# Monkey butler my ass.. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 21, 2002, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782 "2002-04-21T05:39:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/1 "2002-04-21T05:39:44Z")
I don’t want a MONKEY butler. I want a REAL man butler. Who will cleanmy room. It’s a mess. And I had like 100 beers. Maybe an elephant butler could take care of things. You know. The first step is admitting you have a problem. I have a few problesm. But they’re all cured by alcohol. L ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/2 "2002-04-21T05:43:02Z")
Replying to yourself is so sad…;j ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/3 "2002-04-21T05:57:38Z")
I was sitting here wondering what you needed a monkey butler to do to your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Jenner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ac8455/32.png) [@Jenner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenner)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/4 "2002-04-21T06:06:47Z")
What’s monkey butter? Oh wait, you said butler. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/5 "2002-04-21T06:08:47Z")
Hmmmm… Sexy Writer with a beer belly! :eek: Not a pretty picture. ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/6 "2002-04-21T06:11:55Z")
Mmmmm…monkey butter. Yum! I’m so hungry, I can hardly stand it. There’s an Irish boy in my bed with my dog. Isn’t that sad? L ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/7 "2002-04-21T06:14:58Z")
No beer belly yet. It was actually vodka and grapefruit juice. Hard to type crocked. Xan you save me? What was that monkey butler thing? I forget, but it was real;ly fuckinghilarious. I’m SO sorry. I HATE lookign like a bimbo. I genearlly dlon’t think of myself that way. But I certaionly fit that stereotype bnow. Anyone have any jokes? :L ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/8 "2002-04-21T06:15:54Z")
I read it as, “Monkey, butter my ass!” Is “Monkey” your pet name for that Irish boy? ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/9 "2002-04-21T06:18:24Z")
No, no.His name isn’t monkey. It’s :arseface." I think the word “arse” is funny, don’t you? Plus, I mean really…I’m drunkn out of my mind…at my computer…and he’s in my bed with my dog. How interested in me could he truly be? : ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/10 "2002-04-21T06:22:04Z")
You have yet to fully explain the dog’s role in this arrangement…:eek: ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/11 "2002-04-21T06:24:44Z")
Well…the dog is furry and black. And he’s the only sober one. So I’m sure you can figure out his role from that. Oh…and he’s un-neutered. Though, I haven’t seen him acting veryg “male” yet. Possibly because he’s well trained. But I doubt it. Does anyone have any “hangover” advice? I’m going to feel shitty in the morning. I’m tired too. Help. L ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/12 "2002-04-21T06:26:57Z")
Seriously. Can someone sae me? I’m in bad shape. Plus, I feel like an idiot for gettingthis way? What’s the remedy? L ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/13 "2002-04-21T06:28:42Z")
Jokes eh…? Well since you’re a writer here’s something sophisticated… > [@](#): > > A friend of a friend wanted to purchase a gift for his sweetheart’s birthday and they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic - but not too personal. > > Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to the store and bought a pair of white fur-lined gloves. The sister bought a pair of panties for herself. > > During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the underwear. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: > > I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. > > These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for 3 weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try on yours for me and she looked real smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I get a chance to see you again. > > When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. > > All my love, > Huggle Bunny > > PS. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little > fur showing. and since you’re drunk here’s something stupid What’s brown and sticky? A stick . ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/14 "2002-04-21T06:29:45Z")
I want a genetically engineered monkey butler that glows in the dark. Then I’ll dress him in an 18th-century powdered wig, velvet coat, waistcoat, breeches, stockings, shoes, etc. Then I will truly have attained godlike status. ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/15 "2002-04-21T06:33:04Z")
Hmmm…why don’t youy make him wear a skirt and answer your phone? ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/16 "2002-04-21T06:34:52Z")
What’s brown and sticky? Hahahahhahaha…seriously, that’s the funniest joke I’ve heraed in a long time. I can’t wait to tell it to my sister… l ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/17 "2002-04-21T06:48:04Z")
Nothing to contribute here, except to say I _LOVE_ the thread title… ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/18 "2002-04-21T06:50:40Z")
Thanks! I think anything with “my ass” in it is cool, dn’t you? L ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/19 "2002-04-21T06:50:47Z")
Brown and sticky, eh? Well… here’s an alternative word for what I’m thinking of: **PRODUCTION!!!** :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Okay, so I’m letting the Richmond Crew[sup]TM[/sup] jokes take over my head now… never mind! But what about a camel butler? That would be a perfect setup to recall two brothers I know: one with a thing for monkeys, and the other with a thing for camels. For what reason they have these things for those animals, I don’t know. But it is amusing! ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782/20 "2002-04-21T06:53:11Z")
Hey, what’s with the camelks? That’s disturbing. Seriously. Explain yourself. mmmm…\>I made myself eggs. Yum! I love eggs.Anyone else hungry. I have to go to bed now. L [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-butler-my-ass/104782.md?page=2)