# Monogamy is Stupid **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 13, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640 "2003-06-13T19:18:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/41 "2003-06-13T23:08:17Z")
I _like_ monogamy. Especially when contrasted with _agamy_. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/42 "2003-06-13T23:19:02Z")
Yes, not being able to give in to every urge or desire can suck. On the other hand, growing old with a partner you love and trust seems wonderful. (Lets face it, the supermodels aren’t going to be banging on your door when you’re 90.) It sucks that I can’t eat those brownies that are sitting in the fridge, but I like that I can fit into my clothes! Not buying that new photo printer I saw today also sucks. But I’ll be happy at the end of the month when I can pay all my bills, put some in savings, and have enough left over to have fun with. Good things can come from sacrifices. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/43 "2003-06-13T23:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Macro Man \* > \*\* > > This short rant was merely a lament about the fact that the forces of human nature pull people in directions that are not appropriate in society today. Now, if you assert that these are indeed not normal human urges, then we have an honest disagreement about human nature. \*\* I’m with you **Macro Man**. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/44 "2003-06-14T01:32:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MaddyStrut \* > \*\*(Lets face it, the supermodels aren’t going to be banging on your door when you’re 90.) > \*\* Well, maybe to get out…😛 ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/45 "2003-06-14T01:46:06Z")
It’s good to hear that monogamy is the preferred status for some people. It is a compromise for me. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MaddyStrut \* > \*\*Good things can come from sacrifices. \*\* This sums up my whole rant entirely. Nothing is better than coming home to a loving wife and kids every evening after a hard day’s work. Monogamy, IMHO, is a sacrafice, to me (and I believe, to alot of people). But one I will continue to make because of the payoff. Doesn’t mean I can’t rant about it every now and then. Did I mention that Macro Ma’am and I have a beautiful three month old son and have spent around 30 minutes of time alone cumulatively in the last 12 weeks? ---
**Author:** ![Read\_Neck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Read\_Neck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Read_Neck)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/46 "2003-06-14T01:53:15Z")
Polyamorey maybe. Polygamy never. Take a drive up IH15 thru Utah. Those picturesque little farms with 4 identical houses and 4 identical vehicles parked in front. A friend of mine that lives in Beaver explained the circumstances. I still have nightmares. Macro Man,you might be thinking it’s a sexual urge but maybe deep down you realise that you look more like your father everyday. Hell, go fishing,get whiskey drunk,whatever floats your boat. Trust me,it’ll pass in time. Married men that fuck everything that’ll hold still aren’t horney just really insecure. It’s not about the sex. That’s just a way to keep score. ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/47 "2003-06-14T02:33:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Read\_Neck \* > \*\*Trust me,it’ll pass in time. Married men that fuck everything that’ll hold still aren’t horney just really insecure. It’s not about the sex. That’s just a way to keep score. \*\* Thanks for the words of wisdom. Just to be sure though: this thread isn’t about talking me into or out of cheating. Cheating has never been and will never be on my slate of options. Neither is bringing in someone else to the relationship. Would I love for my wife to walk a beautiful women into our bedroom, tell me “Go for it”, and shut the door on the way out? Sure. But that’s not realistic. Plus, it’d probably be like the dog who caught the car he was chasing. What the hell are you going to do with it? Plus I don’t think I’d want the urge to pass. Maybe the thoughts keep you young? I dunno. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/48 "2003-06-14T03:00:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whatami \* > I disagree. I think the reason has more to do with religon and the morals that were taught and imposed on people, and still are actually. The societal implications of those beliefs still exist today. In my mind it’s the same reason you can’t buy alchohol on Sunday’s in many places. That’s my point. The reason many religions adopted such views towards monogamy is because they recognized the health benefits. Same thing with a lot of kosher laws. Just because we know how to handle meat safely these days doesn’t mean people will give those up, either. ---
**Author:** ![AZCowboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/97f17d/32.png) [@AZCowboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AZCowboy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/49 "2003-06-14T19:16:16Z")
> [@](#): > > _ **friedo** wrote:_ > That’s my point. The reason many religions adopted such views towards monogamy is because they recognized the health benefits. Same thing with a lot of kosher laws. Just because we know how to handle meat safely these days doesn’t mean people will give those up, either. Sure would be nice if the facts supported the assertion. Western style monogamy evolved directly from Roman Catholicism, which adopted the structure purely in the interests of the church, not the health interests of the lay people. Note that the originators of the kosher laws practiced polygamy. Considering most human cultures accepted some form of polygamy, and that purely monogamous cultures are historically rare, suggestions that the prevalence of monogamy today is due to anything other than cultural mores from religious sources will require some substantive support. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/50 "2003-06-14T19:39:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Macro Man \* > \*\*I have never, anywhere, said I was unhappy with my wife. Period. In fact, quite the opposite. I have asserted that I have been faithful for 11 years, and intend to continue to be faithful until I die because I love my wife and family too much to give into carnal urges. Nor would I ever pursue an “open relationship”, and all the baggage that would probably bring. > > This short rant was merely a lament about the fact that the forces of human nature pull people in directions that are not appropriate in society today. Now, if you assert that these are indeed not normal human urges, then we have an honest disagreement about human nature. \*\* Having an urge, or momentary desire for another attractive human is one thing, but your post seems (based on your COUNTING the number of days you’ve been faithful, and OMG you have to do this until you’re 90!!!, and your other rather hostile sounding verbiage, and maybe you didn’t mean it that way, but your words are all we have to go by…etc) to reek of resentment and “OMG, I can BARELY hold it in” . As to it being “human nature” to want to boff other people? You’re wrong, sure people are going to find other people attractive, but YOUR feelings are not necessarily those of all humans, as many other posters have said, there are those who are comfortable with a one on one relationship and those who need a larger pool from which to choose. Lots of people are just as happy to have their one loving mate and be faithful to them as you are unhappy to be “forced” into this monogamy. Monogamy isn’t what is stupid, forcing a shoe that doesn’t fit onto your foot is what is stupid. It would be just as wrong to force (or attempt to force) polygamy on a mate who needs monogamy as it is to try and force the opposite on a person who needs an open marriage. Maybe you were just having a particularly bad day and this happened to be the subject on which you focused your rant. Based on this thread? You sound like you picked the wrong type of marriage for your needs. ---
**Author:** ![aaslatten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/51 "2003-06-14T20:56:45Z")
I think I know where MacroMan is coming from, and I’ve also wondered about this. If monogamy is the ideal, then why do we have to hard-wired to look and wonder about other women? It’s kinda sucky, that’s all. Then again, you have to think about the Golden Rule. You make a promise to not cheat on someone, because, hopefully, that will mean they won’t cheat on you. It’s a blissfull situation when you can trust and rely on someone like that. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/52 "2003-06-14T21:57:10Z")
Well, I don’t understand monogamy either, and promises of fidelity (whether to one or a half-dozen partners) even less so, and would never get involved in either. But I don’t have a whole hell of a lot of sympathy for people who promise or commit to relationship structures that don’t fit them well– **CanvasShoes** : > [@](#): > > Monogamy isn’t what is stupid, forcing a shoe that doesn’t fit onto your foot is what is stupid. Preach it! (now aint’ that a great metaphor for one named “CanvasShoes” to use?) But seriously – if it ain’t for you, don’t sign up for it. You aren’t doing these timeworn traditional institutions any favors by signing on reluctantly and honoring them resentfully, and sooner or later you’ll violate them. Leave them to the folks for whom they are comfortable fits, and work out your own relationship structure with the person or persons with whom you wanna set up housekeeping. As for those who make uncomplimentary generalizations about folks who don’t opt for monogamy (or fidelity): go stick it in a pencil sharpener and crank on it. Or, if you’re of innie persuasion, make similarly abrasive use of an apple corer. Narrow mindless allegiance to institutions and condemnation of anyone who doesn’t align with them as “immature” or “immoral” does not reflect well on this message board and its commitment to fighting ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/53 "2003-06-14T21:57:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aaslatten \* > \*\*I think I know where MacroMan is coming from, and I’ve also wondered about this. If monogamy is the ideal, then why do we have to hard-wired to look and wonder about other women? It’s kinda sucky, that’s all. > \*\* Exactly the whole point of this entire rant. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/54 "2003-06-14T22:04:48Z")
**AHunter3** , I do wonder what your beef is with keeping promises and living up to the obligations that you’ve incurred is. Are you using “fidelity” as a synonym for “exclusivity” rather than to mean “fidelity”? ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/55 "2003-06-14T22:06:02Z")
> [@](#): > > As for those who make uncomplimentary generalizations about folks who don’t opt for monogamy (or fidelity): go stick it in a pencil sharpener and crank on it. Or, if you’re of innie persuasion, make similarly abrasive use of an apple corer. Narrow mindless allegiance to institutions and condemnation of anyone who doesn’t align with them as “immature” or “immoral” does not reflect well on this message board and its commitment to fighting ignorance. I don’t know that anyone in this thread has disparaged or condemned the people who choose monogamy. I know I sure haven’t, as I am a person who has and will remain faithful. It’s more about the fact that I (and probably many people, mostly male) have to deal with the desire to want to have sex with more than one person again before I die. This runs counter to a “successful marriage”. It’s a dichotomy that I put myself in and I have the power to extract myself from, but never, ever would. ---
**Author:** ![Macro\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Macro\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macro_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/56 "2003-06-14T22:08:54Z")
Upon rereading your post, AHunter3, I believe I took it totally backward as far as dispaging people who opt for monogamy, rather than opt for non-monogamy. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/57 "2003-06-14T22:34:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Macro Man \* > Did I mention that Macro Ma’am and I have a beautiful three month old son and have spent around 30 minutes of time alone cumulatively in the last 12 weeks? \*\* No, you didn’t! Do you think that the lackanookie could be a TEEENSY bit of the problem? That and that lover is now mom to a newborn? That probably would have helped your rant, as in. “I’m deprived, I’m horny, my wife and I are exhausted but all these pretty women I see every day are driving me crazy, HELP”!!! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/58 "2003-06-14T22:41:17Z")
## quote: Originally posted by aaslatten I think I know where MacroMan is coming from, and I’ve also wondered about this. If monogamy is the ideal, then why do we have to hard-wired to look and wonder about other women? It’s kinda sucky, that’s all. * * * > [@](#): > > Exactly the whole point of this entire rant. Your rant didn’t sound like you were saying that, (and again, maybe it was just a bad day for you), your rant sounded like you were chomping at the bit and barely able to rein it in. Not an “oh, look at all the beautiful women, I wonder what they’d be like”. It read more like a resentful child in a candy store with only a penny to spend. And blaming it all on the candy store. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/59 "2003-06-14T22:45:02Z")
Re AHunter3: I try never to say “fidelity” when I mean “sexual exclusivity.” I’m faithful to my lover in that I keep my promises to him and am honest to him. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640/60 "2003-06-14T22:54:39Z")
God there’s a lot of piety on show here. I don’t know of any chap who’s monogamous who doesn’t ogle other women. It’s a struggle, and one hopes that one can remain true to the promises one has made. But fuck, people saying that someone who struggles about monogamy should never have made those vows are people who are denying the nature of men (or at least the men I know). The existence of the anti-adultery commandment in the bible hints that this struggle has been going on for millennia. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monogamy-is-stupid/181640.md?page=4)