# Monogamy is for idiots **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 12, 2010, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375 "2010-07-12T09:16:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/1 "2010-07-12T09:16:38Z")
I’ve decided to stop all pretense of trying to have a serious relationship with women. Nope, this is the new liberated me! Just call monogamy the experiment that went bad. From now on, I’m going to shag whomever I want, whenever I want, and if the woman doesn’t like it, well tough shit. She’s just going to have to accept that I’m going to have sex with whomever I want, whenever I want. If she’s lucky, sometimes that someone will be her! Why should she be upset? After all, I’m only more than happy to let her be with whomever she wants – that way I don’t have to feel bad when I sleep around. She can’t be upset just because I’ve figured out that my partners can’t get mad at me for cheating on them if I tell them right \*from the start \* that I’m going to be banging all and sundry - what a brilliant move this is! Let’s face it, there’s no way that anyone could possibly find themselves fulfilled in a relationship with just one person. It’s just not natural. Besides, I get bored easily. Better to have multiple partners, the more the better! I’m sure there are lots of women that won’t mind raising a child when the dad has several other ladies on the go, right? I mean, I don’t see why we need to settle down and have mature relationships. Why can’t we just keep on acting like we’re in high school or uni, even when we’re in our 40s and 50s? Life is too short to be worried about things like commitment and stuff like that. I suppose one of the women might decide they want to settle down with me - but tough luck, ladies! I’m not going to be tied down, and remember, I told you what the score was before we started playing! Oh, and even better, I can justify all this because I can call it by a fancy-dancy name! If I didn’t have the fancy-dancy name, why, I’d just be an immature, sex-obsessed male chauvinist pig, the kind of self-centered jerk you wouldn’t want any female around you dating. So look out strip clubs, online dating sites, and cuddle parties, here I come! ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/2 "2010-07-12T09:33:39Z")
I’m trying to work out if you’re actually being serious, or pitting people who espouse the views in your OP, because at the moment it looks like even money either way and someone’s going to get whooshed if there’s no clarification forthcoming… ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/3 "2010-07-12T09:46:49Z")
> [@DragonAsh](#): > > From now on, I’m going to shag whomever I want, whenever I want, and if the woman doesn’t like it, well tough shit. I’m a few years ahead of you, man. What took you so long? ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/4 "2010-07-12T09:57:55Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > I’m trying to work out if you’re actually being serious, or pitting people who espouse the views in your OP, because at the moment it looks like even money either way and someone’s going to get whooshed if there’s no clarification forthcoming… It’s clearly parody… this sentance in particular: \*Oh, and even better, I can justify all this because I can call it by a fancy-dancy name! If I didn’t have the fancy-dancy name, why, I’d just be an immature, sex-obsessed male chauvinist pig, the kind of self-centered jerk you wouldn’t want any female around you dating. \* ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/5 "2010-07-12T10:22:53Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > I’m trying to work out if you’re actually being serious, or pitting people who espouse the views in your OP, because at the moment it looks like even money either way and someone’s going to get whooshed if there’s no clarification forthcoming… Given his contributions to [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=569449), I’m betting the latter. His pitting shows the same conflation of mindless, uncaring sex and poly relationships as his posts to that thread. My own view is that the two are, quite obviously, not the same thing, but I’ll let him get on with his ranting. It’s clearly cathartic for him. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/6 "2010-07-12T11:37:16Z")
To pull in a quote from the other thread: > [@RIP Relationship, 1998-2010](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rip-relationship-1998-2010/545394/84): > > Bovine manure, it’s exactly what happened here. The fact that the relationship was ‘de facto’ monogamous is beside the point. The OP made it clear from the start that he would only promise to tell the basic details when/if had other sex partners. He didn’t promise -not- to have other sex partners. There is a huge difference in the level of emotional investment each side is making. The OP’s partner made it clear that, while not 100% happy with the promise, she would accept it, even though she would probably be hurt bad enough to want to end the relationship. Hm . . . be hurt bad enough to want to end the relationship . . . that sounds like despite the window dressing and politeness of the ‘deal’, she clearly needed him to remain monogamous for the relationship to work, which he did. How this is different than any other monogamous agreement I cannot see. “I will be in a relationship with you. If you choose to be with other people, I’m likely going to want to end it with you.” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/7 "2010-07-12T11:43:45Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Hm . . . be hurt bad enough to want to end the relationship . . . that sounds like despite the window dressing and politeness of the ‘deal’, she clearly needed him to remain monogamous for the relationship to work, which he did. How this is different than any other monogamous agreement I cannot see. “I will be in a relationship with you. If you choose to be with other people, I’m likely going to want to end it with you.” But, but… he had to **want** to be monogamous too! Just acting monogamous doesn’t count! Real monogamous men never even look at other women! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/8 "2010-07-12T11:51:37Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > How this is different than any other monogamous agreement I cannot see. I don’t know many monogamous relationships that start off with the guy saying, ‘I will almost certainly be having sex and possibly having a deep meaningful relationship with other women while I’m dating you’. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/9 "2010-07-12T11:51:42Z")
I’m mystified why the OPer thinks that anyone here truly cares how many vaginas his penis infiltrates. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/10 "2010-07-12T11:52:48Z")
Awww… is someone’s widdle feewings hurt over someone else’s lifestyle? Poor little bunky. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/11 "2010-07-12T12:14:11Z")
> [@nicole1912](#): > > > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > > > I’m trying to work out if you’re actually being serious, or pitting people who espouse the views in your OP, because at the moment it looks like even money either way and someone’s going to get whooshed if there’s no clarification forthcoming… > > Given his contributions to [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=569449), I’m betting the latter. His pitting shows the same conflation of mindless, uncaring sex and poly relationships as his posts to that thread. My own view is that the two are, quite obviously, not the same thing, but I’ll let him get on with his ranting. It’s clearly cathartic for him. I actually couldn’t tell if it was that thread or this one: [“Becoming Alpha”? Check your humanity at the door.](http://boardstest.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570035) Maybe the combination of the two pushed him over the edge. ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/12 "2010-07-12T12:47:57Z")
> [@DragonAsh](#): > > From now on, I’m going to shag whomever I want, whenever I want, and if the woman doesn’t like it, well tough shit. :dubious: Am I the only person who read that sentence wrong? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/13 "2010-07-12T13:07:15Z")
> [@DragonAsh](#): > > So look out strip clubs, online dating sites, and cuddle parties, here I come! Cuddle parties? Is that where furbies gather to purchase airtight food stoorage containers at someones household? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/14 "2010-07-12T13:26:15Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Cuddle parties? > > Is that where furbies gather to purchase airtight food stoorage containers at someones household? Warning: do not confuse cuddle parties with cudgel parties. You won’t receive a follow-up invitation. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/15 "2010-07-12T13:48:43Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > :dubious: > Am I the only person who read that sentence wrong? Nooo. I did, too. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/16 "2010-07-12T13:54:20Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > :dubious: > Am I the only person who read that sentence wrong? > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Nooo. I did, too. I interpreted it to imply surprise buttsecks. How else can you interpret it? ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/17 "2010-07-12T14:00:15Z")
We’ll just add this to the rapidly-growing list of things **DragonAsh** is incapable of having a rational debate about. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/18 "2010-07-12T14:03:05Z")
Surprise, surprise… _yawn_ ---
**Author:** ![TXCowboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/76d3ee/32.png) [@TXCowboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TXCowboy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/19 "2010-07-12T14:12:16Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > :dubious: > Am I the only person who read that sentence wrong? No, I did a double take on that one too. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375/20 "2010-07-12T14:14:57Z")
Someone clearly needs a hug. Or maybe a cuddle. Or maybe a cudgel. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-for-idiots/546375.md?page=2)