# Mongolian BBQ and semen **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888 "2014-10-09T19:39:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TheBaptiste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@TheBaptiste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheBaptiste)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/1 "2014-10-09T19:39:11Z")
Ok so it’s not what you think. I had Mongolian BBQ for lunch the other day, within minutes after consuming it I had the overwhelming urge to evacuate my bowels. Of course I could not have this release in a restaurant bathroom as I require, at the minimum the comfort of my workplace facilities to do my deed. I staggered from the car to my office prairie dogging it the whole way with an incredible burning sensation afflicting my anus due to the hot sauce I had with my meal. Once I draped the commode with TP and dropped trough carefully lowering myself onto the TP covered throne I was about to destroy, I discovered to my horror a wet spot in my underwear. Of course my first instinct was to smell it…which I did and to my surprise it smelled exactly like semen. Now I do not recall anybody ejaculating in my rectum in the last 30+ years so all I can assume is I was anally raped by a ghost the night before or that the force of holding the explosive diarrhea in supplied sufficient pressure to my prostate as to milk it? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/2 "2014-10-09T20:01:20Z")
> [@TheBaptiste](#): > > Ok so it’s not what you think. I’m still trying to puzzle out just what exactly it is that I was supposed to have thunk. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/3 "2014-10-09T20:18:29Z")
> [@TheBaptiste](#): > > Once I draped the commode with TP and dropped trough carefully lowering myself onto the TP covered throne I don’t have any comment on the rest of that adorable little anecdote, but I’d like to focus on this bizarre practice. What exactly are you afraid is going to happen if your shit-filled buttocks come into direct contact with the toilet seat? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/4 "2014-10-09T20:24:45Z")
One of the little-known perks of being an ex-mod is that they give you an orange “UNREAD” button. It sits right next to the red triangle “Report” button, and it works like ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/5 "2014-10-09T20:25:58Z")
> [@TheBaptiste](#): > > “… I staggered from the car to my office prairie dogging it the whole way …” Then there’s this little nugget, “staggering while prairie dogging.” :dubious: 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/6 "2014-10-09T20:26:19Z")
I know the unexamined life isn’t worth living and all that but I think sometimes a little less examination is in order. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/7 "2014-10-09T20:28:38Z")
Since I doubt anyone here can figure out what happened barring an examination, and medical advice is more appropriate for IMHO, let’s move this. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/8 "2014-10-09T20:31:50Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > What exactly are you afraid is going to happen if your shit-filled buttocks come into direct contact with the toilet seat? People don’t piss on public toilet seats where you live? Or you just don’t mind having other people’s urine (wet or dried) on your butt? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/9 "2014-10-09T20:32:22Z")
> [@TheBaptiste](#): > > Now I do not recall anybody ejaculating in my rectum in the last 30+ years so all I can assume is I was anally raped by a ghost the night before or that the force of holding the explosive diarrhea in supplied sufficient pressure to my prostate as to milk it? [TMI]I’ve experienced diarrhoea before that included clear mucus with a sort of semeniferous/sweaty smell to it.[/TMI] I think it’s most likely you had something similar - a mucus type secretion from somewhere in the lower part of your digestive system. If your prostate was ‘milked’, the milk doesn’t come out of your butt. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/10 "2014-10-09T20:40:29Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > People don’t piss on public toilet seats where you live? Or you just don’t mind having other people’s urine (wet or dried) on your butt? I look at it and I wipe it off like a reasonable, civilized person, and I wipe it off when I’m done for the next asshole that goes in there. ---
**Author:** ![fiddlesticks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddlesticks/32/18129_2.png) [@fiddlesticks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fiddlesticks)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/11 "2014-10-09T20:42:20Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I know the unexamined life isn’t worth living and all that but I think sometimes a little less examination is in order. /golf clap ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/12 "2014-10-09T20:43:35Z")
Bro, you jizzed your pants. Welcome to the club. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/13 "2014-10-09T20:46:51Z")
God, I would have preferred the story if you had just straight up fucked the Mongolian BBQ. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/14 "2014-10-09T20:52:50Z")
Why did I read this ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/15 "2014-10-09T20:55:06Z")
If this were me, I’d be worried about what was going to come out, the next time I beat off. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/16 "2014-10-09T21:01:34Z")
Strange unexpected stuff can come out of there. I remember one time, a long time ago, I had an odd incident. I think I was sick, I do not recall if I was on any meditation. I pooped, and when I wiped, the substance on the TP was the consistency of fried beef blood (like when you are frying a steak) and completely grey. I do not recall the smell, if any. Spoilered for grossness. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/17 "2014-10-09T21:10:13Z")
That reminds me of the time when **[CONTENT DELETED BY NSA SOCIAL MEDIA MONITOR]** ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/18 "2014-10-09T21:33:44Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Strange unexpected stuff can come out of there. I remember one time, a long time ago, I had an odd incident. I think I was sick, I do not recall if I was on any meditation. I pooped, and when I wiped, the substance on the TP was the consistency of fried beef blood (like when you are frying a steak) and completely grey. I do not recall the smell, if any. > Spoilered for grossness. One time I wiped and came up with what appeared to be [spoiler]the remnants of bloody diarrhea. That, and the pinkish water in the bowl, gave me concern. Then I remembered that I had some red velvet cake ice cream recently and figured the red food coloring did that.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/19 "2014-10-09T21:35:40Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > [TMI]I’ve experienced diarrhoea before that included clear mucus with a sort of semeniferous/sweaty smell to it.[/TMI] I’ve experienced that as well, sometimes the glycerin-like substance by itself. ---
**Author:** ![Kiwi\_Fruit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiwi_fruit/32/12_2.png) [@Kiwi\_Fruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiwi_Fruit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888/20 "2014-10-09T21:46:24Z")
> [@TheBaptiste](#): > > Ok so it’s not what you think. I had Mongolian BBQ for lunch the other day, within minutes after consuming it I had the overwhelming urge to evacuate my bowels. Of course I could not have this release in a restaurant bathroom as I require, at the minimum the comfort of my workplace facilities to do my deed. > > I staggered from the car to my office prairie dogging it the whole way with an incredible burning sensation afflicting my anus due to the hot sauce I had with my meal. How long do you think it takes for food to travel through your digestive system? A quick look online indicates 3 - 6 hours for normal passage. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mongolian-bbq-and-semen/700888.md?page=2)