# Monsanto Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness -- Immediately Banned in Nova Scotia **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 5, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186 "2013-01-05T19:30:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/1 "2013-01-05T19:30:13Z")
“The Government of Canada takes this very, very seriously,” said the Minister. “Being hairless down there should be a matter of personal choice for Canadian men and women and not one taken away by a cucumber.” [http://www.thelapine.ca/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-nova-scotia](http://www.thelapine.ca/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-nova-scotia) ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/2 "2013-01-05T19:50:31Z")
If the story isn’t a joke. Then, it does sound like there’s some toxicity issues with those cucumbers. Anything toxic enough to cause skin rash and hair loss could be doing worse things inside the body. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/3 "2013-01-05T19:54:05Z")
British person here to assist Americans. The story is a blatant satire. The reason it isn’t funny is because it’s Canadian satire. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/4 "2013-01-05T19:54:29Z")
Have you looked at the [other stories](http://www.thelapine.ca/half-quebecois-man-separates-himself) on the site, as well as their tagline “Rabbits eat Onions”? Methinks 'tis satire. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/5 "2013-01-05T20:28:41Z")
I was thinking this sounded like someone picked up a story from _The Onion_ and mistakenly took it seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/6 "2013-01-05T21:19:42Z")
For some reason, my brain keeps reading this sentence: “leading to the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company’s crop and subsequent dill pickles.” As “dick pickles” I think I’m suffering dicklexia or something. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/7 "2013-01-06T01:33:47Z")
> [@Enkel](#): > > For some reason, my brain keeps reading this sentence: > > “leading to the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company’s crop and subsequent dill pickles.” > > As “dick pickles” > I think I’m suffering dicklexia or something. You mean “dickles” ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/8 "2013-01-06T01:57:24Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > British person here to assist Americans. The story is a blatant satire. The reason it isn’t funny is because it’s Canadian satire. I’m fairly certain they haven’t gotten satire in Canada yet. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/9 "2013-01-06T02:03:29Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > I’m fairly certain they haven’t gotten satire in Canada yet. Well, this headline from the site MUST be true: > [@](#): > > Beiber Named Ambassador To Japan ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/10 "2013-01-06T02:07:09Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > If the story isn’t a joke. It is. Take a look at a companion article, [Ann Coulter Winning MOVEMBER Moustache Challenge With Rush Limbaugh](http://www.thelapine.ca/politics) or: Romney in a landslide! > [@](#): > > After leaving the country before presidential voting polls closed to “visit his money in Switzerland”, Mitt Romney and his motorcade of 21 vehicles were swept off the A1 Autobahnen in the Swiss Alps by an avalanche landslide. Canadian humor is a little more subtle than you may be used to. Besides, cucumbers have other uses for the genital area. Topical applications, not digested. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/11 "2013-01-06T02:41:11Z")
Jerry: How was the date? George: She was bald. Jerry: Bald? George: Bald. Jerry: Bald?! George: Bald! Bald Jerry Bald! ---
**Author:** ![Stealth\_Potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Stealth\_Potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Potato)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/12 "2013-01-06T10:04:03Z")
All I’m hearing is a great way to save yourself the time and money you’d spend waxing. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/13 "2013-01-06T10:46:54Z")
You aren’t supposed to rub it on your genitals. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/14 "2013-01-06T20:29:26Z")
> [@Stealth\_Potato](#): > > All I’m hearing is a great way to save yourself the time and money you’d spend waxing. Yeah, Monsanto would marked the crap out of this if it were real ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/15 "2013-01-07T01:52:06Z")
Well, this finally makes sense of a lot of the porn I have seen. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/16 "2013-01-07T03:03:20Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Well, this finally makes sense of a lot of the porn I have seen. You now understand why those women were yelling “Fuck me harder, eh!” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/17 "2013-01-07T03:37:05Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > British person here to assist Americans. The story is a blatant satire. The reason it isn’t funny is because it’s Canadian satire. You know what else isn’t funny? Your mother. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/18 "2013-01-07T03:37:37Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Well, this finally makes sense of a lot of the porn I have seen. That was a lot of cucumbers! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monsanto-cucumbers-cause-genital-baldness-immediately-banned-in-nova-scotia/646186/19 "2013-01-07T18:29:37Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > You aren’t supposed to rub it on your genitals. Obligatory [picture](http://wodumedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Harry-Shearer-as-bass-player-Derek-Smalls-going-through-airport-security-in-This-Is-Spinal-Tap-1984-re-released-by-MGM-in-2000-6.jpg). (SFW)