# Monkey shine and other bad bad bad bananas **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 13, 2021, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269 "2021-11-13T03:22:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/1 "2021-11-13T03:22:40Z")
We were traveling down the highway to Wally-world(you know: Walmart) This time it was Mid-daughter driving. She kinda pokes along. I was looking at stuff on the shoulder of the road. I’ve been known to stop and investigate interesting things. I’ve found some neat stuff that way, and lots of bullshit. Big W says I’m gonna find dead kittens or worse one of these days. Curiosity killed the cat, they say. Poking along, I see a blob ahead on the shoulder. I said, “Stop!” MD said “NO!” What? No room for negotiations? What a bratty MD. She used to be fun. I looked in the rearview as we passed. I saw movement and bananas. Wut!!?? I said, “please stop and turn around” Again she says “NO!” We get to Walmart and shop. All through the shopping experience I brow beat her. Finally I get the answer I wanted. We will stop on the way out. Yay!!! We travel slowishly cause I’m looking for the lumpy, moving object and bananas. Oh, oh! I see banana peels. This is a small state highway, kinda empty and scary. Getting dark. No traffic. MD makes a U-turn. The headlights catch the lump and she stopped. We’re looking at the lump. I swear it moved. She said, “you’re nuts if you get out of this car. It’s probably a wild animal” But it ate like 8 bananas. It can’t be that bad if it eats fruit. What animal classically eats bananas? Yep, you’re right, Monkeys. I’m thinking there’s a Monkey in a bag. Yep. I convinced myself. I’ve always wanted a Monkey. I would name it Bozo, and squeeze and love it forever. It would be ‘all’ mine. Bozo would love me back. We’ll be best buddies. I’ll take it everywhere and buy clothes for it and diapers too. I ain’t got no time for poopy cleaning everyday. Yep, diapers are necessities. I’m looking at the bag. I still swear it’s moving. MD is looking skeptical. There’s one huge problem to my new pet Monkey. I think it’s illegal to have a pet Monkey in Arkansas. Tigers are cool but not Monkeys. Does that make any sense? Not to me. I opened the car door, slightly. I’m considering my options. Get out, claim my Monkey. Stay in and forever wonder. Uh-oh. MD jumped out and kicked the lump. She screeched. It was a brown plastic sack. Inside it was not exactly a Monkey. It was more fruit. But still, who ate the bananas? I know who did. My new pet Monkey. He got tired of waiting on me to come get him. Crap. I missed my chance. I’ll never forgive Mid-dau for me and Bozo not having met. It’s all her fault. She finally said, “Ma, shut up. There was never any Monkey” and "You need a Monkey like you need another 'possum. Whatever. I shall believe it forever. I’m sorry, Bozo. Our destiny was dashed by the unbelievers. 🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌 ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/2 "2021-11-13T03:28:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You need a Monkey like you need another 'possum. That has the makings of a very successful ad campaign ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/3 "2021-11-13T03:30:43Z")
I bet that Bigfoot ate the bananas. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/4 "2021-11-13T03:32:03Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’ve always wanted a Monkey. 50 years ago, this might have been more feasible. (Not necessarily wise, or humane, but feasible.) [![](https://external-preview.redd.it/jniXlSW0nO53qmSWssWxKMlCfy7eazI1xzcnR35-IpE.jpg?auto=webp&s=ca86df79150e7cea7c4909a2c0e899af75d0fcc1) ](https://external-preview.redd.it/jniXlSW0nO53qmSWssWxKMlCfy7eazI1xzcnR35-IpE.jpg?auto=webp&s=ca86df79150e7cea7c4909a2c0e899af75d0fcc1) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/5 "2021-11-13T03:33:00Z")
Wow?!? $20. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/6 "2021-11-13T03:35:26Z")
The inflation calculator says that $20 in, say, 1965, would be worth about $175 today. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/7 "2021-11-13T03:37:34Z")
Even that is doable. But there’s that little thing ‘collect express’ No telling what that price would be. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/8 "2021-11-13T04:53:34Z")
Pet monkey. Funny. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/9 "2021-11-13T05:05:03Z")
No worries, Beck. You know how things work in Beckland: one day the monkey will wander onto your porch, throw its long arms around your legs, and claim you for its very own. Maybe he’ll even bring bananas. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/10 "2021-11-13T05:15:26Z")
I eagerly await the thread in which Beck’s state trooper pulls her over, and asks to see the license for the monkey she has in the car with her. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/11 "2021-11-13T05:22:55Z")
Yes, we have no bananas! ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/12 "2021-11-13T05:44:40Z")
So tiring ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/13 "2021-11-13T06:18:29Z")
Oh, I agree. The crap that happens to me in my crazy life would wilt the most hardy. I’m surprised I’m even still thinking, much less ambulatory. 🤭🍌 I’m just marking time. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/14 "2021-11-13T19:44:39Z")
@Beckdawrek **Beck’s** new distraction. [Monkey Boo](https://youtube.com/c/MonkeyBoo) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2021, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/15 "2021-11-13T20:54:31Z")
Love it!! ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2021, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/16 "2021-11-14T00:04:57Z")
Why am I not surprised that Beck is up to monkey business? I’m betting on it being Bigfoot, too. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2021, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/17 "2021-11-14T00:13:52Z")
When I was about 7 years old, I obsessed about the idea of having a pet chimpanzee\* for a time. The fact that there was a TV comedy, “[Me and the Chimp](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_and_the_Chimp)\*\*,” at that time, may well have fed into my obsession, as did the fact that the Sears “Wish Book” Christmas catalog always featured a stuffed chimpanzee toy. [![](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/05/f8/d3/05f8d3388f3c49ee51d5f48aeb6607b3.jpg) ](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/05/f8/d3/05f8d3388f3c49ee51d5f48aeb6607b3.jpg) \*- Yes, I now know, chimps are apes, not monkeys \*\*- One of the worst TV series of all time ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2021, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/18 "2021-11-14T00:21:45Z")
That monkey be creepy, aaaaccckkk! The hands. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2021, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/19 "2021-11-14T00:26:24Z")
🙉… … ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2021, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269/20 "2021-11-14T01:41:06Z")
“Cause every monkey needs alone time To eat bananas in the sunshine It’s feast or famine, it’s a fine line It doesn’t mean your monkey doesn’t love you.” [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/ximidV1YX40/maxresdefault.jpg "My Monkey") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ximidV1YX40) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkey-shine-and-other-bad-bad-bad-bananas/954269.md?page=2)