "2006-05-02T19:41:34Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > Especially since he seems to be in a menage a troi with tdn. Is this some holodeck fantasy of yours? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moms-club-application-this-is-nuts/355044.md?page=3)