# Monkeys and the Complete Works of Shakespeare **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 9, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099 "2003-05-09T13:54:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gotterfunken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@Gotterfunken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotterfunken)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/1 "2003-05-09T13:54:13Z")
Apparently, they can’t produce it within a month, anyway: [http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20030509/ap\_on\_fe\_st/britain\_monkey\_authors\_1](http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20030509/ap_on_fe_st/britain_monkey_authors_1) Not sure if it proves anything, but just for producing the following quotes, i’d consider the experiment a success on some level: > [@](#): > > \*\*Researchers at Plymouth University in England reported this week that primates left alone with a computer attacked the machine and failed to produce a single word. “They pressed a lot of S’s,” researcher Mike Phillips said Friday. > “Obviously, English isn’t their first language.” … > > At first, said Phillips, "the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it. “Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard,” added Phillips, who runs the university’s Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/2 "2003-05-09T15:21:45Z")
My favorite thought along this lines was the one that goes something like this: \*We used to think that if we put a million monkeys on keyboards they would eventually produce the works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know that’s not true.\* Present company excepted, of course! The bashing with a rock and other ape-like behaviors remind me a lot of how I’ve felt a few times at work… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/3 "2003-05-09T15:57:01Z")
A million monkeys on keyboards would be awesome! fwiw, a Yamah DX-7 can take an awful lot of abuse. Now, put a million babboons on drums, a million great apes on bass, a million gibboons on lead guitar, and have Sammy Hagar for lead vocals. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/4 "2003-05-09T16:20:38Z")
The monkeys did, however, come up with three shooting scripts for _Everybody Loves Raymond_. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/5 "2003-05-09T16:26:45Z")
\*Then I saw her face And now I’m a believer 'Cause I’m in love Ooh I’m a believer I couldn’t leave her If I tried\* ---
**Author:** ![SteverinoAlaReno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SteverinoAlaReno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteverinoAlaReno)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/6 "2003-05-09T16:27:28Z")
Eve, that reminds me of a “letter” I saw in _National Lampoon_ over 20 years ago. (Quoting from memory, so it won’t be anywhere close to exact) “They say if you give a million monkeys with typewriters enough time they’ll turn out Shakespeare. I don’t know about that, but I can tell you that I gave one monkey a typewriter, and in six hours he wrote a script for _The Love Boat_. And it’s not half bad.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/7 "2003-05-09T16:27:39Z")
One of the all-time great flames, posted on **OpalCat** ’s Teaming Millions page: > [@](#): > > If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards and have them type for a million years, you get all the great works of Western literature. > > If you give them thirty minutes, you get a **G.Nome** post. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Asylum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/53a042/32.png) [@Asylum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asylum)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/8 "2003-05-09T17:00:36Z")
So the monkeys piss and shit all over the keyboards? I knew Lucas had a collaborater for his latest movies… ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/9 "2003-05-09T17:48:25Z")
> [@](#): > > So the monkeys piss and shit all over the keyboards? They had just read the complete works of David Eddings and were in an aggravated state. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/10 "2003-05-09T17:57:54Z")
Obviously, we need more funding for more monkies. It takes an _infinite_ number of monkies. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/11 "2003-05-09T17:59:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*_Then I saw her face > And now I’m a believer > 'Cause I’m in love Ooh > I’m a believer > I couldn’t leave her > If I tried_ \*\* One more great pop song from the pen of Neil Diamond. Just shows what a few monkeys can do if they have great managers & producers. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/12 "2003-05-09T17:59:59Z")
> [@](#): > > The Plymouth experiment was funded by England’s Arts Council and part of the Vivaria Project, which plans to install computers in zoos across Europe to study differences between animal and artificial life. Who said Art was dead? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/13 "2003-05-09T18:11:04Z")
Art Garfunkle’s dead?! ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/14 "2003-05-09T18:47:53Z")
Here’s some quick and dirty calculations. Let’s say you have a standard 104 button keyboard. What are the odds of typing : _To be or not to be, that is the question_ Well, there are 40 characters in that string. To type the original capital T requires pushing the T and one of the shift keys simultaneously. Probability = 1/104 x 2/103 = 2/10,712 Now to type the other 39 characters in succession is 1/104 to the 39th power. So the chances of typing out this one sentence is 2 out of 10712 \* 104 \*\*39, or 4.04 x 10 to the minus 83rd power. A room full of monkeys would never produce this sentence, let alone one play, let alone the complete works of Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/15 "2003-05-09T19:01:41Z")
…not even _trained_ monkeys…? ---
**Author:** ![typhoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@typhoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typhoon)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/16 "2003-05-09T19:05:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MSU 1978 \* > \*\*A room full of monkeys would never produce this sentence, let alone one play, let alone the complete works of Shakespeare. \*\* Yeah, a million wouldn’t do the trick, but how about an infinite number of them? That’d go back to the concept of an infinite universe; like, “somewhere out there, we’re having this exact same conversation, except we’re talking about donkeys instead.” ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/17 "2003-05-09T19:16:36Z")
I’m re-writing the grant proposal now. We NEED more monkeys damnit! How much do you suppose an infinite number of monkeys costs? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/18 "2003-05-09T19:16:57Z")
…_trained_ donkeys…? ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/19 "2003-05-09T20:12:44Z")
My local news site (newsday) had the following link: The monkeys’ output: [www.vivaria.net/experiments/notes/publication/](http://www.vivaria.net/experiments/notes/publication/) But the site is really slow or overloaded. Anyone know of some other place to get the output? ---
**Author:** ![McDeath\_the\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@McDeath\_the\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McDeath_the_Mad)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099/20 "2003-05-09T20:40:38Z")
Didn’t Peter Gabriel record an experimental album with a bunch of primates plaing percusion instruments? MtM [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkeys-and-the-complete-works-of-shakespeare/174099.md?page=2)