# Monetary wedding gift amount? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 4, 2008, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927 "2008-04-04T15:17:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/1 "2008-04-04T15:17:16Z")
What’s considered the typical dollar amount to put in a wedding card these days? Background: Bride is my cousin’s daughter. I don’t know her very well and don’t keep in touch with my cousin that much even though we live in the same town. I’m going basically because their side of the family will all be there from across the country and I haven’t seen any of them in ages. Just me and my wife attending. Church wedding and reception catered in a historic park building. No idea if catering is buffet or sit-down. If I had to guess I’d say it was $40-$70 a plate. I’ve always heard you should give enough to cover your meal (even though our wedding was $70/plate and most people seemed to be content giving $50-$100 per couple). ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/2 "2008-04-04T15:22:23Z")
I’d say $50. If it were a closer relative, $100. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/3 "2008-04-04T15:29:12Z")
The whole “gift should cover your meal” idea is a little ridiculous to me. First of all it’s impossible to know exactly how much your meal along with all your drinks (if it’s open bar) are costing the couple. Secondly it implies that couples having uber-expensive weddings deserve better gifts. Give what you can \*\*afford \*\* and what you feel is appropriate for your relationship to the couple. For someone I wasn’t that close with, I’d probably give $50-$75. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/4 "2008-04-04T15:29:44Z")
[QUOTE=Missy2U] I’d say $50. If it were a closer relative, $100. [/QUOTE] Wow. When I had my first wedding in 1985, I received no less than $100 per couple. I was going to say $100 if you weren’t attending but $200 since you are. I guess I will bow out and see what others think since Missy and I have two totally different takes on this issue. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/5 "2008-04-04T15:37:44Z")
AUD100 per person here, generally. (AUD1 is approx. 91 - 94 cents US) ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/6 "2008-04-04T15:52:36Z")
In Chicago, for a couple attending an evening dinner reception, I would give $100, $150 if I weren’t in grad school. To be honest I wouldn’t really factor in how close I am to the couple – it’s not like they get to serve me cheaper food and drink because I’m a distant relative. I agree that the ‘cover your plate’ guideline is a bit crass but as a clueless guest it can helpful guideline. Another very good rule I read was to spend as much as you normally would on a Saturday night out – if you can afford to spend this on entertainment then you can afford to give this a gift. ETA: I personally don’t give cash but I’ll give gift cards of the equivalent amount. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/7 "2008-04-04T16:38:11Z")
I got married in January. Most people gave me 150 to 250 dollars. And everyone (just about) gave me money. I actually would have preferred gifts. Not that the money was unappreciated or inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/8 "2008-04-04T16:46:31Z")
Boy - you guys move in different circles than I. I’m getting married in three weeks and, other than a gift from the parents, my _flabber_ would be beyond _-gasted_ with anything more than $50 or so. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/9 "2008-04-04T17:05:44Z")
I got married in 1995 and our monetary gifts ranged between $75 from two separate single women (each) to $600 from a couple with whom my husband’s father was in competition to see who could top the other in generosity. So, that was 13 years ago, in Long Island and we had an open bar. I would say, since this is family even if not close, you should probably not go below $100 unless that would really and truly be a hardship for you. ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/10 "2008-04-04T19:03:40Z")
I got married in 2005 and per couple we got $101-150. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/11 "2008-04-04T19:24:36Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] Boy - you guys move in different circles than I. I’m getting married in three weeks and, other than a gift from the parents, my _flabber_ would be beyond _-gasted_ with anything more than $50 or so. [/QUOTE] Me too. Are you getting married on the 26th? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/12 "2008-04-04T19:37:33Z")
[QUOTE=sugar and spice] I agree that the ‘cover your plate’ guideline is a bit crass but as a clueless guest it can helpful guideline. Another very good rule I read was to spend as much as you normally would on a Saturday night out – if you can afford to spend this on entertainment then you can afford to give this a gift. [/QUOTE] I agree that the “cover your plate” guideline is really crass. (I mean, are you supposed to ask how much the meal will cost when you’re getting the card ready?) But I’m not sure that it’s appropriate to compare it against how much you’d spend on a Saturday night out, since it’s not a entertainment event. Presumably, you’re there because you like (perhaps even love) the happy couple. I’d probably give $100, partly because I like round numbers. But the general guideline is to give what you can afford and depending on how close you are to the couple. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/13 "2008-04-04T19:49:10Z")
I do know of people who don’t seal the envelope till they see what kind of affair the couple is throwing. That’s not so nice. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/14 "2008-04-04T21:20:38Z")
[QUOTE=Dewey Finn] I agree that the “cover your plate” guideline is really crass. (I mean, are you supposed to ask how much the meal will cost when you’re getting the card ready?) But I’m not sure that it’s appropriate to compare it against how much you’d spend on a Saturday night out, since it’s not a entertainment event. Presumably, you’re there because you like (perhaps even love) the happy couple. I’d probably give $100, partly because I like round numbers. But the general guideline is to give what you can afford and depending on how close you are to the couple. [/QUOTE] Well, first you can figure out how elaborate a reception is by the information given on the invitation. If it 5pm reception at a country club or other venue that has to be rented out, then you can probably assume there will be dinner and dancing. If it it says cake and punch in the church hall, then probably not. Also, a wedding ceremony is not an entertainment event, but I would say that the reception afterwards in fact is entertainment. But that’s not the comparison I was trying to make, I was trying to say that the amount you would spend on yourself on a dinner out is a good guideline to decide, as you said, what you can afford. If I needed $500 for car repairs I could find the money, so in theory I could then give a $500 wedding gift but that’s not going to happen. But when I think about what I spend on beer each weekend I suddenly realize where I can find $60 for gift card and a bottle of wine. Again, it’s just a suggestion for the gift-giving impaired, not something I’m trying to offer as a hard and fast rule. I didn’t grow up going to weddings and showers so it’s hard for me to figure these things out – if I just followed my heart everyone would get a nice card and something cute like a Chia Pet. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/15 "2008-04-04T21:35:38Z")
[QUOTE=scout1222] Me too. Are you getting married on the 26th? [/QUOTE] Yup - that’s the date. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/16 "2008-04-05T01:02:22Z")
About $100 per person sounds about right to me. More if you can and want to afford it, but that’s what I would say the typical basic gift around here is. Frankly, I would prefer it if you could just give anonymous gifts at a wedding. If I’m inviting guests, I don’t care who gives how much. I’m inviting them because I want them there. Keeping gifts anonymous would take the social pressure off. ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/17 "2008-04-05T01:11:36Z")
Eep…I’m chiming in for the “what you can afford and what you feel like giving/how much do you like them” crowd. Personally, no way can I afford $100 per wedding, and hope not to be invited to any by someone who expects that. I always figured I’d treat it like a birthday (closer relationship/more desire to do something nice = make more of a sacrifice). I think I’d try to find a way, if I personally received monetary gifts, to extract the money without knowing how much each particular giver gave - I wouldn’t want to feel more grateful towards someone who happens to be richer than someone else. Congrats to all you guys with weddings coming up! ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/18 "2008-04-05T01:49:38Z")
Really depends on how much you feel comfortable giving. A newlywed couple that looks down on you based on the amount you gave are greedy idiots, plain and simple. I’ve been to a few weddings when I was between jobs and gave $50. The only other guideline I have is how close I am to them. If it was a cousin I rarely talk to that much I’d give $50 or less. Tacky? Don’t care. If I rarely talk to them anyway what do I care? If it was one of my sisters I’d try to give $150-200 if I could. BTW from my experience with friends and family I can tell you monetary wedding gifts do not even come close to paying for the wedding. Some weddings cost upwards of $20k. So the idea of the gift being enough to cover your plate is kind of ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Kayeby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2008, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/19 "2008-04-05T09:53:56Z")
In your situation I would probably give $100. Or you could give $88 and say it’s for good luck. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2008, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927/20 "2008-04-05T09:56:31Z")
I take it there is no gift register? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monetary-wedding-gift-amount/443927.md?page=2)