# Monkubines: a business proposal **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 4, 2009, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247 "2009-08-04T01:26:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/41 "2009-08-04T18:03:01Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Worst idea I’ve ever seen proposed here. Maybe anywhere. Combines the worst aspects of Dr. Josef Mengele’s work with animal cruelty, slavery, perversion, objectification, glorification of plastic surgery, and the general descent of Man into degeneracy. I sorta assume it’s some type of satire on capitalism. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/42 "2009-08-04T18:23:49Z")
"Tell you what, though - bonobos make lovely sex partners. I could do that for you straightaway. Snout off, vagina on. Simple metal tube thru the back of her neck so she can breathe. Flecks of slutty make-up, make good…" “You’d need a big bed!” “Makes a great conservation piece.” “Yes, all right. But only if I can watch…” Regards, Shodan PS - [Cite.](http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode10.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/43 "2009-08-04T19:34:05Z")
I propose we satisfy both sides of this debate, ethically and sexually, by geneticaly engineering cantalopes instead of monkeys. Cantalopes that pulsate. Gentlemen, we have the technology. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/44 "2009-08-04T19:53:40Z")
The horror. ---
**Author:** ![supergoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@supergoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supergoose)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/45 "2009-08-04T20:57:46Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > There is a group of eunuch-transvestites who are the priest(ess) prostitutes of some Hindu deity. Oh wow. Do they have a name/title I can use to search for more information? ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/46 "2009-08-04T22:05:10Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > I propose we satisfy both sides of this debate, ethically and sexually, by geneticaly engineering cantalopes instead of monkeys. > > Cantalopes that pulsate. Gentlemen, we have the technology. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes then there’s no reason why a man an another man can’t elope! ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/47 "2009-08-04T22:22:59Z")
Well, cantalopes for the straight guys is only fair: since for females & males who bottom, for some time now agriculture has produced a “green” solution to the petrochemical waste involved with manufactuing plastic dildos. They’ve developed phallic-shaped squash, with pleasing ridges. But there’s only one problem the farmers are having: People invading the fields, claiming squatters rights. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/48 "2009-08-04T22:29:36Z")
Look, instead of all this monkey business, you should just stick a panhandle up your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/49 "2009-08-04T22:32:53Z")
This is the funniest post I’ve seen in months. Against all odds, I’m starting to like you, StS. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/50 "2009-08-04T22:37:15Z")
> [@supergoose](#): > > Oh wow. Do they have a name/title I can use to search for more information? > **[Why are Indian eunuchs warned about unsafe sex?](https://www.straightdope.com/21342199/why-are-indian-eunuchs-warned-about-unsafe-sex)** ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/51 "2009-08-04T22:40:34Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > On the other hand he did coin the term Monkubine, which I can’t say without cracking a smile. I would have gone with Horangutan. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/52 "2009-08-04T22:41:47Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I would have gone with Horangutan. Whorangutan works better. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2009, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/53 "2009-08-04T22:58:21Z")
Proboscitutes. ([Proboscis Monkey.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proboscis_monkey)) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/54 "2009-08-05T01:31:22Z")
What the fuck is WRONG with you?!?! Are you fucking serious??? What could possibly have inspired such a sick and twisted idea?!?! (Although, it _does_ give the phrase, “Bedtime for Bonzo” a whole new meaning…) ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/55 "2009-08-05T01:47:07Z")
So which end of this business did you think you would be involved in, Guin? ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/56 "2009-08-05T02:18:52Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > So which end of this business did you think you would be involved in, Guin? \ **MODERATOR WARNING** Come on, **Rand** …this isn’t the pit. You can’t directly insult other posters. \ ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/57 "2009-08-05T02:35:26Z")
I guess “what the fuck is wrong with you?” is NOT an insult, somehow? Notice that my post was also a question. Anyway, I’m done, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![bannerrefugee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c68b51/32.png) [@bannerrefugee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bannerrefugee)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/58 "2009-08-05T06:22:25Z")
“I have spread my dreams under your feet" Said smashy about his silly conceit But sex with an ape Is too much like rape And plus it’s not much of a treat ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/59 "2009-08-05T06:37:40Z")
This is now my favorite thread ever. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247/60 "2009-08-05T06:52:52Z")
I have been both horrified and intensely amused by this thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monkubines-a-business-proposal/505247.md?page=4)